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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why a 20yo woman would go out with a 16yo boy

130 replies

unomania · 10/07/2011 11:49

My 16yo brother has a new girlfriend who is 20 and just can't get my head round it. I know its none of my business but I just can't understand it.

OP posts:
latitude · 10/07/2011 12:14

I think its odd and would be worried that he was being groomed for something to be honest but then I'm a very protective sister

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 12:15

groomed for something?????? ffs... Hmm

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 12:16

A lot of 16 yr old boys are over 6ft tall and have facial hair.

These two are obviously of a similar maturity personality wise I'd say, or they wouldn't be dating would they?

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 12:17

He's a 16yr old boy, not a friggin horse Hmm

Original poster
unomania · 10/07/2011 12:17

They met because he delivers papers and she works in the shop a few hours a week.
He doesn't look older than 16, he's quite babyfaced and I wouldn't say she is particulary immature although I've only met her 3 times.

OP posts:
reallytired · 10/07/2011 12:18

My dh is six years older than me. I'm 36 and he is 42. Why is OK for the man to be older, but not for the woman to be a older.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 12:18

Maybe he has a cock like a horse?

TheSecondComing · 10/07/2011 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 12:19

"My dh is six years older than me. I'm 36 and he is 42. Why is OK for the man to be older, but not for the woman to be a older."
It's the fact that he's 16 that is the issue. If he was 18 and she 22 it wouldn't be nearly as much a big deal. If he was 20 and she 24 it wouldn't be a deal at all.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/07/2011 12:21

It's only an issue when they're this young, IMO. I have sons, and would absolutely not be happy for them to be dating adult women when they were still boys. I would feel exactly the same about a 16 year old girl dating a 20 year old man. It suggests an immaturity in the older person and I'd be concerned for the younger person.

SardineQueen · 10/07/2011 12:22

Maybe they get on really well. You know, like each other, make each other laugh. that stuff. Smile

TheFeministsWife · 10/07/2011 12:22

I was 16 when I started going out with DH, he was 20 (almost 21). I was about to sit my GSCEs while he worked full time, had his own flat and a 2 year old daughter. 17 years later we're still together. YABU, it's 4 years and it's not as if he's underage, he is leaving school. Don't see the problem.

bned · 10/07/2011 12:24

I think its very suspicious, why on earth would she be attracted to him, they're on different maturity levels.

ihatecbeebies · 10/07/2011 12:24

I think it is strange, I just can't imagine why she would be interested in a 16 year old boy unless she was very immature, if they'd met when she was 28 and he was 24 I dont think it would be that strange but he's still a teenager fgs and she's in her 20s. But, like other posters have said, im sure it wont be his last relationship and it will fizzle out soon enough and right now he'll no doubt be enjoying bragging to his school friends in the playground.

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 12:24

what do they do together??

probably things they both enjoy...

fgaaagh · 10/07/2011 12:25

YABU.

People should stop trying to pigeon hole these adults at the age of consents' maturity levels.

If it's consensual, it's not a huge age gap, and will matter less as they grow older.

Let it be, it's certainly not in the category of a 12 year old and a 16 year old like one poster was suggesting Hmm

Isn't part of growing up getting to make your own choices, and your own mistakes, if they be mistakes?

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 20yr old girl deciding to date a 16yr old, if there's a maturity gap it will soon run its course, if not, where is the harm - really? What is wrong with people when they start judging a relationship despite no one else being harmed in the process here?

TheFeministsWife · 10/07/2011 12:25

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows that's BS! Read my above post. Are you suggesting there's something "immature" about my DH? Angry Thank you for your concern, but honestly I didn't need it. For me it was nice to be with a MAN not an immature boy who ran away anytime mentioned something that wasn't computer games. Hmm Obviously he's a keeper as I'm still with him!

SardineQueen · 10/07/2011 12:26

It is certainly unusual but I think suspicious is pretty harsh!!!

squeakytoy · 10/07/2011 12:26

I think its very suspicious, why on earth would she be attracted to him, they're on different maturity levels

how on earth do you know what their maturity levels are? I have known 16yo males who are far more mature than men 10 years older than them!

TheFeministsWife · 10/07/2011 12:27

fgaaagh ITA with you. I'm quite offended by some of these other posters. Obviously something a little twisted in their minds for the stuff they're suggesting! Hmm

fgaaagh · 10/07/2011 12:28

I think its very suspicious, why on earth would she be attracted to him, they're on different maturity levels.

Well, no, bned, you don't know this couple. So you can't say they're on different maturity levels.

I assume you're basing that assertion on your own DCs or what you were like as a teenager/20yrs old.

My best friend met her 19 year old boyfriend when we (she) was 14 years old. Caused quite a scandal in the family circles back then, I can tell you, it certainly was the talk of the town for a while - but they're still together 20 years later, and you could tell from looking at them even at the start that this wasn't your typical Daily Mail "older boy dates younger girl" - they've always been genuinely in love, and are the most solid couple I know. So bugger off with your assertions that 16yr olds and 20yr olds are always on different levels of maturity.

TheFeministsWife · 10/07/2011 12:29

"what do they do together??"

Well what do you think young couples do when they're together? Use your bloody imagination it isn't hard. Hmm Oooh see what I did there, maybe it is hard. WinkGrin

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 12:29

Ive an 18 year old son, if when he was 16 he dated a 20 year old I'd certainly have had something to say about it and would NOT have let it continue.

fgaaagh · 10/07/2011 12:29

And just to add - I'd have been far too immature at 16 to deal with a proper relationship - I met DH when we were both at uni - and I was only just about ready then! So it takes all sorts really.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/07/2011 12:29

Well, that's your choice/view TheFeministsWife. Personally, I'd be very concerned if my 16 year old son told me his girlfriend was 20. And I'd definitely want to eyeball her and find out why she was interested in my school age son when she is presumably at a different life stage

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