to be so upset by my friends choice of school

[honeyfool]

I live in a largish village which is surrounded by lots of smaller more 'desirable villages'. Our local school has had a rough time lately. It has just recently come out of special measures which it had been placed in due to poor management. The teaching staff have almost entirely been replaced and with the backing of some of the community we are doing really well now APART from the fact that we are left with bad rep. Anyone who has every visited the school though, says how wonderfully friendly and welcoming it is and how happy and well looked after the children are. They are also making real academic progress. We are now out of SM with a really decent report. However, the 'aspirational' mothers still choose to send their kids to the over subscribed schools in the neighbouring villages. This reduces our funding and really erodes our community as a whole.

Anyway, long story short, one of my best friends has chosen to send her DD out of the community to a different school. I am just so upset that her values appear to be so different to mine that she would do this. I know it is down to parental choice, but I just cannot speak to her about this as I feel so strongly about it and I will say something I regret. Keep having mock conversations with her in my head. Grrrr. Want to stop thinking about it but it is making me so mad. She hasn't spoken to me about it at all.

Sorry - I know too long..... AMBU??

I think YANBU to be a bit hurt that your friend didn't talk to you, but yabu to think she should have - education in the UK is sadly about more than education, its a loaded subject so a lot of people keep quiet about their choices.

I stopped at "aspirational mums"

I've already said that yes, the estate is mostly ex-council. But personally I don't think that's the issue. The issue is the general attitude of the parents of the children who go to that school.

YABVVVVVVU Its HER choice to send her child to whatever school she wants, not one that she has been bullied into sending.

Oh you mean the poor people

But a country that's mixed is great.....a classroom that's divided is not flipthefrog. Friends of mine who teach claim that the playground is completely divided.

YABU (sorry!). It's up to her. Don't let it affect your friendship - I think it's expecting too much of (even) close friends to share all our values, especially when there are children involved.

Thats nothing to do with the school though. I am sure if you sent one of your kids there they would do well no. Is it only ex council/sink estate parents who have this attitude. I am sure they all dont. Therefor unless you know all the parents you are talking shite.

You DC may be in for quite a shock if they have your attitude when they start senior school

Not in my experience ,my ds went to a very culturally mixed school and they all played together

Hes now 18 and still has friends from all different races/cultures

really? my son's best mate is from romania, no divisions on the playground here. not like the massive divide from the religious school round the corner.

if we want integration to truely work we need to let children play with kids from all other backgrounds/race/affluence etc.

we are simply not doing that and we will create a problem for the future, like it or not

Oh please, of course I don't mean the "poor" people! I don't give a stuff where someone lives, or what their income is, or whether they're on benefits, or whether they work or not. I care, very deeply, about whether or not someone's attitude to education, life, ethics, morals, whatever is actively disadvantaging their own children, and hence why would I ever want to put my own children in there?

(that was to crapola)

Oh Maypole, get back in your box - you don't do nuance, do you?

I made a similar decision about DD's school, IMO our local village school is second if not third-rate and our incompetent and chaotic local administration is to blame. Re your point on the community - my child only has one shot at primary education and I'm going to give her the best. Building a community isn't necessarily about putting up with whatever crap the local council deign to offer you. You can contribute in many other ways.

Yes really, the outstanding school (secondary) is terribly divided. The Somali Muslim boys are incredibly sexist too. The Pakistani Muslim girls cover at school but not outside (obviously not all but some) and the Muslims only mix with others of the same country of origin.....everyone else mixes well, Europeans, Chinese and Indian.

No but you call where they live a sink estate

Sorry the minestrone was about to burn dry.

Just to clarify, I am not in any way suggesting that your local school is crap, I am sure it's lovely. I was only talking about my decision and I found myself having to justify my choice to a lot of people, which I rather resented tbh.

What I meant was, that as others have said, your friend may be able to contribute to the community in other ways and may not just be an aspirational type.

YA still BU, sorry.

It must drive you up the wall, crapola, all those Somalis and Pakistanis and Chinese people being racist like that.

Fifis your talking shite if you don't no their is a link between poverty low attainment, then i worry for your kids

I actually moved to a smaller home to get my child in a better school

And sparkle is quite right its not about the school at all really it's about parental attitude to education although very possible is it un likely in a middle class area the attitudes will be the same.

And if parental attitudes didn't make a difference you lefties wouldn't be so desperate to make the middle classes put their children these god awful schools

OP talked about an SM school and a few people here are assuming it's in the middle of a council estate - we don't know.
A badly managed SM school in a deprived area is the recipe for disaster, such a school is obviously not dealing with the needs of it's students.
A school doesn't become a SM school just because it's in a deprived area. IMO a school in a deprived area which is well run and well managed can be just as effective as one in the suburbs.

i'm not desperate for them to send them to the school but they can quit their generalising and stereotyping about us 'lefties' you no wot i mean

well it's quite weird if you think a friend is on the same wavelength as you are and then your realise that they aren't!

i've seen many a fall out over people's choices of school and as i said earlier it's been the ones who seem to think that the local is beneath them somewhat.

I'm not sure it's racist at all, it's easier to forge friendships with people who live in your street, go and worship with you and are part of your community.

Urgh, continually cross posting, sorry. Right, trying to catch up -

Fifis25StottieCakes - no of course it's not just ex council/sink estate parents who have this attitude. But unfortunately I don't think that if I sent my child there they would do as well as at another school where the attitude of the entire school community is much more positive. They would have to battle against the general negative influence/attitude of their peers, and lets face it, peer pressure is a big motivator for children.

I just want a positive attitude and environment for my children and they simply will not get it in that particular school.

Someone asked about the senior schools here - there are a number of different senior schools in the town most of which draw from right across the town, including from this particular school. One of the schools takes most of it's intake from that school/catchment and again it is the pervading attitude/atmosphere that is the problem the staff have to fight against.

Us council estate lefties are the worst