Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

AIBU?

or are they? some perspective needed...neighbour problems. honest responses wanted!!!!

215 replies

festi · 31/07/2011 12:20

My dd aged 5, scratched and dented my neighbours car accidently when opening a car door.

I knocked their door and told them and said let me know how much and ill see if I can pay towards it. At the time I thought only a scratch and didnt notice the dent, so thought would cost about £40 or something. Had I known it was a dent aswell I would have explained I didnt have much income etc.

Anyway his attitude was pretty shitty and he kept asking why she had kicked his car and I had to explain over agin it was a genuine accident with car door and not kicked.

I then hearded back from him a few weeks later with a quote for £175, I said I couldnt afford to pay that in one go and I wanted him to get a couple more quotes and get back to me. He was very agressive and would not listen to what I was saying and was insisting I was saying I wouldnt pay this. To end the converstation I asked him to stop and listen and explained I could not pay £175 in one go, go and get another few quotes and we will need to talk then. I was so upset at his bullyish and aggressive attitde I was reduced to tears, he also still did not recognise this was an accident and reffered to dd kicking his car, I was clear to reiterate she did not kick his car.

This weekend a month after the incident I have had a typed up letter through my door from him with the lowest quote of £75, I can pay this in two instalments from september. I am worried about the tone of his letter, It is very oficial and I wonder if he has had legal advice. I havent refused to pay and so now im worried he will take me to court and I will be footing a larger bill of legal fees.

It would be easier if he would knock my door and talk directly with me, I have written a letter back saying I will pay half of the £75 in september and left it at that.

Im fuming and reluctant to pay anything now. I probably am being unreasonable here, but had I been in this situation and the child had genuinly done this by accident and the parent admitted I would probably not persue them for anything let alone take it this badly. I wish I hadnt even told them now.

So opinions if they are being unrasonable or If I am for expecting some civil conversation and compassion from them?

and aslo what should I do now, wait for a respnse from them or attempt to talk directly with them?

OP posts:

Report

smellimelli · 31/07/2011 14:48

YABVU.

Your child damaged his car. Your child is your responsibility. You should pay asap.

His attitude doesn't sound very nice but what if he's got no cash to pay for it and this has stressed him out? At least he made the effort to find a cheaper quote.

Is there no one you can borrow them money from and pay them back in Sept?

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 14:48

"well I left it at saying I will pay half as due to his attidude Im reluctant to pay all."
Took that to mean she told him she'd only be paying half. Not sure which of our interpretations is correct.

festi · 31/07/2011 14:48

im not sure what Im not listening to, I have already said I will pay the full amount and that considering paying half was UR. I have listened and responded acordingly. I have not actually said to him I will not pay the second half.

When he responds to that I will let him know. he has set the president of communicating through letter. I am reluctant to approach him as has clearly shown he is not able to keep his temper. therefore I will respond to his letters.

Had he been able to converse with me this would have been sorted alot quicker.

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 31/07/2011 14:50

I think she genuinely did not believe she was being U and that having told him who was responsible for the damage when she might have just said nothing and having offered to contribute towards the costs if she can with her low income, she really thought she was being nice and neighbourly and doing more than she had to. I think she was genuinely quite stunned that he saw it differently and feels she has to pay for it all even though it was an accident.

I expect now she realises the situation is actually a bit different and maybe when she has a chance to digest that and can approach it with a bit more calm, it should be something that can be sorted out. I also think 75 is very cheap and he went to quite some effort to be accommodating about that at least so she will have to see whether she can get past whatever rucus there was and sorti t out.

I think once you get past the idea that you do not have to pay anything because it was an accident and actually it is nice to offer within your limits to the idea that you do in fact have to pay it all, it changes things quite a bit.

festi · 31/07/2011 14:52

I am giving up smoking, have not drank recently due to my finacial situation and my budget only allows for neccesities at the moment, hence why I cant afford anything at the moment. every single penny is accounted for to feed my dd and thats it. I have worked out I can afford to pay half in september as I have meat and frozen veg in my freezer so have accounted for this. after september I dont know what money I will have coming in as I will be starting uni and my student grant and housing benifit will be assesed.

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 14:53

and if you'd accepted you were liable for the full cost of the repairs it would have been over a lot quicker too.

ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 14:53

Ok, OP that's good that you are going to pay for it all.

How are you going to get the money, and when are you going to pay for it?

I think you need to work this out before you converse with him again, as I am sure he will be asking the same questions.

ZZZenAgain · 31/07/2011 14:53

see what you mean mq

ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 14:54

Sorry XP festi.

StopRainingPlease · 31/07/2011 14:59

Wow, am I the only car-owner not fussed about the perfection of my paintwork? If someone had damaged my car deliberately I'd be pretty cross, but for an accident like this I think I'd let it go. Not saying everyone else would or should do the same, and yes I'd offer to pay if I damaged someone else's car, but if I was the owner of the damaged car I wouldn't be so belligerent about it.

snippywoo2 · 31/07/2011 15:02

like I said before just ask your friend who parked to close to your neighbours car to lend you the money after all they have to take some responsibility for it as another poster said your neighbour could just report them to his insurance company.

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 15:03

Depends on the damage tbf. An accidental scratch by a neighbour I'd probably leave it. A dent I'd want fixed. If someone scratched or dented it due to their inability to park/drive I'd want it fixed as well.
However in all these situations it'd be my decision to waive it and if someone damaged my car and came over discussing how they'd pay something towards fixing the damage which they had caused I'd think them unbelievably rude.

ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 15:03

StopRainingPlease - do you mean you would let it go, as in, you would be happy to drive around in a scratched/dented car, or let it go, as in, you would be happy to pay for the repair yourself?

festi · 31/07/2011 15:04

"and if you'd accepted you were liable for the full cost of the repairs it would have been over a lot quicker too".

I did in actual fact when he knocked my door, but he was unable to listen to this.

OP posts:

ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 15:05

Also, would the friend who was driving not have to accept some of the responsibility for parking within close proximity to the car?

I'm not saying this is the case - just throwing some ideas out there.

ZZZenAgain · 31/07/2011 15:06

it is often a good idea to include those things people aren't listening to in letters IME

well, try and calm it down from your side at least and be clear and do what you can to sort it out ASAP

ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 15:06

x post snippywoo!

SpottyFrock · 31/07/2011 15:07

Accidents do not absolve you of responsibility!
And to all those people saying the op didn't have to tell him -well maybe she could have got away with not telling him but it would certainly not have been right either morally or legally. Which is why he can legally persue you for the monies owed.

Really, I have to ask, if you absolutely cannot afford such a repair bill, are you not completely on top of your dd about not opening car doors?

ManiPedi · 31/07/2011 15:07

What has your friend who was driving said about the incident festi?

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 15:08

You started with the position of 'see what I can pay towards it.', followed by I can't afford that get better quotes, followed by I can pay half now and then I'll only pay half because of your attitude. I'm willing to forgive him if he has somehow failed to perceive your open acknowledgment of full liability and intention to pay him in full for the repairs.

festi · 31/07/2011 15:10

I wouldnt ask my friend as I see it was my responsability as it was my child. She didnt offer and so I wouldnt want to ask and cause any friction between us.

I didnt even think about making sure the child lock was on before getting into the car and she wasnt parked to close, just that dd opened the door wide before I managed to get to it my self. I seen her opening it when i was so close and said no wait and attempted to catch the door but was just seconds too late.

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 31/07/2011 15:11

In fact by your time line when you were conversing you left it I can't afford that with get better quotes and we can talk then.
That doesn't exactly sound like you were accepting fll responsibility for the costs. You were also still hung up on him recognising it was an accident.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

SpottyFrock · 31/07/2011 15:11

Sorry, have I missed the part that someone else caused the damage? If so, why on earth aren't they paying?

festi · 31/07/2011 15:14

no spotty just that it was my friends car.

OP posts:

Mitmoo · 31/07/2011 15:16

OP I'd take some really good photos of the damage all angles, get the make and model of the car, then take that around to different garages to ask for them to give you a provisional estimate.

Ultimately he can go where he likes it's your accident, your fault, just to make sure you're not being ripped off.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.