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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or are they? some perspective needed...neighbour problems. honest responses wanted!!!!

215 replies

festi · 31/07/2011 12:20

My dd aged 5, scratched and dented my neighbours car accidently when opening a car door.

I knocked their door and told them and said let me know how much and ill see if I can pay towards it. At the time I thought only a scratch and didnt notice the dent, so thought would cost about £40 or something. Had I known it was a dent aswell I would have explained I didnt have much income etc.

Anyway his attitude was pretty shitty and he kept asking why she had kicked his car and I had to explain over agin it was a genuine accident with car door and not kicked.

I then hearded back from him a few weeks later with a quote for £175, I said I couldnt afford to pay that in one go and I wanted him to get a couple more quotes and get back to me. He was very agressive and would not listen to what I was saying and was insisting I was saying I wouldnt pay this. To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears, he also still did not recognise this was an accident and reffered to dd kicking his car, I was clear to reiterate she did not kick his car.

This weekend a month after the incident I have had a typed up letter through my door from him with the lowest quote of £75, I can pay this in two instalments from september. I am worried about the tone of his letter, It is very oficial and I wonder if he has had legal advice. I havent refused to pay and so now im worried he will take me to court and I will be footing a larger bill of legal fees.

It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now. I probably am being unreasonable here, but had I been in this situation and the child had genuinly done this by accident and the parent admitted I would probably not persue them for anything let alone take it this badly. I wish I hadnt even told them now.

So opinions if they are being unrasonable or If I am for expecting some civil conversation and compassion from them?

and aslo what should I do now, wait for a respnse from them or attempt to talk directly with them?

OP posts:
VirtualWitch · 31/07/2011 17:08

I refer to your first post, where you write "To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears , he also still did not recognise this was an accident"

I'm a person who really looks after their things, which is why I find your attitude upsetting. I look after my things because I have to pay for them myself, and I expect other people to have the courtesy of not damaging them. I know I will have to sell my car to fund the purchase of my next car and in fact my car is on autotrader right now and I have lost a sale due to the dent in it caused by someone doing what your child did to your neighbour's car in a car park.

Yes, you owned up (are you sure its not because you thought he had seen you anyway?) but you seem to think that saying you don't have much money entitles you to damage things and get off and complain about other people's attitude when it is pretty obvious your neighbour was upset because you damaged his car?

bumbleymummy · 31/07/2011 17:16

Virtualwitch - she has said she's going to pay for it. Would you still be cross about having to wait a month or so to get damage fixed?

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 17:31

and again virtualwitch you have it way wrong.

OP posts:
VirtualWitch · 31/07/2011 17:38

I'm confused about several things the OP has said and I'd still be worried about when she is going to pay for it, so my guess would be that the car owner feels the same way? Confused?

bumbleymummy yes, I'd probably pay to get it fixed myself (which would make me out of pocket) if I had to wait a month for half the cost of fixing it.

Mitmoo · 31/07/2011 17:46

If you get your student grant, which you will that will be a lump sum so pay him out of that. You are also a single parent so will be getting a single parents learners allowance. You will probably also get a bursary.

Call student finance tomorrow, find out exactly how much you will be getting in September, then inform your neighbour that you CAN pay in FULL and when you will do it. You will get your first terms payments up front.

Find out then you can stop messing your neighbour around.

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 17:55

Seems a reasonable enough letter. As someone who was happy to put the boot into you earlier for what I thought was completely unreasonable and rude behaviour I'm equally happy to say fair play for swallowing a bit of pride and re-assessing the situation and your reaction to it after asking for opinions on here.

ScarlettIsWalking · 31/07/2011 18:53

Come on OP you can pay him quicker than that by working something out. This guy has done nothing wrong and you are going to pay him in drubs and drabs a very reasonable and small amount of money.

If I were him I would be taking you to court, Simply for your attitude - what you have communicated to him in the letter is nonsense and he still doesn't know if he is going to be paid.

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 18:57

mitmoo I would have already payed him half before my grant comes through and I wont get anything before I start uni at the end of september. then the forst payment will be october.

OP posts:
Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 19:06

I have done some reaserch and he can serve me papers for the smalls claim court and I would have to reply stating i accept responsability and make my offer of payment that would have to be accepted by him, so would not end up in court.

I have also just seem them on my way back from the park with dd and both smiled and said hello, so seems the friction has settled. so thanks to those who have given me advice.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 31/07/2011 19:11

I do think it's totally out of line that you will pay him half of what he's asking in TWO MONTH'S TIME and you can't commit to the other half - after he's hugely reduced his original quote.

Just give him the whole lot in one go - i simply don't believe you have no means of doing this.

ScarlettIsWalking · 31/07/2011 19:23

Poor guy. Yab really u

PrincessScrumpy · 31/07/2011 19:26

YABU - he may be being a bit daft about it but when a woman drove into dh's parked car (only gently as she was parking and misjudged it) we only got one quote from a company that we trusted to do the work properly and tbh with children and working fulltime, I wouldn't have been impressed if I had to find the time to get 3 quotes.

Plus, you say that you can't pay the full amount untin October - if I was him I would be livid at being expected to either fork out myself (how do you know his finances are any better than yours), or wait until October and be driving my car with a dent in it.

No point claiming on insurance as the excess is almost certainly more. I think he's been very reasonable in getting another quote.

hairfullofsnakes · 31/07/2011 20:07

Poor man having to deal with your very ARSEY and unreasonable behaviour
Yabvvvvvu - borrow the money if need be and pay the man

bumbleymummy · 31/07/2011 21:52

Can I askwhat the big deal is about driving a car with a dent in it for a couple of months? It's not like the door won't open or it's made it somehow undrivable. It's annoying, yes, but I am a bit surprised that some of you would put yourselves into debt or make yourselves short of money to fix a small bit of damage to your car rather than just wait 2 months!

bellavita · 31/07/2011 22:15

Because bumble, I don't like driving around in a dented car, it screams of me not being bothered, not looking after my property, leaving it open for others to think the same and dent it even more.

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 22:17

then put it in the garage and dont the run risk of accidents.

OP posts:
bellavita · 31/07/2011 22:23

Festi don't be ridiculous. I need my car to get to work, you know the job that enables me to have nice things.

WetAugust · 31/07/2011 22:26

YABVVVU

He's bent over backwards to find ways that permit you to pay comfortably and even then you say you'll pay the first instalment, after which you want a longer term!

Unbelievable.

Do you have any sense of responsibility at all?

Were you insured to drive your friend's car? I doubt it if, as you claim, you are so totally broke.

Poor bloke trying to deal with a nightmare like you.

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 22:27

i wasnt driving

OP posts:
WetAugust · 31/07/2011 22:30

In that case, my apology for suggesting you weren't insured.

But you're still being VVVU for making him wait for payment.

thursday · 01/08/2011 00:39

wow, unbelievable attitude in the OP (i've skipped to the end, it's late)

i have 2 dents this month in my previously pristine car thanks and neither of the cowardly fuckers have had the decency to own up so kudos there, but then \ < that's you going downhill. why should he drag himself about getting lots of quotes to make it easier for you to fix the damage caused? he's inconvenienced enough as it is already. you offered to pay towards it? how big of you!

particularly like the comment about parking in the garage, nice passing the buck to the innocent car owner.

befuzzled · 01/08/2011 00:43

YABU - £75 is cheap to repair a dent and a scratch, trust me!

jasper · 01/08/2011 00:52

£75 is very cheap to repair a dent /scratch.

You don't get to choose his attitude/ manner of communicating.

It's good that you have agreed to pay up ( in 2 installments)

I don't think you need to worry about small claims etc if you have agreed to pay.

But please don't go getting upset by his attitude.

AmberLeaf · 01/08/2011 01:16

OP you are getting a hard time here, I dont see why as yu have stated several times that you are going to pay,.

The man sounds like an arse tbh, not because he is annoyed at his car being damaged but because he tried to say your daughter did the damage by kicking his car!

Im sure you will pay as soon as you can.

feistywtf · 01/08/2011 04:46

Yadbu

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