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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS wants to sleep with his girlfriend

280 replies

Fairenuff · 26/07/2011 14:48

DS is 12 and has had the same girlfriend for 3 years (also 12yo). They were friends before they became 'an item'.

The thing is, they have always had sleepovers at each others houses, where they share a room. Last time they slept here was about 3 months ago. She had a separate bed in his room, as usual, but when I checked on them, they were in the same bed with their arms around each other.

I have spoken to DS about it and told him they can't share a bed, but now I'm thinking that actually, they should not have sleepovers because I can't 'police' them all night.

I know they are very young, they have both said they're not going to 'do anything' but they do kiss on the lips and say they love each other. DS's girlfriend has told me that he 'dared' her to 'snog' him Shock

AIBU to say 'no' to sleepovers?

OP posts:
carabos · 26/07/2011 14:50

Good heavens - are you aware that if they do "something" you could all be in serious trouble? And what do the girl's parents think about it? How can any of this be ok on any level?

scuzy · 26/07/2011 14:51

i'm sorry ... but what in the hell were they doing having sleepovers in each others room if they were seeing eachother?

joric · 26/07/2011 14:51

YANBU - no sleepovers in same room. Too young.

4madboys · 26/07/2011 14:52

totally NOT ok, sleepovers in SEPERATE ROOMS and i think you need to talk to his girlfriends parents, and the kids themselves about sex, age of consent etc.

FebreezeYourJeans · 26/07/2011 14:52

A 'girlfriend' at 9??? Being 'an item' at 9???
Sounds completely bonkers to me, but no - if they are thinking of themselves in those terms then I wouldn't allow them to share a bedroom.

joric · 26/07/2011 14:52

YABU to have let them sleep in same room previously :(

scuzy · 26/07/2011 14:52

but OP you have enabled and allowed these sleepovers no? thats shocking! it should stop NOW!

ShoutyHamster · 26/07/2011 14:53

Good God, no more sleepovers!!

FAR too young to be trusted and certainly old enough to get everybody in a MASSIVE amount of trouble!

NikkiSix · 26/07/2011 14:53

Can 12 year old boys even have sex though?? I have a 12 year old and they're still little kids.

supadupapupascupa · 26/07/2011 14:54

12 is a good age to stop the sleep overs. they are in puberty, so it is appropriate to change the rules now.

i actually think it's nice they have grown up together and had sleep overs, but it isn't appropriate now.

Countingwiththecount · 26/07/2011 14:55

YABVU NOT to say no to sleepovers, they are reaching/ experiencing puberty. YABU to even call them boyfriend and girlfriend.

Reality · 26/07/2011 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 26/07/2011 14:56

Agree with the other posters, this is a time when you should be parenting your son and setting boundaries.

What was it about the situation that made you unsure enough to start a thread about it?

Do you think they should be in the same bed at night?

fanjobanjowanjo · 26/07/2011 14:57

STOP the sleepovers NOW you FOOL. One of my ex bf's when I was younger (I was 18), had a younger brother with a 14 year old GF, and they were totally bonking from AGED 13. I was absolutely shocked when she started telling me about giving her bf oral sex.

messymammy · 26/07/2011 14:58

who the fuck has a girlfriend of 3 years at 12?! ShockShockShock
OP that is madness!Stop the sleepovers, fgs, unless you really like the name granny.

minipie · 26/07/2011 14:58

YANBU to say no to sleepovers

and she's been his girlfriend since he was 9? Shock surely you mean she's been his friend since she was 9, and happens to be a girl? 9 year olds don't have girlfriends and boyfriends unless someone puts the idea into their head

Rhinestone · 26/07/2011 14:58

Er...why didn't you move them into separate bedrooms immediately? Very very odd that you would allow this and totally sends out the wrong message.

Am flabbergasted that you and her parents allow this. Start acting like parents instead of cool best friends.

reelingintheyears · 26/07/2011 14:58

Do her parents know what's going on.

I be pretty fucking Angry with you if i found out you'd allowed my DD to sleep with your Ds and i may well even go to social services and the police.

scuzy · 26/07/2011 14:58

and great granny seeing as they are only 12!!!

adamschic · 26/07/2011 14:59

Shock.

Original poster
Fairenuff · 26/07/2011 15:00

To be clear, they have been friends and had sleepovers since the age of 5 and their friendships has 'morphed' gradually into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and that is obviously why I am concerned about them now.

carabos the girl's parents think it's ok. In fact he was invited to theirs last week but I said no. I will tell them that it's no longer appropriate. They do seem a bit blinkered and still see their DD as a little girl. They have not talked to her about it AFAIK but I have and she was shocked that I would think that of her.

I think the sleepovers should stop completely because even if they are in separate rooms they could still move about in the night.

OP posts:
Selks · 26/07/2011 15:00

Blimey! Bit shocked at this one. No more sleepovers in the same room, clearly. And I wouldn't be sure they cound be trusted not to sneak in if they are in separate rooms.
I'm a bit Shock at you allowing him to have a girlfriend at 9, to be honest.

Renaissance227 · 26/07/2011 15:01

What do the girl's parents think?
I think it is ridiculous to even call them an "item" at the age of twelve.
How do you know they have not already done more than put their arms around each other at night? Seeing as you have been alowing them to sleep in the same room!!
This is really bad and needs to be stopped now!
What if they ended up just doing it without you knowing in a year's time and she got pregnant because they weren't properly clued up/allowed to be just children like they are!!!!!!

Rhinestone · 26/07/2011 15:03

The more I think about this the more I think you have an incredibly warped sense of what is right and wrong. They are still children FFS, although their bodies are mature enough that the girl could actually get pregnant if they have sex.

They both need protecting from the stupidity of their parents.

tiredgranny · 26/07/2011 15:04

and u only have sex in bed at night ? so stopping sleepovers will not solve the problem