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AIBU?

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Original poster

to wonder why a 20yo woman would go out with a 16yo boy

130 replies

unomania · 10/07/2011 11:49

My 16yo brother has a new girlfriend who is 20 and just can't get my head round it. I know its none of my business but I just can't understand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
unomania · 10/07/2011 13:06

likale- They started going out when he was 16 although they did know each other before.

OP posts:
sevendwarves · 10/07/2011 13:07

"my only worry would if it had started before his 16th birthday as that might make her a paedophile" - despite the fact that the definition of a paedophile is someone attracted to pre-pubescent children?

I started going out with a 34yo when I was 17. My parents werent thrilled, i waited until my 18th birthday and moved in with him. I even lost friends who thought i was crazy wanting to be with someone so much older. 7 years later he's now my DH and we're expecting our 2nd child, I'm just glad I had enough sense to make my own decisions.

ednurse · 10/07/2011 13:07

I think it's odd personally. I wouldn't want to be going out with somebody (I am 23 not 20 though) who can't legally drink in pubs, go out clubbing etc.

FakePlasticTrees · 10/07/2011 13:17

I suppose it depends on a lot of things, is he particularly mature for his age or typical 16 year old? Is she particularly childish for her age, or typical 2nd year uni student? How did they meet and do they have something in common (like a sport or work at the same place etc).

I would think the different life stages thing is important, however, that probably means it'll last until she goes back to uni, or before. I predict it'll end when realises she's always got to go to the bar. Or realises she always has to be the one to drive. Or tells her uni mates and they all fall about laughing. Or meets his friends, and even if he's super mature, realises she's on a night out with a load of kids who want her to buy the alcohol...

CurrySpice · 10/07/2011 13:25

Now I've read back, I think I have to agree that I wold find it hard, at any age, to fancy a paper boy :o

Sorry OP Blush

I think when I was 20 my mates would have ripped me to shreds if I was going out with a 16yo although there's nothing wrong with it on paper

thursday · 10/07/2011 13:26

i think its weird, generally. sometimes these things work, granted. but i just couldnt imagine being interested in a child when i was 20. and yes 16 is the age of consent but 16yr old boys are grown ups imo. they cant go to the pub or even see an 18 film together, he cant drink, drive, vote etc etc. child! i dont think its especially dangerous or sinister, and probably wont last long. i remember when a friend of mine used to sleep with the babysitter once he got to about 15. she used to climb in his bedroom window while his parents were asleep. thats not normal behaviour for a woman in her 20s.

piloi · 10/07/2011 13:28

YANBU I think its weird, can you imagine her explaining it to other people. This is my boyfriend X he still goes to school and is waiting for his GCSEs, he isn't old enough to drink or drive and I have to pay for everything. He did delivers papers to peoples houses for the shop that I work for. I think most people would find it difficult to keep a straight face.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 13:37

I can't imagine they are at the stage where she is introducing him to friends at dinner parties etc. They are probably just having a laugh (and shagging like rabbits).

cantspel · 10/07/2011 13:49

Err maybe they just like each other. No big deal either way and no ones business but their own.

HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 13:52

I think it shows a certain lack of maturity in the girl....why isn't she dating her peers? Why does she need a boyfriend so much younger who can't even drive or go clubbing?

CocoPopsAddict · 10/07/2011 13:57

I am so shocked at how judgemental some of you are.

Are you all pillars of perfect morality?

It is a four-year age gap, FGS. There are lots of things in life that are 'revolting' - you know, like genocide, rape, that kind of thing. This really doesn't fall into that category.

I don't see the problem - live and let live.

tyler80 · 10/07/2011 14:03

"who can't even drive or go clubbing?"

My OH doesn't have a licence, we've never been to a club together, I've never seen him drunk so it's fair to say that these things wouldn't bother me and I'm sure that's the case for any others.

cantspel · 10/07/2011 14:08

my husband is 53 and cant drive and has never taken me clubbing. Even though we have been married 20 year i better divorce him now as we clearly have nothing in common

JoySzasz · 10/07/2011 14:12

This raises concern because the normal assumption is that 16yr old boys are not as mature as 16 yr old girls...

On that premise, a woman of 20 would be considered even more mature.

I would be concerned at this stage for my son,concerned...but I wouldn't openly intervene.Wink

A lot changes in the next few years doesn't it? a few years later the gap would become less apparent.

My DH is 13 years older than me, we met when I was 23 (him 35) a non issue. 5 years earlier I suspect it would have been, especially for my parents.

Its not alright to not even contemplate that 16 yr old boys don't still need a bit of protection...

In my mind they are still pretty young ...very much on their way to adulthood ...but still on that tricky journey!

HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 14:13

cco 4 years when both are past 20 is nothing...but when one of them is stil in school it's odd.

DuelingFanjo · 10/07/2011 14:15

Grin at thefalcon!

surelynottrue · 10/07/2011 14:17

I think the general view of this thread would be a lot different if it was a 20yr old man dating a 16yr old girl. Personally I think it is odd and I would think it either way, I suppose it depends on their characters.

cantspel · 10/07/2011 14:21

You are making the mistake of assuming all 16 year old males are the same which clearly cannot be true.
16 year olds are young men and not boys and it only seems to be a recent thing that we try to keep them as boys rather than encouraging them to be the men they are.

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 14:23

A 20 year old is far more experienced in relationships and sexually than a 16 year old

What a sweeping statement Fabbychic

We don't know this couple from Adam, so have no idea of their experiences.

HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 14:24

Some 16 year old boys mght be extra mature....but generally girls of 16 are a lot more mature..case in point...I was in a cafe yesterday in our park and a group of teens came in...aged about 16....the girls got their trays and a drink/chips very nicely....sat down and talked together...the boys joined them and immediatelybegand blowing chewed up paper at one another through straws.

The girls looked on indulgently.

tokle · 10/07/2011 14:32

I think its pretty strange but I bet it won't last long.

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 14:34

In the case of my children a 20 year old girl would be more experienced if she had had even one more boyfriend than they had girlfriends. My eldest son had his first girlfriend at 19, my son here now is 18 and has yet to have a girlfriend.

I might be naive but I would like to think that a 16 year old CHILD would have no sexual experience.

cantspel · 10/07/2011 14:35

I know plenty of 16 year old girls who gather together and giggle like 12 year olds and 16 year old boys who organise quite complicated sporting events for younger children.
There isn't one mold that fits all.

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 14:36

A 16 year old is still a child they cannot vote, they cannot see 18 films, they cannot drink in a pub or go to a night club. A 20 year old however can do all those things.

worraliberty · 10/07/2011 14:39

Perhaps she doesn't want to do any of those things?

And yes, you are very naive if you automatically think a 16yr old would have no sexual experience.

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