To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

I think the OP has been scared off now...

[Kladdkaka]

5inthebed, I didn't BF and my child still has autism :o

I am very interested though in the link between PCBs and autism. With all the research I've read, and I've read tons, it's the most convincing I've come across. PCBs were the most evil chemicals we ever invented. They made asbestos look like candifloss. We release them into the world and only then discover that they create all sorts of brain and neurological abnormalities, so quickly ban them only to discover that once in the system there's nothing you can do. PCBs went into general use about 10 years before autism was identified and we've been living with them ever since. :(

[HairyFrotter]

Are you going to answer any of my questions hairful? You don't seem the type to hold back on expressing your opinions.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Militant? Oppressive?! My babies who have loved breastfeeding and have thrived on breastmilk are anything but oppressed and the abundance of ladies who I have supported with bf are very happy with my help. I am happy with the way I think and you are happy with your thoughts so that's all that matters isn't it!

[BumWiper]

And just to add it dosen't help get your figure back.Diet and excercise gets your figure back.What it does do is help the womb contract.

BumWiper still has nightmares over the afterpains whilst BF'ing.

[pink4ever]

YABVU-but I dont for one minute think this is a genuine post. I really wanted to bf my first ds but he was a low birth weight baby and that combined with my flat nipples meant he would not latch on-even the breast feeding midwife couldnt get him to do it even though I was kept in hopsital for 10 days to try and establish bf.
I was sent home with an expressing machine and left to get on with it. After 3 days at home with no sleep(as was either expressing or feeding) I sent my dh to buy formula. I felt tremendous guilt. I didnt even try to bf my subsequent dcs as was too scared.
Attitudes like yours will not encourage bf. Rather the oposite. To the people on here who have said they feel sorry for ff babies-please watch the news about the current situation in east Africa and feel damned ashamed of yourselves for making such horrible comments.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Sorry hairy - what were your questions? X

[HairyFrotter]

HairyFrotter Sun 17-Jul-11 13:51:41
Hairofsnakes. Do you think that women should be forced to bf then?
Do you also think that women should be forced to feed only health food to their kids when they are weaned?
Forced to only allow them not to watch tv before 2 years?
Forced not to smoke within an hour of holding their kids or allow them to come into contact with anyone who may have - doctors for instance?
Do you think that women should be forced to keep unwanted pregnancies?
Do you think pregnant women should be forced not to eat liver?
Do you think that women should not be allowed to reproduce over a certain age as this carries a lot of the same risks as ffing?
There are many reasons why people don't always end up doing what is ideal for their kids - but in most cases it is good enough.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Hairfullofsnakes... I can't help liking you, I think you're a nice person... but you and I are never going to agree on this issue. Formula feeders do not criticise breast feeders, why would they? I think they get rightfully angry that they're judged as not doing the best for their babies. A breast feeders is not going to be judged in that way.

Why fuss about the way a baby is fed as long as it is being fed. It's not at risk as if it were an uncared for child, is it? In a way it reminds me of the police booking insured/mot'd/legal drivers whilst seemingly turning a blind eye to joy-riders... the legal drivers are easy targets. Why not turn the obsession with baby-feeding methods into action and actually do something practical and useful to help and support orphaned babies in Africa instead or anywhere else where babies are in desperate need?

I really agree with DesperatelySeekingSedatives, what has happened to the sisterhood and women supporting each other? Aren't we all just doing our best for our kids?

[Tryharder]

Er LyingWitch, the reason I said the breastfeeders are easy targets because whenever threads like this start, those that support breastfeeding get told to fuck off, get called judgemental cunts/twats/bastards - in 3 years of mumsnetting, I have seen it all. Also get called militia, nazis, etc etc..

And yet, have I or Hairfullofsnakes told anyone to fuck off or called anyone names. No! Just had the temerity to suggest that bf might be preferable to ff and to hold the opinion that a baby (~if it were asked) might prefer to bf rather than ff. It's our opinion and we are entitled to it just as others who have never bf are entitled to theirs.

Anyway, gotta go as off to work [waves]

[hairfullofsnakes]

Pink - it sounds like you had a horrendous time and of course you should not feel guilt or even judged! I for one was talking about the op's sil in my original post and in subsequent ones was just being honest at how I feel and it wasn't to make ladies like you feel bad. You obviously did a lot to try and bf and did what you felt was best for you and your children. It doesn't sound like you got great bf support though x

[Chandon]

yabu,

you have been successfully brainwashed! FF is not evil, you know?!

her baby, her choice.

[BumWiper]

Forcing a woman to do something leaves a bad taste in my mouth.Formula does not equal crack.I would not appreciate anyone telling me to formula feed just as women who choose formula wouldnt appreciate anyone telling them to breastfeed.At the end of the day any decent parent is doing what is best for them.

Just on the autism sub discussion I was reading a very interesting study which revealed that if a father is over the 40 at time of conception they are 6 times more likely to have a child with ASD.

[Al0uiseG]

What stuns me about bottle feeding is it's the first choice we make for our babies. Surely we know without any doubt the breast milk is best and colustrum is vital. Why would the first decision we make for our loved and wanted babies be the second best choice?

To the people who are "repulsed" by breastfeeding I do wonder how you ever managed to get pg in the first place.

I feel very sad for babies who aren't even offered the opportunity to breastfeed.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Hairy - it's how I feel. I so agree with tryharder that as a Breastfeeder and someone who has strong opinions on it I am not allowed to say how I feel. Who has called the lady up who said she thinks bf is disgusting?! No one (not that they should - I don't take it personally that she feels this and I would not call her names for this) - but what if I had said ff is disgusting?! There would be a million posts in reply (and no, I dont think it is, but I do think bf is best and should be done where possible). Can you see my point?!

[Kladdkaka]

BumWiper, that fits in with the PCB exposure argument. The older he is, the more he will have been exposed to and therefore the more he will pass on to his offspring.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Agree agree agree alouiseG!!!!

[HairyFrotter]

Bumwiper. That is an interesting study. And I doubt anyone would tell an older father with a child with asd that they were 'disgusting'. Why do some people think it's OK to say that about mothers who ff?

[pink4ever]

Ok everyone know that bf is best for babies. Noone is disputing that. However many many women either cant or simply do not want to bf. This does not mean that they dont love their dc as much.
I was a ff baby but I dont have any ailments/allergies. I was also(like my dc) a low birth weight baby but that was due to my mother smoking but I guess thats a whole other thread!.
Please ladies lets try and support each others choices ok?.