To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

[RitaMorgan]

emotional involvement in a baby that is not yours

I get emotionally involved with babies I hear crying in the supermarket, or babies in charity ads on TV - maybe it's something to do with having a baby myself. When I was pregnant all kinds of things set me off. Surely it's quite a normal, human reaction?

[pictish]

Oh and btw - I was a big believer in breast is best during my 1st pregnancy - just like you OP. Not that I would've had a word to say about anyone else NOT doing it, but I was adamant that MY babies would benefit from breast milk and couldn't for a second envisage anything getting in the way of that.

How naive I was. It turned out to be most exhausting, emotionally wrangling and painful thing to do for me! Ds1 cried and cried and cried and fed constantly for 6 months until I was a husk....as soon as I put him on the bottle he stopped crying and my sanity returned.
Ds2 lost a ton of weight and cried and cried as well. The HV told me to put him on the bottle eventually, and again...peace reigned and the weight was rapidly gained. I also had thrush of both nipples with ds2 and when he latched on I had to bite down on a wooden spoon, it was so very very sore. I cried and cried too.

My experience with dd who went straight onto formula was by far the happiest of the three.

So stuff you OP. You know nothing yet. Keep your opinions to yourself.

[tiktok]

razzle - a couple of posters have expressed judgmentalism about women who 'don't try'; four more have expressed puzzlement about why some women 'don't try' without actually saying anything unpleasant.

So while 'outrage' and being 'appalled' at women who 'don't try' is over-stating it, IMO, clearly anyone who is actually 'outraged' or 'appalled' or who judges individuals in any way at all is a numpty, and I would argue, holding a very, very minority view.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Razzle's post further up nails the point home for me... mental health issues. Breastfeeding/formua feeding is such an emotive issue for so many woman that it cannot be allowed to be used for entertainment on threads here. If you're saying, tiktok that it has no place on the 'breastfeeding' area of the board either, then I question what that area of the board is actually for.

Either way, womens' health and rights of their bodies isn't something for public fodder and certainly not the disrespect that's evident (and even celebrated) on this thread.

MN has the capacity for so much wonderful support and help... yet it also has a very vocal tide of spiteful and malevolent posters whose aim is to throw barbs and hurt. Threads like this are 'intellectual' ambrosia for them.

[Mrsxstitch]

I am not worried about the future risk of breast cancer, I'm sure it will go some way to punish me for my failure as a mother.

I got very little from the NHS to bf unless you count getting in my face and screaming at me support.

[pictish]

Rita - the infant concerned was being cared for adequately by his own mother, in the manner of her choosing.

"He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth."

" I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed."

I find those statements inappropriate I'm afraid. As a mother of three, under the same set of circumstances, it would have gone over my head, what with it being none of my business.

[Andrewofgg]

There's a hulking, healthy man in his twenties who calls me Dad and proves that formula from two happy parents who love feeding the baby - and live in a country and a home with access to clean and boiled water - can do just fine.

And some babies seem to like it if you play pass-the-parcel with them: if the hands they are in belong to confident and competent people that is what matters. DW's brothers learnt to handle a baby - and also to chase nappies - with the cooperation of my DS.

So don't worry about nephew and good luck with your own.

[razzlebathbone]

tiktok I really am not trying to be wilfully argumentative but I respectfully suggest that you are not picking up the same balance on this thread as others, including myself.

Original OP states: Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

Anyone who answered 'yes' is sanctioning ones woman's upset at another woman's right to choose what to do with her own body. It may be dressed up as concern for a baby (in a completely atypical and isolated instance, I might add) but she is being didactic to the woman.

And just because people on here have said they aren't judging or aren't demostrably outraged, it doesn't mean I have to agree with this - their own understating of what they are actually doing.

One prolific poster has described this thread as amusing.

[Al0uiseG]

Stick a teat in it Razzle, the bf argument was won years ago.

[razzlebathbone]

Nice.

[RitaMorgan]

It would have upset me pictish, though being none of my business I wouldn't have said anything to the mother.

[pictish]

Al0uiseG .....what do you mean by that?

[pictish]

Would it Rita? Why?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Par for the course, Razzle...

Raining here today.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Might be sunny again tomorrow?

[saladsandwich]

aloiuseg - grow up, feeding children isn't a game to be won

[lovesicecream]

See a small number of women think it's a battle that needs to be won, how pathetic AlOuiseG you should have some of your fab breast milk, you could do with improving your intelligence

[Al0uiseG]

:o

[hairfullofsnakes]

Oh yes the desperate lengths on this thread to try and say breastmilk is t best is totally amusing. My so called health visitor told me to top up my baby's feeds with formula too because he was constantly feeding which can actually be quite normal - thank God I didn't listen to her and sought advice from the la leche league.

Its funny how we can't express our views on breastmilk being best without it being an attack on people who formula feed - I can't see where anyone has actually slated anyone for this - they - I - have just said how we feel about bf and ff with no personal attacks on anyone. I don't expw t anyone to 'defend' their decision either way - why should anyone? If you happy that's what matters - the fact that I don't get the decision by some to choose ff over bf is my personal thought and I don't expect it to matter one jot to anyone who is happy with their decision! All that really matters to me is that I bf my dc.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Oh loveicecream you do show yourself up with your bitter and snappy ramblings! Can't you see how defensive you seem?! My my.

[lovesicecream]

Funny as my last two children were breast fed