to be so upset by my friends choice of school

[honeyfool]

I live in a largish village which is surrounded by lots of smaller more 'desirable villages'. Our local school has had a rough time lately. It has just recently come out of special measures which it had been placed in due to poor management. The teaching staff have almost entirely been replaced and with the backing of some of the community we are doing really well now APART from the fact that we are left with bad rep. Anyone who has every visited the school though, says how wonderfully friendly and welcoming it is and how happy and well looked after the children are. They are also making real academic progress. We are now out of SM with a really decent report. However, the 'aspirational' mothers still choose to send their kids to the over subscribed schools in the neighbouring villages. This reduces our funding and really erodes our community as a whole.

Anyway, long story short, one of my best friends has chosen to send her DD out of the community to a different school. I am just so upset that her values appear to be so different to mine that she would do this. I know it is down to parental choice, but I just cannot speak to her about this as I feel so strongly about it and I will say something I regret. Keep having mock conversations with her in my head. Grrrr. Want to stop thinking about it but it is making me so mad. She hasn't spoken to me about it at all.

Sorry - I know too long..... AMBU??

Well the crap school in my village is in a typical middle class, pushy parent area.

The school I send dd to has a high proportion of "traveller children" and also seems to have a lot of kids with adhd, etc. So kids that you may on first glance think would be mroe disruptive, etc. However as its a better school with better teachers, etc its not disruptive. Well maybe a bit, but its still better than the other school.

Maypole i live on a council estate and have all my life. I find sparkles post offensive. Have you actually read it.

Thankfully though the sink estate in on the edge of the town and not anywhere near sparkle.

I have said the school which feeds mainly from the council estate is rated as good the same as the one which feeds from the private estae. There is no difference.

My catchment area school had measures in places hence i choose another one. It didnt have measures in because the kids were from a council estate. It was badly run. My kids do just as well as the kids from the private estate in their school.

Even if i put my dd in a poor school i still think she would do her best with what the school provided.

a 'crap' school can be turned around by a brilliant head teacher and luckily there are still some who want to do a good job

sad how even children are judged before they are even given a chance

Usual - get back in your sink and stay away from the leafy suburbs.

My estate is very leafy ,I will have you know

Usual - leafs you say, on a council estate

Flip - they are and it annoys me. You could take our headmistress and put her in one of the primarys in my town which is the worst in the LEA and i could put money on her turning it around.

Our senior which feeds maily from council areas is 2nd in the LEA and is outstanding. The parents from the surrounding 'leafier' towns fight to get their kids in. Luckily my sink estate is within a 5 minute walk from it so i know mine will be going.

I would be miffed too, OP, if this was a friend of mine, because i think this question has more to do with your friend's values than anything else. Good for you for supporting the local school - even if it isn't the obvious choice for everyone and has been seen as "failing" in the past, you are willing to give it a chance and support the community.

It's a shame that you seem to be in the minority, though.

I have read this thread with something like amusement because I have this problem in a kind of reverse.

Round here, there are a very few grammars and a mostly comprehensive secondary system. Family next door (son a year older than DS but good friends) have paid for a weekly tutor for the last couple of years to coach their son for grammar school entry. Wouldn't consider the comprehensive 'it's not for people like us'.

Last week, I went round the grammar their son is going to. A few weeks prior to that I had visited our nearest comprehensive. Loved the comprehensive, thought the grammar wasn't a patch on it - poorer facilities, badly maintained, ancient displays, a generally 'we're a grammar, we get good results but we don't even have to try' attitude. Comprehensive highly driven, aspirational, fantastic displays and equipment, ICT everywhere, fab, articulate pupils, great facilities for sport and art and drama etc etc

As a result, we won't even be putting DS down for the test for this grammar. We might for the other. hyper-selective grammar (DS visiting there tomorrow) but we would not consider our neighbours' choice, the one they have fought so hard for and seen as 'the only possible education for our son, not like that nasty comp'.

We are skirting round the issue with our neighbours....and reading this thread will just keep schtum....

Sorry my catchment didnt have measures in, It had a bad reputation and was rated as poor now good. The one i went to has SM and is the worst in the LEA.

Should also say that when I was looking for work after I qualified (early last year) I visited loads of primaries as there was huge competition for jobs.

The very, very best primary I visited, the one which was clearly doing extraordinary things for its pupils, was right plumb in the middle of the worst area within 20 miles. Even to mention the estate it is in makes most local people shudder. But it was an absolutely amazing school, the teaching was brilliant, the behaviour impeccable and the progress it had made in the last few years absolutely amazing. At the time, it still had a 1 year old 'special measures' ofsted. A few weeks later it had a new one... Outstanding.

i think people should just be honest an say they don't want their kids mixing with the local oiks/foreigners/chavs then we will all understand.

they skirt around making lots of excuses but everyone knows they want their kids to go to school with kids who are the same as they perceive themselves to be.

It annoys me - out of sight out of mind. No wonder the kids who would do well but have parents with 'problems' dont get a chance. There parents are 'scum' from a council estate so they must be as well. Get back to where you belong is the general attitude.

I guess if a school is in SMs it may be indicative of poor teaching, no parental support etc.

In my experience community within a school doesn't depend upon money but time, who gives the school time? My dcs go to a pretty middle class school, the turn out for fund raising is great. I know of a school in a very poor (without wanting to sound liek a tosser) area that has a great community effort and they also get a great turn out. I know a cheaper private school that gave up a PTA because noone ever bothered going to anything and the local [rimary to me got poor parental turn out too.....people just couldn't be bothered.

Fifis I have heard that argument so many times a bright star will shine in any school I glad your willing to take the chance some are not

I want my bright star to shine in a bright school with parents who feel the same about education

Like I said their is a clear like between poverty and low aspiration, also as to your theory that your schoold head could turn any school around no doubut she could take a failing school from off its knees but the heads will never get any were near to making it outstanding+ which in my book it's when a school is so good it gives the private schools a run for their money.

A good head will only be able to take a school
So far if its full of parents who are unitested in their child education, if it's full of parents who constantly challenge a teachers authority

I am sure your child is really sweet a bright but just respect others who don't want their child in their local school and to be honest you don't know you wouldn't feel the same about avoiding the school if you lived were others lived

My sons local high school had a riot 3 months ago which made the news they have metal dectors due to a knife issue

I will not be sending son child there

"I just want a positive attitude and environment for my children and they simply will not get it in that particular school."

There are well run schools stuffed with inspirational and dynamic teachers in very, very rough areas. Like the ones my dc's go to. Research shows that children who are well-supported at home do well where ever they go to school, as long as there aren't major problems with classroom management, the school is well organised, and the teachers are excellent.

"it is the pervading attitude/atmosphere that is the problem the staff have to fight against."

Parents who avoid well run schools because they serve a deprived community or have a large ethnic intake are helping to sustain an unfair system of education which damages the poorest and most vulnerable children in our society.

Schools need to have a social mix which reflects wider society in order to sustain good progress and teacher morale.

"I want my bright star to shine in a bright school with parents who feel the same about education"

There are parents like that in every school in the country.

"also as to your theory that your schoold head could turn any school around no doubut she could take a failing school from off its knees"

The school my dd goes to was in the bottom 17 in the entire country 6 years ago. Last year it got an 'outstanding' ofsted rating. Its sister school was also a terrible, failing comprehensive 10 years ago. Last year it was judged the best comprehensive in the country, having received an 'outstanding' in every single category in its OFSTED.

You are wrong. A school can change.

I live in a comprehensive area ,no grammars,hardly any private schools

All classes and a very diverse ethnic mix

I would hate all the school angst I read about on here

I think there are people here who think their kids will 'catch' cleverness if they mix with posh kids.

More like people think their kids will catch pleb if they mix with the oiks

Supd I glad you want to risk your Childs education but I cannot take that gamble

I can't put my child the local sink school
Hoping for a dangerous minds like teacher to raise up the kids or some kind of super head to take charge I would just rather put my child in a school
Thats fantastic form the get go

Maypole.

My brightstar is shining in her good bordering on outstanding school, if she has a few more years i dont doubt she could make the school one of the best. The headteacher is actually the new head of the private all girls school, starting in September.

I dont doubt if she went to my catchment area school which is now good and well managed she would be exactlly the same.

But i know when the new head starts in September it could have a huge impact on how the school is managed.

You assume that all schools are poor which feed from a council estate. Yours may be but ours are not. Some are good and some are poorly managed. As i have already said our senior school is outstanding which feeds mainly from council estates.

I want my bright star to shine in a bright school with parents who feel the same about education

Do people who live on council estate not want their kids to have a good education?

You are making sweeping generalisations about people who live on council estates IMO. I dont for one minute believe that all failing schools are slap bang in the middle of council estates.

*i dont doubt if my daughter went

No spud they don't think they will catch cleverness but they do think their will be better discipline, more challenging work, the school will attract better teachers and it has better results.

If labour had sorted the bloody schools this wouldn't be a issue and every school would be a good school

I think I'm going to catch stupid if I hang around this thread any longer.