or are they? some perspective needed...neighbour problems. honest responses wanted!!!!

[festi]

My dd aged 5, scratched and dented my neighbours car accidently when opening a car door.

I knocked their door and told them and said let me know how much and ill see if I can pay towards it. At the time I thought only a scratch and didnt notice the dent, so thought would cost about £40 or something. Had I known it was a dent aswell I would have explained I didnt have much income etc.

Anyway his attitude was pretty shitty and he kept asking why she had kicked his car and I had to explain over agin it was a genuine accident with car door and not kicked.

I then hearded back from him a few weeks later with a quote for £175, I said I couldnt afford to pay that in one go and I wanted him to get a couple more quotes and get back to me. He was very agressive and would not listen to what I was saying and was insisting I was saying I wouldnt pay this. To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears, he also still did not recognise this was an accident and reffered to dd kicking his car, I was clear to reiterate she did not kick his car.

This weekend a month after the incident I have had a typed up letter through my door from him with the lowest quote of £75, I can pay this in two instalments from september. I am worried about the tone of his letter, It is very oficial and I wonder if he has had legal advice. I havent refused to pay and so now im worried he will take me to court and I will be footing a larger bill of legal fees.

It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now. I probably am being unreasonable here, but had I been in this situation and the child had genuinly done this by accident and the parent admitted I would probably not persue them for anything let alone take it this badly. I wish I hadnt even told them now.

So opinions if they are being unrasonable or If I am for expecting some civil conversation and compassion from them?

and aslo what should I do now, wait for a respnse from them or attempt to talk directly with them?

I understand you can't afford it and think that it seems you have both reached a reasonable solution. I guess the door opening thing has just always been a big no-no with me and I have instilled it in my kids with ruthlessness so I forget that not everyone does this.

I also understand that it was an accident but I disagree with you that that changes the responsibility to pay. Cars are expensive pieces of property. Of course they're not more important than people and I certainly wouldn't see a Family go without food just to repair damage to my car. However, land rover recently charged me £200 to repair a 1cm dent and scratch in my car and if someone else had caused that damage, accidentally or otherwise I would really expect them to pay. Anyway sounds like you've come to a reasonable conclusion.

I havent said it changes the responsibilty to pay, but more so my responsibilty to take the back lash on the chin and just sip up his shitty attitude, I know I am responsible to pay and have aknowledged that from the start.

I also instill not opening doors, its comon sence, I also instill not leaving books on the floor, flushing the toilet etc etc etc, it does not mean that in haste children as young as 5 or even older, with out fail follow these things through.

festi
Please don't ale this the wrong way, but sometimes your posts on this thread look a bit as if you don't think you have a responsibility to pay - either because it was an accident, or because you feel you can't afford to pay.
Now you've said that's not the case - OK.
However - if your neighbour has had the same impression that quite a lot of readers/posters here have had and has thought that you don't feel obliged to pay, then maybe that explains why he's got all terse, officious and legalistic with you: he just wants the repairs done, paid for, and an end to the whole thing.
If he's found a cheaper quote, then surely in practical terms, he is trying to make things easier for you, which has to be a good thing?

I wasn't criticising your parenting. Most people I know do this too just not with the same ruthfulness as me ie, dd2 missing the playcentre trip because she did this. As parents we all have our little bees in the bonnet and I guess that's one of mine. I know you're accepting responsibility and I haven't said anything rude or nasty on here simply pointed out that even if accidental, it's still reasonable to pay.

I know many people who would have walked away and not owned up all are normal decent people. I will think twice about being so honest in the future

They're not 'normal decent people' they're selfish, morally repugnant people with an over-developed sense of entitlement and you're starting to sound the same way.

First of all you say the quote was too expensive, so this guy goes and gets more quotes, now you're saying actually that hasn't done you any favours. Exactly what could he have done to be reasonable in your eyes?

...oh wait hang on I've spotted the answer:

Although I dont expect him to not want me to pay, I would not have done so in his shoes.

Really? So in your financial circumstances if someone (or their child) broke something of yours you'd just have sucked it down with good grace would you? Even if that would be the 'nice' thing to do, the bottom line is that the guy should not have to pay to sort this out, you should. Yes it would be lovely if he was all smiles and agreeableness about it but life's a bitch sometimes.

yes Acekicker I really would have had it been an accident with no mallice. In fact I have done more than once. A friends dog ate my dds shoes, a friends child broke my bed. I never asked for any anything and turned down the offer of £5 for the shoes despite the fact they cost closer to £30. but different people different strokes.

Well good for you, you're a much better person than a lot of people. I think the problem is that I suspect at heart you want to do the right thing (hence owning up in the first place) but you react far too quickly and far too strongly and begin to come across as trying to dodge your responsibilities - certainly that's what's happened on this thread. If I sift out the ranting and the over emotionalness then I can see that you are trying to sort it out.

I suspect that this guy hasn't really bothered to try to sift through that though as the starting point for him was someone damaging his car and possibly not being able to pay for it.

Read back through the thread, put yourself in the shoes of the other guy and imagine how you might have been coming across. Pick out the sensible, reasonable sounding bits of what you've said, accept that he's not going to bail you out and I'm sure you can have a sensible conversation with him.

Good luck!

But festi - you're talking about friends here - these are people you choose to hang out with.
Did your neighbour choose you as a neighbour?

Not read all of the replies, but I would have kept quiet about it if I had limited funds. This could have happened anywhere, like the supermarket. I'm not sure how easy it would be for a five year old to put a dent in a car. Is he getting you to pay for existing damage perhaps? Next time just put what you can afford through the door anonymously.

I dont agree ace my attitde was stemed from this guy ranting on my door step, not listening and getting his facts wrong. I v probably ranted on here, but I have barely spoken a word to him about the incident. also look back and see I have been able to see where I have been UR and have put this right, I dont think continuing with the judging is now neccessary. my over all thoughts of what I would do in his shoes wont change either. this is a support site for people display their thoughts feelings and emotions. That does not mean I will or have in the real world expressed these to him. granted I wrote a blunt note, but later put that right.

im off now anyway, I dont want this to go around in circles and come to the point of us berrating each other.

It seems that you don't want to hear how unreasonable you are!

Well you have been and still are with your attitude and you would do well to really listen to some advice here and change your attitude.

Borrow the money and pay it properly and immediately

you damaged his car - you need to pay it at once, not in instalments - your neighbour is not a banker

omg hair, you sound like you're talking to a naughty child, you would do well to get a grip and stop getting so stressed about something you read on the internet

You are the one who sounds stressed dear - get gripped yourself and chill