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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or are they? some perspective needed...neighbour problems. honest responses wanted!!!!

215 replies

festi · 31/07/2011 12:20

My dd aged 5, scratched and dented my neighbours car accidently when opening a car door.

I knocked their door and told them and said let me know how much and ill see if I can pay towards it. At the time I thought only a scratch and didnt notice the dent, so thought would cost about £40 or something. Had I known it was a dent aswell I would have explained I didnt have much income etc.

Anyway his attitude was pretty shitty and he kept asking why she had kicked his car and I had to explain over agin it was a genuine accident with car door and not kicked.

I then hearded back from him a few weeks later with a quote for £175, I said I couldnt afford to pay that in one go and I wanted him to get a couple more quotes and get back to me. He was very agressive and would not listen to what I was saying and was insisting I was saying I wouldnt pay this. To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears, he also still did not recognise this was an accident and reffered to dd kicking his car, I was clear to reiterate she did not kick his car.

This weekend a month after the incident I have had a typed up letter through my door from him with the lowest quote of £75, I can pay this in two instalments from september. I am worried about the tone of his letter, It is very oficial and I wonder if he has had legal advice. I havent refused to pay and so now im worried he will take me to court and I will be footing a larger bill of legal fees.

It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now. I probably am being unreasonable here, but had I been in this situation and the child had genuinly done this by accident and the parent admitted I would probably not persue them for anything let alone take it this badly. I wish I hadnt even told them now.

So opinions if they are being unrasonable or If I am for expecting some civil conversation and compassion from them?

and aslo what should I do now, wait for a respnse from them or attempt to talk directly with them?

OP posts:

fishtankneedscleaning · 31/07/2011 12:35

You have to take responsibility for your child's actions. Your dd damaged your neighbours car door. You will have to pay the full costs (sorry!)

Two post dated cheques should appease him somewhat. BUT you will have to make sure you have the money in the bank to cover it. If the cheques bounce your neighbour is well within his rights to take you to Court. Then you will also have Court costs to pay.

FernandoBanjo · 31/07/2011 12:35

Oh good. I thought I was the only who thought the OP outrageous.

FabbyChic · 31/07/2011 12:36

Pay the money, you owe it, his attitude is as it is because you damaged his car and are umming and rrrrring over when you can pay or if you can pay or if you will pay.

You are totally out of order.

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 12:36

You can't really believe that his attitude entitles you to a 50% reduction?!

Pay the lot, and stop being silly about it!

He might be acting shitty with you, but his car has been damaged, so I don't blame him for having issues!

imnotforty · 31/07/2011 12:36

is there an echo in hereis there an echo in here

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 12:36

"ill see if I can pay towards it."

Should be paying all of it tbf. Also both of you seem to have bad attitudes about this which is making the other then behave worse again.

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 12:37

Oh and yabvu

Xales · 31/07/2011 12:37

YABU

It was your fault.

If it went through your's and his insurance it would cost you your excess and probably a lot more as they generally insist on proper (expensive named garages) being use plus the cost of hire car while his is off the road for the day or so to be fixed.

This may then affect your insurance for the next few years as you have to declare an accident/claim.

He is helping you out getting various quotes which you have asked for and you are bitching about his attitude and now reluctant to pay anything for the damage!

kevlarbrassiere · 31/07/2011 12:40

YABU not to pay up immediately.

You should accept this quote, it sounds like a great deal to me, and you should not leave this man waiting/paying now for the damage your child caused.

You need to beg or borrow from someone/thing to sort this out as soon as possible. Its very rude and arrogant to assume that you can wait until September to pay half then. Why should he accept anything less than full payment whenever he gets the job done?

Its not his concern that you don't have alot of money. It is your concern that you act like a responsible adult in this instance.

belledechocchipcookie · 31/07/2011 12:40

Buildings insurance is for structural stuff, contents insurance is for everything else. You should be covered for this, there's usually accident cover (or something along these lines), like if someone has an accident on your property and they decide to sue you.

You need to pay, I'd be pissed off if someone dented my car.

paddypoopants · 31/07/2011 12:40

You were very responsible to go and tell him what your dd did there are plenty of people who wouldn't. If I were you I would pay the £75 in two installment and be done with it. Having had scratch and dents repaired on my car it is likely that the work will cost more than £75.
Of course he shouldn't be aggressive towards you but you don't want this to escalate any further - do you?

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 12:41

"well I left it at saying I will pay half as due to his attidude Im reluctant to pay all."

Missed this part. christ you sound obnoxious. YABU, your neighbour is completely in the right.

Xales · 31/07/2011 12:41

X post with you saying it wasn't your car.

You can always let him pursue it through your friends insurance then and cost them both a fortune while you don't pay anything.

Mirroire · 31/07/2011 12:41

YABU - you/your daughter was responsible for the damage, therefore you need to pay for it.

You cannot back out of your responsibilities because you didn't like the way he spoke to you.

You sound like a child yourself.

FilthyDirtyHeathen · 31/07/2011 12:42

He is making a bit of meal of things by the sound of it. If the damage is only a 75 quid repair job then it sounds insignificant. However, you did cause the damage and you should pay for it. If you genuinely can't pay it in one go you should put in writing the exact dates on which you can give him the instalments to show a reasonable commitment.

If he starts being knarky you will have to just take a few deep breaths and accept it I'm afraid. Don't worry about this going legal though, he can write as many official sounding letters as he likes at the end of the day it is a storm in a tea cup.

Somebody did this to my car last month and just fucked off leaving me to pay for the whole job which was a lot more than £75.

Mirroire · 31/07/2011 12:44

Oh and you need to teach your daughter to be more careful or open the door for her in future.

Niecie · 31/07/2011 12:45

Crikey I think you are all being a bit hard on the OP. Accidents happen, she offered to pay even though she can't afford it. If somebody came to me and said they wanted to pay I wouldn't have been as rude as the OP says her neighbour was being. I have at least 2 small dents on my car done by people who didn't bother to mention it when they had done it. I would be damn grateful she owned up and was paying something, I certainly wouldn't have a go.

I presume it is a small dent and scratch, not a whole new panel for the car. They can easily be repaired by Chips Away or the like. It isn't a body shop job costing hundreds. The guy was foolish not to shop around no matter who was responsible for the accident. I also think he was a git for insisting the OP's DD kicked the car. Nice man. It's only a car, it is a cosmetic problem, it doesn't stop him using the car and the repair can be done in a couple of hours if it is so small the OP didn't even notice it first off.

No YANBU to expect him to be civil (although I think compassion is a step too far). You are going to pay when you can afford it. I wouldn't mind betting that he won't even bother to get it fixed and will pocket the money. He hasn't exactly been quick off the mark with the quotes.

I agree with the two post dated cheques. Put them through the door with a letter and have the matter over and done with. Then stay well away from him.

Original poster

festi · 31/07/2011 12:45

I will contact my contents insurance compaqny thanks for that belle,

just to make clear I have not had an attite with him at all, I was willing and still am willing to pay and will. Unfortunatly if I do not have the funds I cant pay in one go.

my opinion is that had he been willing to have a conversation with me we could have had this cleared up rather than letters to and fro. It was a genuine accident.

Im pretty sure alot of people would not have even owned up.

OP posts:

Original poster

festi · 31/07/2011 12:47

I did leave the letter at paying half in september, agreed that probably was a bit unreasonable but had he been able to talk with me I will be more open about my financial situation.

OP posts:

Mirroire · 31/07/2011 12:48

"just to make clear I have not had an attite with him at all, I was willing and still am willing to pay and will"

But you said in your OP:

"It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now"

penguin73 · 31/07/2011 12:49

Grow up and go and talk to him then!

Catslikehats · 31/07/2011 12:49

YABU and your crappy attitude is only going to irritate him further.

try and put yourself in his position. Say, for example, he had accidentally run over your DD's bike, how would you feel if he approached you and said he "will see if he can pay towards it".

I suspect you'd be pretty furious.

BlimminEck · 31/07/2011 12:50

wow i would be incensed too if someone damaged my car then said they would "pay something towards the repairs" then quibble about the cost, then grudgingly say will pay in instalments when convenient

bloody hell! you are out of order

potoftea · 31/07/2011 12:50

He doesn't have to be nice to you, he isn't your friend. He just has to be fair. And he sounds very fair to me.

Why do you expect that he has the money to get it fixed and then wait your 2nd instalment while he is out of pocket? Maybe like yourself, his money is tight and he's really upset at having to sort this. Also going to the garage and getting quotes, and then the repair job, is a bother, and he is the innocent victim of an accident here.
When my child damaged a neigbour's car, I paid up the amount they told me it cost, and gave a bottle of wine as an apology for the inconvience they were put through.

icooksocks · 31/07/2011 12:51

YABVU you should pay him something even if it's a tenner now. September is over 4 weeks away yet and a longtime to wait. I'm quite glad it's not my car. Oh and by the way £175 for a dent and scratch is in fact a very reasonable quote for having it done properly. I suggest you put the childlock on your cardoor so your dd can't go damaging other people's cars.

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