To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

I just can't understand why she is expressing. You don't do that if you FF. Her breasts must be so bloody painful! Poor woman.

absolutely dogsbestfriend

I'm passionate about bfing my chidren, and also helping people who want to bf their children. those who choose not to? I'm passionate about their right to choose what to do with their bodies.

at dogsbestfriend

Good to see year people like hairfullofsnakes are in the minority. Thank fuck for that!

her milks probably only just come in. i remember the feeling the first time (never happened second) and expressing a bit off to relieve the pressure would be hard to avoid i think. hopefully her mw will tell her how to deal with it as she's not bfing.

Yes dogsbestfriend you are happy with your choice and say so and I have every right to say how I feel but some posters can only shout abuse because they don't agree with me! I am not Asking anyone to agree with me and I have not insulted anyone who ff's but I will be honest and say I think that if a woman can breastfeed, she should. That's how I feel. I even feel very sorry for babies who I see being formula fed. It might be UN-PC to say it but I not saying it to be trollish or doe a reaction, its just how I feel. We all have strong opinions on things and I have as much right to be vocal
In my opinions on bf as people do on ff. Earlier in this thread a lady said that the idea of bf repulsed her - should ghw get called a dick like I have? No of course not, I don't like or agree with her at all but i would not call her names! It is always so interesting that people will attack
Those who have certain opinions on bf. Well this is mine and I have every right to say to the op that I don't think she is being unreasonalve and why and even to say how I feel about bf.

I'm probably going to set the cat amongst the pidgeons here, but I wonder if those entrenched in the breastfeeding camp are aware that research in Denmark has shown that PCB exposure in breastfed babies is over 10x higher than formula fed? Or that research in America into PCBs in breastmilk have shown a link between breastfeeding and autistic like behaviour (in rats) and that scientists suggest those at high risk of autism consider formular feeding instead of breastfeeding?

Tryharder...I knew you would be flamed OP. And that those who ff would immediately get all defensive. And that ridiculous comment questioning a 4 day baby's ability to root for the breast....
Yes, I am being rude but I am sick of tiptoeing around the bf/ff issues where noone is allowed to say anything bad about ff but bfeeders are easy targets.

You're being ridiculous as well as rude. How can you say that BFeeders are easy targets? It's always the breast feeders who come on to criticise formula feeders, never the other way around. You deserve to be flamed.

Oh and for your information, breast feeder here... I just can't stand the sanctimonious morons who haunt these threads finger-wagging and spreading their bile. You're doing nothing at all to help promote breast feeding, probably a lot of damage though but I expect that's lost on you.

"FFS!!! Sick of women constantly looking for ways to put eachother down, what happenend to sisterhood, family??? Open the bloody paper, babies 8 million babies starve to death every year who gives a shit how he's fed as long as he is actually fed???!!!!!"

Here bloody here! The baby's being fed. He'll be fine. The SIL on the other hand might not be if she feels under pressure and judged constantly. Back off. She fed her baby formula. Not bloody arsenic.

Actually we are not jazziejeff and why you care what I think is interesting

You are going to be (and already have been) told YABU and it is none of your business. And, obviously, it isn't.

But you are pregnant and hormonal, and I think seeing that would have upset me if I were in your shoes now.

how old are your children hairfullofsnakes?

when DD1 was still v small I might've had some sympathy with your views. as she's gotten older though I realise more and more that bf/ff is a tiny part of parenting, many \i know ff-ers are far more 'attached' parents than bf-ers I know.

I say that as someone who currently tandem feeds an almost 4yo and a 5mo....

Kladd, strange you should say that, as the only child I BF has autism*

*please note , I know my BF did not cause autism

Hairofsnakes. Do you think that women should be forced to bf then?
Do you also think that women should be forced to feed only health food to their kids when they are weaned?
Forced to only allow them not to watch tv before 2 years?
Forced not to smoke within an hour of holding their kids or allow them to come into contact with anyone who may have - doctors for instance?
Do you think that women should be forced to keep unwanted pregnancies?
Do you think pregnant women should be forced not to eat liver?
Do you think that women should not be allowed to reproduce over a certain age as this carries a lot of the same risks as ffing?
There are many reasons why people don't always end up doing what is ideal for their kids - but in most cases it is good enough.

OP

Your SILs feeding choice is none of your business whatsoever. You may not like what she does, but it is entirely up to her.

I am aware that some babies struggle to latch on, have tongue ties, etc etc. But the baby in the OP's scenario clearly wanted to bf - would it really have hurt the OP's SIL to try and latch him on? He's only 4 days old - a bit too young to write him off as not being able to latch on. Plus if she was leaking milk, why not express and at least give him the breastmilk in a bottle? I mean, why not???

I agree with Hairfullofsnakes - it is always about the mother's right but what about the baby's preferences/choice/rights.

I always respond to these threads when I see them because I have both ff and bf and so can see both points of view.

Anyway sorry you though my post was bollocks, GwendolineMaryLacey, because I have always loved your posts.... No hard feelings

Anyway, have said my bit so wishing you all the best with your baby when it's born OP and if you have trouble bf, post on the breastfeeding threads, there's a lot of experienced posters on there who can give good advice.

RobynLou
I'm passionate about bfing my chidren, and also helping people who want to bf their children.
those who choose not to? I'm passionate about their right to choose what to do with their bodies.

Agree

Oh no lyingwitch! We are not gonna fall out are we?!

I clicked on this thread and answers to the op and told her what I though in relation to what she was saying but then some posters decided to call me a dick (bovvered) so I posted a few more times. To me it really isn't about finger wagging as if people are happy with their choice that's great but it is about the fact that just because I am honest about how I feel about thugs like this I get defensive bile aimed at me! Very interesting!

Anyhow... Let's still be friends!

Oh no, now you've made me feel bad :(

Actually lyingwitch, generally on threads like this it is the FFers who come in all defensive and read criticism where none is written.
On this thread however, a couple of posters have been a little, um, overzealous?
I imagine if someone is reading this, pregnant and on the fence about bf/ff, those few posts may put a really negative spin on how they view breastfeeding mothers.
In some threads, breastfeeding needs to be defended. In this thread, the only defense needs to go to a new mother who has the right to choose how she feeds her baby without criticism.

No hairfullofsnakes, your view that breast is best is not in the minority. Your militant, oppressive view of it is. Take a look at the thread. You feel sorry for ff babies? nope, no one else here agrees with your frankly odd opinion. It might be your view. Good for you. My opinion is that I think you are very strange.

YABVU - who made you an expert in all areas of a newborn given you dont actually have any children yet!!

Your SIL is an adult and can choose to feed her baby anyway she likes. Having a house full with a 4 day old baby and a SIL sitting there in judgement must have been a ball for her.

Who cares if she's choosing not to BF, she makes the choice she feels best not the one the BF brigade tell her too.

Tryharder - you are my kinda person!

Leave the poor woman alone OP.She is a new mum,probably shell shocked and exhausted and what she needs is some support not for you to pour judgement on her.
FWIW I have BF all my children though combined fed DC2.And she is the healthiest of the lot.DC3 seems to be sick every few weeks,has chronic eczema and she fed the longest.Go figure.