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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DP should get over his disgust at changing shitty nappies?

209 replies

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 07/07/2011 23:03

seriously, our baby girl is 3 weeks old tomorrow and DP has changed ONE nappy. And that was only because she was wearing huggies and she weed and it leaked and i was at the post office. I keep asking/telling him to change her but he "just can't do it" as he "doesn't do shit" and it makes him feel sick. So AIBU to think he should just man up, grow a pair and get stuck in?

OP posts:
MotherPanda · 08/07/2011 14:15

I feel like going out and buying my DH flowers or something now... just to tell him how much I appreciate him not being a knob.

But then... I'd be rewarding him for doing whats expected... so maybe not...

RitaMorgan · 08/07/2011 14:20

If I tried to tell DP I can't do any boring, dirty or time consuming jobs but I'll make it up to him by doing all the fun, easy and nice stuff he would laugh his arse off Grin

HeavyHeidi · 08/07/2011 14:23

DH isn't good at changing nappies? Does he have special needs? in this case, I of course understand. but otherwise it's not exactly rocket science and you don't need years of study and experience, now do you?

BumWiper · 08/07/2011 14:24

Heidi of course you do to perfect it.

[Adjusts crown]

flowery · 08/07/2011 14:25

I'm going to opt out of supervising teeth cleaning.

BumWiper · 08/07/2011 14:26

The Toddler smells.I will have to wait til DH gets home at about 10pm.

RitaMorgan · 08/07/2011 14:28

I'm opting out of anything between the hours of 10pm and 10am. I just can't do late night/early mornings but I'm a great mother after lunch.

DialsMavis · 08/07/2011 14:28

DP tried this one, he heaves and makes a complete fuss but I won't listen to a word of it.

anonacfr · 08/07/2011 14:29

*My DH never ever changed a nappy.

He really is useless at it and tbh he is good at other things - like carrying her and playing with her at the playground and swinging her so I let it go.

People have different abilities, and if he says he doesn't do shit, then it's up to you to do it, or your DD will suffer.

My Dh got up with our DD at night and did his best, but he's not very dexterous - he drops things and is a bit klutzy, and I could see that he was being honest when he said he'd rather not change her nappy.*

Hmm
BumWiper · 08/07/2011 14:30

Done and im still in one piece.

dreamingbohemian · 08/07/2011 14:39

Dorje Let me get this straight, your DH is too klutzy to change a nappy but is great at carrying her and swinging and playing?

Hmm
NorkyButNice · 08/07/2011 14:41

DH never blinked an eye at changing dirty nappies - indeed I was stuck in bed lying down with epidural related problems for the first week of DS1's life so DH must have done the lot.

When Ds2 was born, we went to stay for a week with the in-laws and we took DS1 to the park, leaving FIL to babysit. While we were out, DS2 did an enormous poo and FIL changes his first dirty nappy, having avoided it with both his own children. I don't know how MIL put up with it!

chippy47 · 08/07/2011 14:42

"he is good at other things - like carrying her and playing with her at the playground and swinging her"

I think some of the newer universities are offering courses in this for men who can hoodwink their partners into thinking this is a good trade off for not doing anything else.

Unless there is a physical impediment involved there is no such thing as 'I am no good at changing nappies'. FFS it is easy - they are not doing it because they are 1) lazy 2) stuck in another era 3) with someone who lets them get away with it or 4) all 3.

Actually a bit surprised by some of the arguments in their defence. I am sure some of the DP's must have had a CS so what happens then -they still leave them to do it?

piprabbit · 08/07/2011 14:48

Does he struggle to cope with all bodily 'stuff'?

What about the time your DD lovingly gives him a hug and then sneezes bogies down his neck?

Or the wee soaks through the nappy and his trousers?

Or baby does one of those exploding poos that go right up their back and out the top of their babygro?

Or vomit (not milky possets), there will probably come a day when he will be trying to catch vomit in his bare hands?

Or when holding DD up to wee at the side of the road, suddenly finding that he's misjudged the wind diection and has wee all over his shoes?

Or moping up blood from a cut head?

Seriously, there are so many times when a parent will find themselves covered in their offspring's poo, wee, vomit, snot and blood. Nobody likes it but parents do just have to get on with it or leave their child distressed. Your DH needs to be finding ways to cope now. He must be made to realise that this is his problem, not yours.

thesurgeonsmate · 08/07/2011 14:48

I loved overhearing this conversation:

FIL: "I hope you don't change nappies"
DH: "Oh FFS, I've got a three week old daughter, of course I change nappies."

piprabbit · 08/07/2011 14:50

What happens to babies where neither parent 'does poo'?

DilysPrice · 08/07/2011 14:51

Hester has preempted exactly what I wanted to say. Having a strong preference to do any other chore other than nappies (or vomit, or early mornings, or cleaning blocked sinks or stuffing raw chickens or whatever) and then openly negotiating a mutually acceptable deal with your partner that you will take on other responsibilities in return for being normally "let off" that one is fine, and exactly what adults do all the time.

Simply insisting that you are such a sensitive flower that you cannot do X at all, ever, full stop is not ok and not adult. That goes double if it means that you cannot ever take sole care for your child for more than an hour.

blackcurrants · 08/07/2011 14:52

OP, YANBU.

Your lovely DP is saying "I'm too good for touching shit. But you're not. You're just right for touching shit. Which means you are less good than me."

That's what his fundamental attitude says. LOUDLY.

Ask him, if you were hit by a bus, would he abandon his baby? Or let her sit in shit until she magically potty trained herself around in around 3 years? Ask him why he thinks you love changing a pooey nappy? Ask him why he's refusing to perform basic parenting tasks for his baby? Ask him why he doesn't want to make his baby comfy when she's wet/pooey and unhappy?

FGS, it's his daughter. Doesn't he love her?

MoreBeta · 08/07/2011 14:54

Oh FGS!

Words just fail me. Is he planning to complete his fatherly duties by helping out at the conception and then leading her down the aisle while missing out the boring messy bits inbetween?

Bogeyface · 08/07/2011 14:56

Does he have special needs?

Yes, he needs a kick up the arse!

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome · 08/07/2011 15:02

Buy him a tiara and rename him 'Princess' - Arse.

When I was pregnant with DS2, DS1 was about 18 months and would do the most gargantuan poo first thing every morning. I had chronic morning sickness and would have to stand him in the bath, take off his nappy (and then vomit), wrap it up (vomit some more), hose him down (squeezing up the last dregs of bile in my stomach) and then bleach the bath out (dry retching for the next few minutes). It was utterly horrendous but I did it because IT ISN'T A CHOICE.

Shit happens, he has to suck it up.

ilovedora27 · 08/07/2011 15:07

How on earth do the posters with husbands who wont do it go away for weekends away or nights out regularly?

thesurgeonsmate · 08/07/2011 15:07

I am trying at the moment to establish that I don't, or less plausibly can't, wash the baby's hair. DH is getting quite grumpy about it, I can tell you.

chippy47 · 08/07/2011 15:11

My DP will be away for a few days and I don't really do cooking (all that mess). Hope the kids won't be too hungry by the time she gets back.

HeavyHeidi · 08/07/2011 15:13

but..but...ilovedora, you dont, of course. you can't leave such a small baby all alone (home with the other parent). They wouldn't cope. But then again, they are good at other things, like going out with the boys or watching TV, so it's allright really.