To feel upset about sil not breastfeeding?

[wheelygirl]

hi, new here so pls be gentle!

My dh's brother and his wife had a baby boy four days ago. She said she had a lovely birth and was out of hospital the next day.

We visited them yesterday at home and sil was bottle feeding. Now, I don't give a shit how people feed their children, I don't have any kids (am pg)But I got quite upset because her ds kept trying to breastfeed from her. He was refusing the bottle and kept nuzzling into her chest. Her breasts were leaking as well and she told me she was hand expressing and chucking it away. I asked her why she didnt give it to her ds and she told me that she doesn't want him to get used to breast milk. He had the formula milk then vomited it back up five minutes later. He was really crying and it made me feel awful when he was turning his head to her breast and opening his mouth.

She then went on to tell me that he hasn't even had colostrum because it was too much of a faff to get him to latch on. Colostrum is the important stuff right?

Why do I feel so upset about this? I felt her ds was doing something so instinctive and she should at least have tried to breastfeed. I understand that some women have great difficulty breastfeeding and formula is a more than adequate alternative but at least try and do it.

Aibu?

[Shakirasma]

Oh I see the BF malitia have arrives.
Hairfullofsnakes. If you are so passionate about BF then please be aware that such a forceful and intolerant attitude puts off more women from BF than it encourages!

[TandB]

And as for "her stupid way of thinking" - no-one on this thread knows what her "way of thinking" is, not even the OP. There may be a very big reason why she doesn't want to breastfeed or is unable to do so - there is nothing to say she has to write a thesis excusing herself and hand it out to every passing visitor.

I would love to see an improvement to the UK's breastfeeding rates/support/general attitude, but judgmental comments are never going to be the way to go. Facts, yes. Encouragement, yes. But putting women down is never going to do anything but alienate them.

Things like this make me worried about how I will be judged if the same problems arise with my second child as with my first. I lost count of the number of times I was challenged about whether I really had supply issues, the implication being that because it is relatively rare, I must be lying about it to disguise the fact that I couldn't be arsed.

[pommedechocolat]

4 days post delivery? Leave the poor woman alone and take your judging ways with you.
I hated my PILS with a passion when they came to visit on days 3-5. HATED. Far too early and intrusive.
By the way - for referenece when your child arrives it is the biggest shock in the world and bf isn't very often a bed of roses. Hang your judgey pants up until you've been there.

[worraliberty]

I knew you would be flamed OP. And that those who ff would immediately get all defensive. And that ridiculous comment questioning a 4 day baby's ability to root for the breast

And I stand fully corrected after going on my own personal experience

[DialsMavis]

I would secretly feel the same. But IWBVVVU.

[HairyFrotter]

Hairfullofdicks obviously knows little about bfing. I had babies very eager to root at the breast - attaching on was a different matter. I ended up having to express.
The advice I received when I stopped expressing was that it was OK to hand express a little if it was sore. But expressing a lot would make matters worse.

[Pannacotta]

What Tryharder said...

[IDrinkFromTheirSkulls]

tryharder do you want to ask my ds what was wrong with his instincts when he refused to ever latch on properly?

[joric]

Dogsbestfriend- there are many reasons people can or won't do things including BF- judge when you have walked a mile in their shoes and all that.....

[DogsBestFriend]

"Your SIL is unreasonable not to at least try and bf at least for a few weeks."

Jesus Christ!

How far have we (not) got in the advancement of women's rights. Now we have one who intimates that women are unreasonable if they have autonomy over their own bodies and decide against breastfeeding.

[hairfullofsnakes]

Agree with you tryharder totally agree! It is actually quite amusing to see the little posters whose only return is to call me names

As someone who does a lot of support I fully understand tha range of problems women can have but remain sad for this baby and stand by my
Original post, but it is interesting that I am not allowed to say what I feel - very typical on a bf/ff thread. That poor little baby.

[FoofusScrimgeour]

and if this is genuine - yabu

[TubbyDuffs]

Please revisit this thread when you have had your own "lovely birth" OP, it would be interesting to see if your opinion has changed.

[faverolles]

The only way to improve BFing rates (IMO) is to support those who want to breastfeed.
Forcing people who don't want to, or judging those who can't will mean that this utterly pointless bf/ff debate will go on for ever on MN
Those of you who are passionate about BFing (and I count myself here too) channel your ire and actually do something to get more support, don't piss off the ffers, they're not doing anything wrong!

[baldbyfifty]

FFS!!! Sick of women constantly looking for ways to put eachother down, what happenend to sisterhood, family??? Open the bloody paper, babies 8 million babies starve to death every year who gives a shit how he's fed as long as he is actually fed???!!!!!

[hairfullofsnakes]

I find it interesting how it is all about women's rights but never about a baby's right to breastmilk.

[DogsBestFriend]

"Dogsbestfriend- there are many reasons people can or won't do things including BF- judge when you have walked a mile in their shoes and all that....."

Yes, joric, many reasons - but as a FF by choice and being aware that there are a hell of a lot out there like me I am a bit miffed that people (esp on MN) often try to come up with other reasons why we didn't BF when the plain truth is that we happily CHOSE not to.

That is not to say of course that any woman who wanted to BF and couldn't should be castigated for not trying or told she was, like me, a selfish cow because she didn't want to!

[DogsBestFriend]

Hair - my babies had a right to safe, nutricious sustinance. They got that.

In formula milk.

NO ONE has the right to judge me on that.

[Shakirasma]

Quite right dogs best friend.

[IDrinkFromTheirSkulls]

Because babies should have a right to be fed, the method doesn't actually matter. There are millions of formula fed adults around who made to to the age they are without breastmilk.

[saladsandwich]

haha and what about those whose breaskmilk is no good ect, what about these childrens "right to breast milk" what a load of balls x

[DogsBestFriend]

And, Hair, as for a baby's "right" to breastmilk, your posts make me think of that awful wail, "Will no-one think of the chiiiiiildren!".

Try this one.

I'm a vegan. And I fancy kale today.

Now Sainsburys has spinach. That's just as healthy, will do me just as much good.

But I have a RIGHT to spinach. Will no-one think of my rights?

See? Bloody stupid argument you have there!

[IDrinkFromTheirSkulls]

Or those of us who's supply was spectacularly non existent. Arrest me now officer, I denied my baby the right to my breastmilk because it never came in.

[LadyThumb]

I just love these threads - they crop up again and again and again and everyone says the same things again and again and again! It is really getting very boring.

Breastisbesters - get over it and accept that we are all different.

Formulafeeders - get over it and accept that we are all different.