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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or are they? some perspective needed...neighbour problems. honest responses wanted!!!!

215 replies

festi · 31/07/2011 12:20

My dd aged 5, scratched and dented my neighbours car accidently when opening a car door.

I knocked their door and told them and said let me know how much and ill see if I can pay towards it. At the time I thought only a scratch and didnt notice the dent, so thought would cost about £40 or something. Had I known it was a dent aswell I would have explained I didnt have much income etc.

Anyway his attitude was pretty shitty and he kept asking why she had kicked his car and I had to explain over agin it was a genuine accident with car door and not kicked.

I then hearded back from him a few weeks later with a quote for £175, I said I couldnt afford to pay that in one go and I wanted him to get a couple more quotes and get back to me. He was very agressive and would not listen to what I was saying and was insisting I was saying I wouldnt pay this. To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears, he also still did not recognise this was an accident and reffered to dd kicking his car, I was clear to reiterate she did not kick his car.

This weekend a month after the incident I have had a typed up letter through my door from him with the lowest quote of £75, I can pay this in two instalments from september. I am worried about the tone of his letter, It is very oficial and I wonder if he has had legal advice. I havent refused to pay and so now im worried he will take me to court and I will be footing a larger bill of legal fees.

It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now. I probably am being unreasonable here, but had I been in this situation and the child had genuinly done this by accident and the parent admitted I would probably not persue them for anything let alone take it this badly. I wish I hadnt even told them now.

So opinions if they are being unrasonable or If I am for expecting some civil conversation and compassion from them?

and aslo what should I do now, wait for a respnse from them or attempt to talk directly with them?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 31/07/2011 15:16

Children shouldn't be opening car doors themselves, they should be waiting. Why dont you teach your child not to open car doors, be a cheaper day out for you.

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 15:18

£75 sounds very far from a rip off. Chances are he's found someone through a mate who'll do it VAT free or something because it sounds ridiculously cheap

Mitmoo · 31/07/2011 15:20

Sorry I read it as £175, £75 is cheap. My apologies for misreading.

SpottyFrock · 31/07/2011 15:20

Ok, so still your responsibility if your dd.
As I said, my friend really doesn't want to just have a week in Cornwall instead of two but she (rightly) is completely insistent that as her child caused the damage, she needs to pay.

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 15:20

as with all parents, Fabby, I teach my child lots of things, the simple fact they are children means they dont always think clearly about what they are doing and perceptions such as space etc are not yet fully developed.

OP posts:
emptyshell · 31/07/2011 15:21

Why the hell should he have to be £75 or whatever down because of something YOUR child did? That could be his month's food shopping for all you know. Why should you expect him to drive around with his property damaged because you didn't like his attitude?

YOUR child damaged it = you should pay it, point blank. He's fully entitled to be pissed off that his car that he's probably worked his bollocks off for is damaged through no fault of his own and that the woman whose kid did it is trying to wriggle out of paying it - I'd be at mushroom clouds of rage level by now so he sounds very moderate to me!

You've made him run around getting umpteen quotes, you've made him wait and drive around with a dent in his car - which is unfair anyway because why should he have to be driving around with a kidwallop size crater in the side of the car - and now you're going to prat him around and pay half - so he's going to be financially out of pocket because of your negligence. Whether other people on here are/aren't fussed about their car's paintwork - some people are, and they're entitled to try to keep their cars as clean and decent as they want to.

Jeez.

Mitmoo · 31/07/2011 15:25

empty you're right she has to get the money and pay. All credit to her though for fessing up without being caught.

SpottyFrock · 31/07/2011 15:29

Oh they do learn to wait alright! I an very insistent on both dds waiting because they are 5&3. Dd1 once ignored this rule when we went to a playcentre. Luckily no car other side but the fact that we went home and she missed out meant she hasn't done it again.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 31/07/2011 15:37

Is your dd Pansy Potter? It's conceivable that a 5 year old opening a car door can cause scratches to another vehicle parked nearby, but denting it? That must have been some clunk.

In any event, you've admitted liability and offered to pay £75 in two instalments commencing in September.

I would suggest that you endeavour to pay £40 as the first instalment and, if you cannot pay by cheque and intend to pay in cash, write out a receipt to the effect 'Received from (your name) the sum of £40 as first payment in respect of accidental damage caused to vehicle (registration number). Balance of £35 to follow. Signed................. Date..Sept 2011
.
Don't hand over any cash unless the receipt is signed

spiderpig8 · 31/07/2011 15:56

I don't think legally you would be held responsible for your child causing accidental damage and that's why he is trying to argue that your child was causing the damage wifully .He could try taking you to small claims court but IME they would say that's what insurance is for.

Morally is a different question.

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 16:00

ok so I have wrote a letter saying.

I feel we have both upset each other over the incident and assured him I am sorry for the damage caused. I accepted the letter I sent was blunt and this was a knee jerk reaction to his.

I assured him I will pay half in september and will endevour to pay the next half in october or in smaller installments. I will avoid needing to resort to smaller payments to the best of my ability but my income for october onwards is at present unclear as I will be starting university and will be assesed for a student grant.

I said I will be willing to talk with him at greater length if he so wished to but I respect his desire for written communication.

OP posts:
StopRainingPlease · 31/07/2011 16:05

Manipedi, yes I would drive around in a scratched, dented car Smile. Doesn't really bother me. If it was something functional, like a damaged light, I'd fix it, but not otherwise.

BigHairyGruffalo · 31/07/2011 16:13

The problem with driving around in a scratched, dented car for a while is rust issues. If you cannot pay him the full amount now, I hope you are prepared to pay him any extra costs that may have been incurred by waiting to get it fixed. £75 is seriously cheap, and tbh probably won't be very professionally done. You should be grateful that he hasn't started any court proceedings.

Shutupanddrive · 31/07/2011 16:29

stoprainingplease it would bother you if you tried to sell your car on with a scratch and a dent in it as it would knock the value considerably

VirtualWitch · 31/07/2011 16:36

Wow, I bet he really doesn't want to talk to you "at greater length" and be messed around still further and put up with you crying (I really hate women who do that, this is hardly a crying matter, its simply something you have to deal with as any other responsible adult would).

Your child must have really walloped it with the car door to cause a dent. You are now expecting him to be out of pocket while he pays for the repairs and you pay half in September and the rest on the never never. Why don't you just pay what you owe and make yourself out of pocket? Its your responsibility so take it! And I'm sorry but nearly everyone has financial restrictions these days, yours are no more important than anyone else's.

And £75 is really cheap for that sort of damage. My own car has a dent in the side caused by someone unknown and it bloody irritates me every time I see it.

Your attitude makes me feel really uncomfortable. I bet you won't pay it either and he'll have to chase you up even more to make you face up to your responsibility.

happygilmore · 31/07/2011 16:41

Surely you can sell some stuff on ebay to try and pay him quicker?

Niecie · 31/07/2011 16:43

£75 is probably for Chips Away service or something similar. They can easily repair minor bumps and scratches and they can do it at your own home. It is not a big deal, this isn't going to a garage or anything like that. It isn't going to rust or get any worse. I have two such bumps on my car, had them for ages and they were done by people who didn't fess up so I have left them. They haven't rusted or anything like that. If the OP had to go round looking for them and didn't notice first off they really aren't very big. Let's not get carried away about how bad damage is.

VirtualWitch · 31/07/2011 16:47

And I wouldn't describe this as a "neighbour problem". Your neighbour has actually been perfectly decent to you. Its just that you want to be let off with it and they aren't letting you. Its a problem specifically caused by your child denting a car, nothing to do with being neighbours or not. It could have been a person in a supermarket car park with the same set of circumstances.

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 16:47

I think virtual and happy you are blowing this up way out of proportion. I havnt got anything to sell neither should I.

I dont have any disposable income simple as that, a month or 2 wont cause any further damage. inconvienient yes, but I diont see there is anything else I can do.

not that it makes any difference but I did not cry to him, your perception of me virtual is way out. what do you suppose I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 16:49

but it wasnt, in that case I would have worded it person in supermarket car park. I think you are being picky now.

OP posts:
ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 16:49

Sounds like quite a well put together letter OP.

If I was the car owner and I got that I think it would mellow me slightly Smile.

Glad to see that you have taken on board what everyone has said and taken responsibility for it.

BlimminEck · 31/07/2011 16:51

just pay him the money you spend on fags each day

Original poster
festi · 31/07/2011 16:52

I dont spend money on fags

OP posts:
happygilmore · 31/07/2011 16:58

I'm not blowing anything out of proportion. When I owe someone money, I go out of my way to pay them back as soon as possible - and yes that includes when I lived on a very low income.

I would sell something, work longer hours, get a loan etc if I was in your position, but clearly we are different people with different ideals.

Incidentally, if someone's child damaged an item of yours, would you have been happy with the same response you've given?

bumbleymummy · 31/07/2011 16:59

Festi, it's good that you have admitted responsibility and I think it is a good idea to send him another letter now to confirm that you are going to pay the full amount and when. I do think that you should pay it ASAP and perhaps giving him two cheques now, dated for sept and oct would be acceptable to him. Is there any possibility that your bank would give you a small,temporary overdraft so that you could pay it sooner?

For those of you talking about his financial situation and putting him out of pocket, why on earth do you think he would prioritise fixing a dent in his car over food or whatever? If he's been assured that he will get the money for it, what is the big deal about waiting a month or so to get the work done? A dent and a scratch hardly makes the car undriveable!