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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DP should get over his disgust at changing shitty nappies?

209 replies

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 07/07/2011 23:03

seriously, our baby girl is 3 weeks old tomorrow and DP has changed ONE nappy. And that was only because she was wearing huggies and she weed and it leaked and i was at the post office. I keep asking/telling him to change her but he "just can't do it" as he "doesn't do shit" and it makes him feel sick. So AIBU to think he should just man up, grow a pair and get stuck in?

OP posts:
VforViennetta · 07/07/2011 23:51

Just tell him to man up and breathe through his mouth, tis easy.

Collaborate · 07/07/2011 23:58

Good god. Doesn't he want to free her from all that shit? That should be reward enough. You do anything for your child just because you love them and feel so protective of them.

Original poster
Melly20MummyToPoppy · 08/07/2011 04:47

I keep pointing out that he's being selfish but it's just not sinking in! Neither of his parents are impressed with him either. I daren't mention it to my mum, she'd give him a right bollocking! Then again maybe i should. . . .

OP posts:
IWishIWasAFrog · 08/07/2011 05:01

Snap! My DS is 21 months and DH has changed perhaps 10, ever, and only under great duress! DS2 arriving in 3 months... and my patience is wearing thin!

nooka · 08/07/2011 05:04

I remember retching at nappy changing time. You get desensitised with time (I started off by holding my breath) and newborn ones are definitely less stinky than the ones that come later. You've got 2-3 years of this per child, so he needs to learn to cope sharpish.

nooka · 08/07/2011 05:04

I'd just give him the smelly baby and walk away.

iscream · 08/07/2011 05:16

I would not give him a choice.
Vomit is was worse I think, he better brace himself, hold his breath and learn to do it. These guys are doing it.

aurynne · 08/07/2011 05:45

I almost retched the first time I had to pick up dog's poo. But as with any shit in your life, you just get used to it. Unless you have a slave who does it for you, that is...

MrMan · 08/07/2011 06:02

Tell him you will change all the nappies if he does all the early morning wake-ups.

TanteRose · 08/07/2011 06:14

when they are older and get D&V, it is coming out of both ends, and its 100x worse than the tiny amount of lovely, fragrant, milky poo coming out of a three-week old....

will he just say "I don't do D&V" and leave you to cope? You need to address this problem NOW!

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 08/07/2011 06:15

Bloody hell how ridiculous. I cannot believe men still pull this stunt and get away with it. Tell him to grow the fuck up.

Grumpla · 08/07/2011 06:26

Twat. Babies shit. Get over it.

Piggles · 08/07/2011 06:26

What on earth would he do if you (heaven forbid) fell under a bus tomorrow?Leave her sitting in her own shit permanently? I think not. He'd cope if he had no choice.

He is only avoiding doing it because he currently has the choice to leave you to do it, which is all kinds of unfair. Unless he actually has some kind of genuine poo-phobia he really needs to take some responsibility.

mrsbiscuits · 08/07/2011 07:00

My DH is rubbish at nappies too, can probably count on one hand how many times he has changed DS1 and DS2's ( they are now 6 and 2) It used to bug me and I used to make a big deal of it but nothing changed. I had to decide whether it was worth the constant bickering ( a bit like loading the dishwasher) and decided that, for me at any rate, yes it was annoying and on his part a little but pathetic, but there are more important things to get heated about. I think if it really is a deal breaker for you then by all means insist but if not (like it isn't really for me) then leave the rows for things that are.

moogster1a · 08/07/2011 07:29

Why does anyone moan about shitty nappies. i think my lo's smell like really good pate. They're the essence of baby. My DH does get quite disturbed when I'm restraining myself from giving them a really good sniff. I honestly can't understand how he doesn't enjoy the smell. DC1 was just the same. babypoo. Mmmmm

Andrewofgg · 08/07/2011 07:32

YANBU and you know YANBU. What a slob.

PinkSchmoo · 08/07/2011 07:39

Is he involved generally or does he seem to think it's your baby? You need to get this sorted and leave him to it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/07/2011 07:43

Yep, tell his mum! Why doesn't he just breathe through his mouth? My DS produces some humdingers which can make me retch but if you breathe through your mouth it's ok.

We have children for the rewards they bring us. In exchange for those rewards we have to do some difficult, tiring or unpleasant things. Does he want all the rewards of being a father without having to take on the hard work? I know a few men like that

DilysPrice · 08/07/2011 07:44

Gordon Ramsay said "oh my nose is so sensitive that I never changed nappies" which seemed reasonable for about 5 seconds until I thought
Hang on, if you're so sensitive that you can't deal with shit, who's wiping your arse for you?

I suggest that you suggest to your husband that unless he has a colostomy bag changed by a team of nurses he is in fact perfectly capable of dealing with faeces (and far more disgusting ones than that produced by a newborn). And you will not accept this behaviour.

FFS bf baby poo doesn't even smell like shit.

ginmakesitallok · 08/07/2011 07:46

My BIL has 2 daughters and has never changed a nappy - whenhe had them on his own and they needed changed he would take them to PILs house...

bruffin · 08/07/2011 07:48

It depends what else he does. I had no problems with nappies, DH did. However I cannot clear up vomit without throwing up myself and he is brilliant at it. Fortunately my children have cast iron stomachs and I can count on one hand the times they have sickness bugs (they are teenagers now). But I gladly exchanged my 4 years of nappies for his occassional sick cleaning.

ZonkedOut · 08/07/2011 07:50

There will come a time when he has to do it, as in, he's with her and you aren't. Maybe you can convince him that it's better for him to get used to it while it's still relatively unsmelly baby poos. It'll be a bigger shock to his delicate system if the first pooey nappy he has to cope with is a full on weaned monster one.

My FIL is rather proud that he's never changed a nappy. I keep offering to let him change one of my DDs' nappies, to break the duck, but funnily enough, he declines. Fortunately, his son is less old fashioned and realises that is not an option!

TheOriginalFAB · 08/07/2011 07:56

You know you are not being unreasonable but this needs dealing with. Ask him how he would feel if he had to sit in pants full of shit..

porpoisefull · 08/07/2011 07:57

OP, YAsoNBU and he is taking the piss. I bet he doesn't 'do' getting up in the night either. And for what it's worth, my DH did practically all the nappies in the first couple of weeks: I fed one end 24/7, he cleaned up the other.

DilysPrice · 08/07/2011 07:57

He is also making a declaration that he will not be capable of sole care until your DC is about 3 - you might be able to have the odd night out once they sleep through, but visits to sick relatives are out of the question and going back to work will be extremely problematic.

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