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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why a 20yo woman would go out with a 16yo boy

130 replies

unomania · 10/07/2011 11:49

My 16yo brother has a new girlfriend who is 20 and just can't get my head round it. I know its none of my business but I just can't understand it.

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 10/07/2011 11:49

it's only 4yrs!

CandiceMariePratt · 10/07/2011 11:51

4 years is nothing. My oap mother is at it with a man 20 years her junior, now that is revolting.

pictish · 10/07/2011 11:51

That's no biggy. What's your beef?

Original poster
unomania · 10/07/2011 11:52

Its just that she's just got her 2nd year at uni results whilst he's waiting for his GCSE results, they are at different stages of their lives.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 10/07/2011 11:52

I'll admit, I think that's a bit odd. It's nothing in terms of an age gap, but it is likely significant when you consider the difference in maturity.

AuntiePickleBottom · 10/07/2011 11:54

there is 5 years between me and DH, it's only 4 year and he is the age of consent

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 10/07/2011 11:54

My partner is almost 3 years younger than myself and we are in our early twenties.
I thought of the age difference as huge in the beginning but we were at the exact same stage in life when we got together (job/education wise etc), so the difference didn't feel big at all.

Would you be ok with it being the other way around?

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 11:55

It's very strange. In some countries it would be illegal.

mummymeister · 10/07/2011 11:55

Would you feel the same if it were a 16 year old sister with a 20 year old man? sorry cannot see the problem here. if they are at different life stages then they will either adjust and stay together or in a couple of years she will be in a job and he thinking about uni/college and they may be forced apart. similarly they might marry in 5 years time and live together h.e.a - who knows!

pictish · 10/07/2011 11:55

Maybe she's a bit immature, maybe not.
Either way, your brother's only 16 and this is very unlikely to be his only relationship. It might be a good learning curve for him in all sorts of ways.

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 11:55

He may be mature for his age.. its not illegal, and its not even a big age gap. Nobody would bat an eyelid if the gender were the other way around.

When I was 30 my bf at the time was 21..

Sn0wflake · 10/07/2011 11:56

Really depends on the individuals.

Original poster
unomania · 10/07/2011 11:56

I would probably be worried if it were a 16yo girl with 20yo man whilst I only think this is odd.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/07/2011 11:57

I wouldn't be happy about it. Four years matters when it's a quarter of your life. It matters less and less as you get older. But a 16 year old boy is not on the same maturity level of a 20 year old girl.

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 10/07/2011 11:58

Ah, i x-posted with you unomania. I do think it's a bit weirder when they are at such different stages. But maybe he is very mature or whatever? If they are happy I think it's great

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 11:58

why would you be worried?? most 16yr old girls are on a much closer level to a 20yr old male than boys their own age.

At 14 my bf was 18, and we were together for 5 years.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 11:59

"why would you be worried?? most 16yr old girls are on a much closer level to a 20yr old male than boys their own age."
Yeah but it's the other way round here. I can't imagine what a 20 year old girl would find attractive in a 16 year old boy.

Goblinchild · 10/07/2011 12:00

I was collecting my O level results when my OH was graduating.
Look at the amount of drooling that goes on here about teenage lovelies who are male, from twilight to Justin whatisname.

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 12:01

I agree Falcon, but not everyone is the same, and there are some boys more mature than their years, and girls who are young for their age. So long as they are happy together as a couple, and treat each right, then who should judge.

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 12:02

Well no-one's forcing them together I take it, so different stages or not...it obviously feels right for them to date each other.

CurrySpice · 10/07/2011 12:03

While I think that she goes wout with him because she likes him, I do agree that a 4 year gap between a 20yo and a 16yo is a mch bigger 4 year gap than between a 40 yo and a 44yo iyswim

leares · 10/07/2011 12:04

I thinks its very odd, how did they meet?

He might not have finished puberty yet, what does she see in him?

altinkum · 10/07/2011 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 12:13

"I dont see the issue, would you be ok with a 24 year old man dating a 28 year old girl?. Its 4 years age difference, I dont see the big deal tbh."
When both people are over 20, it's all fair game IMO.

Would you be ok with a 16 year old girl dating a 12 year old boy?

iscream · 10/07/2011 12:14

No way would I ever had been interested in a 16 year old when I was 20. I am 2 years older than my dh, but we met in our late 20's.
There is a big difference between 16 and 20 year olds, I can only guess he looks older than 16, and she is very immature?

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