DS wants to sleep with his girlfriend

[Fairenuff]

DS is 12 and has had the same girlfriend for 3 years (also 12yo). They were friends before they became 'an item'.

The thing is, they have always had sleepovers at each others houses, where they share a room. Last time they slept here was about 3 months ago. She had a separate bed in his room, as usual, but when I checked on them, they were in the same bed with their arms around each other.

I have spoken to DS about it and told him they can't share a bed, but now I'm thinking that actually, they should not have sleepovers because I can't 'police' them all night.

I know they are very young, they have both said they're not going to 'do anything' but they do kiss on the lips and say they love each other. DS's girlfriend has told me that he 'dared' her to 'snog' him

AIBU to say 'no' to sleepovers?

Nobody is saying they should have sex at 12 or that they like it but if the kids are determined how are you going to stop it?

Ofcourse there is big chance that the OP's ds and his girl friend aren't going any further than snogging and/or exploring for some time yet.

eurochick I did not put them in a situation, they were not left in bed and I clearly do not want to sexualise them early. You might find it useful to read the whole thread before commenting if you want to make an intelligent observation.

Um, if my 12 year old were "determined" to have sex I'd be "determined" to not let him/her out of my sight 24/7.

Caoimhe at what age do you think it will be okay for your 12 year old to have a girlfriend? And how are you going to make sure he doesn't hug or kiss a girl until he reaches that age - 13, 14, 15, ?

Oh goodness, wake up and smell the coffee, I really think 12 is too young to already be an item! They are becoming teenagers, putting them in the same wrong is an open invitation to disaster.
Those poor kids are getting involved in grown up activities far too soon.

Once kids develop an interest in the other sex, it doesnt go away.. you cant turn it off... it is human nature.

There isnt really much as a parent you can do either, unless you home educate and keep your child under lock and key until they are 16.

However, allowing mixed sex sleep overs when you know that they are in a relationship (no matter how innocent YOU think it is), is madness.

Yes, they can get up to anything at any time of day if they are on their own, but that is part of the fun when you are that age, and you dont expect your parents to just let you do whatever you want... the sneaking around is part and parcel of growing up.

Am I the only person then who knows 12 year olds who never went any further than snogging an maybe some exploring

timetoask I have to ask, have you read the whole thread either? Doesn't sound like it.

BTW I Agree with the NO to mixed sleepovers as I said in a previous post.

That is to sharing a bedroom rather than the staying over itself.

I need an edit button :)

12 is too young, What is the rush to be grown up about?

12 is too young, What is the rush to be grown up about?

Tbf only grown ups say that!

Dd is now yr 7; in yr 6 primary lots of her friends had 'boyfriends'. It was just a game, but there were definite signs of sexuality dawning. Also, everyone's talking about mixed sex sleepovers - did no-one else read "Oranges are not the only fruit"? 12 yr olds vary a lot - I went on youth club camp at that age in a girls' tent - the other 2 got 3 17yr old boys and were doing audibly sexual things with them. The 3rd boy tried the same with me and I was completely baffled, no idea why he was trying to do such a weird thing, but pretty freaked out by it. Would have preferred not.

YABVVU! What are you thinking??? You need to knock this sleepover business on the head before things develop any further and the poor kids find themselves in deeper than they can handle.

I think you should stop sleepovers at your house and hers.

But I don't think you should stop your son going to mixed overnight events just because she will be present.

It's all very innocent now, so I wouldn't fret too much about a night in a tent with lots of their peers.

I would knock the staying the night one-on-one thing on the head, because that has become about sharing a bed in a very inappropriate way for 2 preteens.

It's good for them to spend time in larger peer groups. It's the spending lots if time alone tête-à-tête that would worry me more at their age.

No way-why do they need to sleep over?

Me - AIBU to say 'no' to sleepovers?

Thraglass -YABVVU! What are you thinking??? You need to knock this sleepover business on the head before things develop any further and the poor kids find themselves in deeper than they can handle

Surely, you mean IANBU?

alice I am so sorry that happened to you. This is why I don't think my DS should have any sleepovers, camping or otherwise. There is no supervision or protection if they need it.

I had a 'boyfriend' when I was 10 and we kissed (a peck on the lips) behind a tree at school and it was the TALK of the school. It was so innocent though, we never even thought of doing more. It's not that weird to have gf's or bf's at that age.

Them sleeping in the same room isn't a good idea though!

I read Oranges alice - marvellous book. Love Jeanette Winterson's prose.

Fairy - sorry. DH and DC having words in next room and was a bit distracted. I meant YANBU to say no to sleepovers. But I can't believe you are needing to ask this in the first place. Isn't it obvious that it's not appropriate, especially if they're talking about snogging and are lying in bed together?

I'm not saying they're going to do anything, but it's not a chance you want to take, is all.

Sorry for reading too quickly the first time.

Repeat post from page 3

TBH you really dont need to ask if you should put a stop to this, I think you know the answer at their age it is not appropriate

Yes, the reason I ask AIBU is because when I say the sleepovers have to stop, I don't just mean at our house.

This means that DS cannot go to any house for a party (as in the upcoming tent sleepover party) unless I can be sure it's single a single sex party.

DS thinks I AM being unreasonable, but that's OK, I would expect him to say that as he has no ulterior motives, no sexual intentions, etc. he just wants to share in the fun with his friends.

However, I was hoping for other MNers who have been in this or a similar position to give me their unbiased answers, hence AIBU

Sorry as mine aren't at the sleepover stage yet (7 and 3), I won't be much help. I know that my DH will no way allow either girl to go to mixed sleepovers, probably until they're about....35 so...In this case it's more difficult, as you've allowed it in the past, so it's harder to say no all of a sudden.

More importantly than what us lot think - what do the other parents in your DS's friendship group think? Because, it could be that they're becoming of the same mind as you and are thinking now would be a good time to stop mixed sleepovers, but are just going with the flow a bit because they don't want their child to feel left out. Why not sound them out a bit? You might find some useful support among them?

OMG ok dss is 17 and ds 7. Stpped girls in the same room for sleepovers with dss at 10 , will be the same for ds. What planet are you on?!

Bad parenting you are being a bad mother I wont be surprised if you will be on here staring a thread about being a grandma in 12 months

I just cannot believe people out their

Like another poster said if I were the other mum I would be calling ss or is she just a crazy as you

God help us if this is the level of parenting their is