To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

[posterofagirl]

Wow, difficult to believe this is still going. Of course it's unreasonable to judge the way a mother chooses to feed her child.
Of course breastmilk is best but it's also heartbreakingly hard for some women
How about we all support each other rather than bunfighting?

[saladsandwich]

ermmmm have you read the thread, i cant remember who has said what but....where i was asked to share personal medical info? that isn't saying breast milk is fab or even expressing an opinion n breast milk

feeling sorry for children with bottles (which could have ebm in) is not expressing a love of breasteeding that is expressing a view that somehow that child is suffering as a result of its parents actions to bottle feed which is inappropriate

what about those who've had pnd belittled, those who've had their maternal insticts questioned, the OP must have spent 2 hrs staring at that newborn baby to make so many judgements in a room full of people

that is where tik tok and some others shows maturity and tact where some others do not..... not actually seen anyone say they have loved formula feeding not seen anyone say formula is nutritionally better but there IS benefits to both and those benefits will change from person to person, i dont see the problem in saying you got on better with formula

[hairfullofsnakes]

I can't think of one post here where anyone in support of bf said all women should bf. Of course there are instances where bf is a struggle that can be impossible for mum ( no one has questioned this but some of you insist we have). Some of us have merely stated our feelings on bf and our thoughts on women who don't even try - we haven't called anyone names just put our thoughts out there. Sorry lyingwitch but to go to MN and ask them to ban these from aibu is so so stupid - where will it stop on subjects banned from here if that happens?! So silly.

[lovesicecream]

Funny as my last two children were breast fed

[hairfullofsnakes]

Oh loveicecream you do show yourself up with your bitter and snappy ramblings! Can't you see how defensive you seem?! My my.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Oh yes the desperate lengths on this thread to try and say breastmilk is t best is totally amusing. My so called health visitor told me to top up my baby's feeds with formula too because he was constantly feeding which can actually be quite normal - thank God I didn't listen to her and sought advice from the la leche league.

Its funny how we can't express our views on breastmilk being best without it being an attack on people who formula feed - I can't see where anyone has actually slated anyone for this - they - I - have just said how we feel about bf and ff with no personal attacks on anyone. I don't expw t anyone to 'defend' their decision either way - why should anyone? If you happy that's what matters - the fact that I don't get the decision by some to choose ff over bf is my personal thought and I don't expect it to matter one jot to anyone who is happy with their decision! All that really matters to me is that I bf my dc.

[Al0uiseG]

:o

[lovesicecream]

See a small number of women think it's a battle that needs to be won, how pathetic AlOuiseG you should have some of your fab breast milk, you could do with improving your intelligence

[saladsandwich]

aloiuseg - grow up, feeding children isn't a game to be won

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Might be sunny again tomorrow?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Par for the course, Razzle...

Raining here today.

[pictish]

Would it Rita? Why?

[pictish]

Al0uiseG .....what do you mean by that?

[RitaMorgan]

It would have upset me pictish, though being none of my business I wouldn't have said anything to the mother.

[razzlebathbone]

Nice.

[Al0uiseG]

Stick a teat in it Razzle, the bf argument was won years ago.

[razzlebathbone]

tiktok I really am not trying to be wilfully argumentative but I respectfully suggest that you are not picking up the same balance on this thread as others, including myself.

Original OP states: Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Anyone who answered 'yes' is sanctioning ones woman's upset at another woman's right to choose what to do with her own body. It may be dressed up as concern for a baby (in a completely atypical and isolated instance, I might add) but she is being didactic to the woman.

And just because people on here have said they aren't judging or aren't demostrably outraged, it doesn't mean I have to agree with this - their own understating of what they are actually doing.

One prolific poster has described this thread as amusing.

[Andrewofgg]

There's a hulking, healthy man in his twenties who calls me Dad and proves that formula from two happy parents who love feeding the baby - and live in a country and a home with access to clean and boiled water - can do just fine.

And some babies seem to like it if you play pass-the-parcel with them: if the hands they are in belong to confident and competent people that is what matters. DW's brothers learnt to handle a baby - and also to chase nappies - with the cooperation of my DS.

So don't worry about nephew and good luck with your own.

[pictish]

Rita - the infant concerned was being cared for adequately by his own mother, in the manner of her choosing.

"He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth."

" I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed."

I find those statements inappropriate I'm afraid. As a mother of three, under the same set of circumstances, it would have gone over my head, what with it being none of my business.

[Mrsxstitch]

I am not worried about the future risk of breast cancer, I'm sure it will go some way to punish me for my failure as a mother.

I got very little from the NHS to bf unless you count getting in my face and screaming at me support.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Razzle's post further up nails the point home for me... mental health issues. Breastfeeding/formua feeding is such an emotive issue for so many woman that it cannot be allowed to be used for entertainment on threads here. If you're saying, tiktok that it has no place on the 'breastfeeding' area of the board either, then I question what that area of the board is actually for.

Either way, womens' health and rights of their bodies isn't something for public fodder and certainly not the disrespect that's evident (and even celebrated) on this thread.

MN has the capacity for so much wonderful support and help... yet it also has a very vocal tide of spiteful and malevolent posters whose aim is to throw barbs and hurt. Threads like this are 'intellectual' ambrosia for them.