or are they? some perspective needed...neighbour problems. honest responses wanted!!!!

[festi]

My dd aged 5, scratched and dented my neighbours car accidently when opening a car door.

I knocked their door and told them and said let me know how much and ill see if I can pay towards it. At the time I thought only a scratch and didnt notice the dent, so thought would cost about £40 or something. Had I known it was a dent aswell I would have explained I didnt have much income etc.

Anyway his attitude was pretty shitty and he kept asking why she had kicked his car and I had to explain over agin it was a genuine accident with car door and not kicked.

I then hearded back from him a few weeks later with a quote for £175, I said I couldnt afford to pay that in one go and I wanted him to get a couple more quotes and get back to me. He was very agressive and would not listen to what I was saying and was insisting I was saying I wouldnt pay this. To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears, he also still did not recognise this was an accident and reffered to dd kicking his car, I was clear to reiterate she did not kick his car.

This weekend a month after the incident I have had a typed up letter through my door from him with the lowest quote of £75, I can pay this in two instalments from september. I am worried about the tone of his letter, It is very oficial and I wonder if he has had legal advice. I havent refused to pay and so now im worried he will take me to court and I will be footing a larger bill of legal fees.

It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now. I probably am being unreasonable here, but had I been in this situation and the child had genuinly done this by accident and the parent admitted I would probably not persue them for anything let alone take it this badly. I wish I hadnt even told them now.

So opinions if they are being unrasonable or If I am for expecting some civil conversation and compassion from them?

and aslo what should I do now, wait for a respnse from them or attempt to talk directly with them?

"If somebody came to me and said they wanted to pay I wouldn't have been as rude as the OP says her neighbour was being."

That's the rub though isn't it? She's saying that he was rude yet even telling the story from her biased p.o.v. she still comes off to many posters here as the one who is being rude.
Firstly she begins with an offer to 'pay something towards' the damage that her daughter has caused. Then she tells him she can't pay and that he has to get more quotes. At this point her claim that he is being rude extends to the fact that he is speaking as though he thinks she will not pay up. She then starts setting the terms of when she will pay and how much when he has gotten a very reasonable quote. She then sets down terms that she will now only be paying half of the money she is liable for because she doesn't like his attitude.
TBF if I was in his position I'd think she was trying to get out of paying. She's said a couple of times on this thread alone that she wishes now she'd never told him and how she now feels like she shouldn't pay him due to his attitude. So he's not being rude, he's spot on in his interpetation.

NO I wouldnt be fuming TheQueen.

YABVU

Regardless of whether his attitude is shitty or not, it was your daughter's fault, therefore it is your fault.

Why should your neighbour have to foot the bill while you get the money together? What if he hasn't got the money to pay it all in one go either?

Why would a conversation change anything? You've already said you can't pay in one go so why does it matter to you if he's posted a letter through your door or if he talks to you about it? A conversation or a letter, the outcome will be the same. He is clearly to angry to want to talk to you about it further and I can't say I blame him.

It was probably the initial "I'll see if I can pay towards it" which got his back up, as it would mine.

"Buildings insurance is for structural stuff, contents insurance is for everything else"

I think you have this wrong. The legal liability comes under the building insurance. I worked in Insurance for 15 years.
As I said above my daughter scratched a car door with her bike handle. My insurance company paid the claim from the legal liability section of the building section not from the contents cover.
They told us to get the car owner to claim under their car insurance and the two insurance companies spoke to each other.
I had taken the DCs out on their bikes and on the way back they were riding along the pavement ahead of me. DD stopped because a couple were getting out of the car. She tried to start again and wobbled and the bike handle fell and scratche the car.

If DD had been older they may not have paid out as by law we were not liable, but they felt that she was too far ahead of me, so paid out. She was actually in between me and her brother when it happened.

By all ways check with insurance company but I doubt there will anything under the contents cover for this, they may give you free legal advice under the contents cover.

He has to put things in writing from a legal point of view, he can take you to court himself via moneyclaimonline and he will win.

Do you want a court judgement against you because of your inability to tell him about your financial circumstances?

Borrow the money, get a social fund loan and pay it.

No bruffin, my contents insurance covers me for things like this (legal and General). I know because ds had a similar accident, he fell off his bike into a parked car. I called them, I could claim but chose to pay myself.

there is no legal point of view, before he wrote the letter I said I would pay.

I have no one to borrow from and a social fund will not cover this.

I can understand why this whole situation has upset you. Accidents do happen, but sometimes people just seem to want to go for blood in response instead of settling it like mature adults. Then again, you talk about your financial situation but do you really know his? How do you know he doesn't have financial difficulties of his own and that this whole incident has caught him at a really bad time money wise? Unfortunately the damage done is your responsibility and your responsibility to pay, like others have said maybe his hostility has been caused by perceiving you as trying to get out of paying? Or maybe he's just a grumpy git, who knows? It doesn't really matter in the end does it? What does it that your daughter caused damage to his car and it is now your responsibility to pay for said damages.

The sensible thing for you to do is to continue being as civil as possible - regardless of how he behaves - and to agree to pay ALL of the money based on the quote he's given you. You mention you're worried about him getting legal advice and taking you to court, you SHOULD be worried - people are more than happy to take one another to court nowadays, and it would be a lot more costly for you if he does! Just get this sorted and once it is forget about it.

You cant refuse to pay a fairly reasonable amount just because he has been mean to you.

Its all very upsetting but I think you are being VVU.

You damaged his car. Why should he pay?

I get the idea that 'being nice' to you means 'forget it love I will cover it'

I'm with niecie on this one. It seems to me that the OP started off with all best intentions and then was greeted in a curmudgeonly manner by the neighbour: insisting on saying that the child "kicked" the car was to mind really unpleasant.

I agree that he should be paid but I don't blame the OP for feeling "arsie" after his attitude to someone who started off trying to do the right thing.

It was your fault. You should have made sure your dd got out of the car without hitting his car intentional or not. You have offered to pay but asked him to look for alternative quotes. He has now found one for £75 which seems very reasonable. I would suggest you give him some money now whether its £5 or £20 to show good will. I think he is being quite fair. Also by doing it by letter he's not getting angry as it seems as if he was moving towards that. Correspond with him via letter and have you apologised profousley for your dd's act. If you have I'm sure that will help alot.

Mine was legal and general as well and they paid under my buildings insurance .
It it appears with L&G you can buy extra cover which includes legal liability, but you wouldn't need it if you have buildings cover, because it is already in there.

ok so a few reasoned responses thanks for those. I will be reasonable when talking with him, which I have been. if he does want to talk, forget the paying half, I do agree this was unreasonable and a knee jerk reaction to his letter.

I wont approach him on this though, I will respond to his letters or if he talks with me. it seems he maybe is worried about getting angry and that is why he wrote to me.

His attitude doesn't make any difference to the situation. His manner may not be pleasant but I think he has been pretty reasonable in getting cheaper quotes and agreeing to be paid by installments. A small claims court might not be so reasonable.

Pay it as quickly as you can and move on.

I think you are both making assumptions about each other.

He thinks you are going to get angry and cry or something he finds embarrassing
You think he is horrible because he seems to think you did this on purpose.

People are very funny about their cars. They get very angry when they are damaged. He shouldnt have been horrible to you but its not suprising.

Its going to be difficult to talk. Drop him a letter and say you are sorry its all gone a bit wrong, reiterate it was an accident and you will be paying but you have been very worried about affording it. Give him some money and tell him when you will be giving him the next amount.

If he still choses to be arsey after that I think he is probably just a bit of a git.

"started off with all best intentions "
she started with 'i'll see if i can pay something towards it.' a frankly terrible attitude.

The guy started out being shitty, saying the OP's DD kicked the car. What is that all about?

It is a minor dent to a car, the guy can wait for the OP to pay even if it isn't for a couple of months. As I said earlier, he wasn't exactly in a hurry to get more quotes was he? It took a month to get the £75 quote.

There is no reason why he is being so nasty. OK he won't be overjoyed but if his attitude had been better and he pulled his finger out and got the quotes, it could have all been sorted by now.

Tell me, all of you who don't seem to have a problem with the guys attitude, would you be as rude as he has been? She said she would pay. I think she was very wise to not say she would pay it all up front - he could have come to her asking for any old amount. She was also wise to ask him to get several quotes - that is what an insurance company would have done too although chances are the amounts involved are less than most people's excesses so I doubt they would have been interested.

Yes you should absolutely pay the money in as few installments as you can muster but I don't blame you for wishing you hadn't started this and kept quiet. I once hit a parked car and left a note. I did more damage than the OP DD did and the driver of the car was very reasonable about but why shouldn't she be? What good is there is saying I was driving too fast, or whatever and changing the facts like this guy has been doing.

Accidents happen and it is only a car. Nobody was hurt!!

It is a person's moral obligation to own up to causing the damage even if accidentally. You did this. But then to told him you would see if you could pay towards it. That statement in itself would have irritated me. No, I would think to myself, you will not see if you could pay, you should pay. You then ask him do get a few more quotes. My goodness!!! I can understand his attitude, TBH.

Stop prevaricating and pay him the full amount.

YABVU

that is exactly how Im feeling Niecie.

I don't see what his attitude has got to do with anything - your daughter damaged his car, therefore you should pay, no?

You keep saying many people wouldn't even have owned up, that hardly makes it OK! I don't see what on earth there is to debate about this, even if he was completely rude to you (and tbh it doesn't even sound like he was), your daughter still caused the damage, therefore you are still responsible for it.

Why on earth would you think otherwise?

I understand you are feeling crap about this OP but that makes no difference to your obligation to pay.

He doesnt have to be nice to you. It would be better if he was but he doent have to be.

Just pay it.

I'm with the neighbour, I'm afraid. Starting off with "offering to pay towards it" was just damn rude.
Either watch your parking/kid, or pay up the full amount.

I think you sound pretty awful frankly - you admitted your daughter had done it, and told him you would "see" if you could get it fixed then made HIM get more quotes for HIS car that YOUR daughter damaged - anything else you want? Your child damaged his property. People are funny about it because cars are very, very expensive, people have to work very, very hard to pay for them and damage to them means a lower resale value. You however seem to think he should be falling at your feet with gratitude. You are the rude one and should suck it up and get it paid.

I did actually ram someone's car by being a careless tit, and caused a bit of damage. I immediately apologised and arranged to pay the full amount, as confirmed by the garage. At first they wanted random sums of money in cash - not happening, as I said I'd be more than happy to go to the garage myself and pay the bill, even giving the garage my details beforehand. The quotes went up and down, until finally they decided not to bother with it all.

I personally think you are a cheeky mare!! Good for him for getting it in writing- your response will go down great in court! Sounds like to grow up and take responsibility. It is irrelevant what he says or thinks about you- your daughter caused the damage, you will have to pay. It will cost alot more than £75 in court.