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Original poster

To be annoyed my DH had a naked private dance

371 replies

maybunny · 03/07/2011 22:03

OK my DH wasnt naked, but the stripper in the stripclub in Los Angeles was :-(
He went to LA on business (PR - so mostly socialising rather than what I consider 'work'!) last month, and he has only just told me that a colleague paid for him to have a private dance after they all went to a strip club. I was most annoyed because he had kept it a secret from me for a few weeks, and that he had put 'saving dace' in front of colleagues before my feelings.
He said he thought I would be a bit annoyed about it which was why he hadnt told me about it at the time (esp as I was having huge sleep problems with DD - ie surviving on 2 hours a night!)
I am so upset about this and apart from apologising (which he has done now he knows how I feel) I dont know wht he can do to make me feel better. I am realy struggling to forgive him.
:-(

OP posts:
carmenelectra · 05/07/2011 18:42

All I can say is, thank the lord my Dp doesn't have a career where he has to entertain(bribe) clients by buying them naked lapdancing. What kind of a poxy job is that? And what the hell has is got to do with work?

My Dp isn't kept on a tight rein, he can go out when he likes and has been abroad and on stag weekends without me(rarely). I would put my foot down at a sex touristy place though. To be fair I doubt he would go anyway.

I hope he cares enough about me to not want to hurt me and as far as he tells me we have very similar values and the same boundaries. I can never be totally certaoin though and yes, there are plenty of women who foolishly think their dp/dh isn't like that. I don't think mine is and he most definitely does not have the opportunity, just because of our work and family life.

Thankfully he has a job so far removed from the OP's which somehow gives them a license to act like middle ages playboys.

My dp knows the score though. I don't tell him what he can or can't do, but if he did something he would be history.

Why do men get married if they want to behave like this??

Tallulah1978 · 05/07/2011 19:16

I can't quite be bothered going back through to see who said what but let me make something clear. In actual fact I do not think the OP is being unreasonable to be upset, I can perfectly well understand why. Secondly, when I was dancing tgthere was no masturbation of any description for either party and certainly no touching. No grinding in laps, the closest we would get was a flick of hair wafted over his face. We ourvdances eerevtimed and were never longer than the length of a song, ie. 3 mins. We were not allowed to remove our knickers until the very last moment and when we had it was categorically forbidden to move our knees apart or bend over. This was very strictly policed in the clubs I worked in and any girl that did break these rules became quickly known as a 'dirty dancer' and ousted. You seem to making a lot of judgements and assumptions about something which you know diddly squat about.

You have clung on to the term I used that you should 'relax'. As I have said, I agree each relationship has different dealbreakers but in my opinion and actually speaking from experience I just don't see why it would be grounds for divorce.

I have the utmost respect for men, their brains and indeed their dicks; as I do for my fellow womenkind. Each to their own, I was merely trying to put forward an informed opinion whereas yours seemed to be an emotionally charged response.

HerBeX · 05/07/2011 19:54

Who are you speaking to Tallulah?

You seem to be answering several posters at once there. I'll just answer your last para because that seems to be picking up on something I posted and say I'm very happy that you respect men so much, but I stand by my opinion that lots of women (and men) have no respect whatsoever for men, if they think that the only reason they wouldn't go to lapdancing clubs, is because their wives won't "let" them, as if they are some kind of adult children. Talking about adults in terms of "letting" them do things, is the opposite of respect IMO.

HerBeX · 05/07/2011 19:57

And I'm not sure who you are talking to exactly when you say a post was an emotionally charged response, but I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with emotional charge. We're talking about emotional stuff here, the OP was seriously upset by this and lots of other women are emotionally devastated when they find out that the men they live with, aren't the men they thought they were. Nothing wrong with emotion, it's part of being human.

Tallulah1978 · 05/07/2011 20:18

I didn't say there was anything wrong with emotionally charged response, I was merely pointing out the difference between mine, and for instance your responses. My opinion is very matter of fact and very well informed . You are right that the OP is upset and it is emotional stuff and a lot of the time the last thing you need are other peoples emotional feelings about a subject thrown in to the mix to fuel the fire.

I also quite agree that men will make their own decisions about going to such a place and indeed about what to do when they get there. And they absolutely will make up their own minds. I do not see men ad weak minded idiots who are at the mercy of their domineering wives; I was merely stating, again from EXPERIENCE, the worst culprits were those that were exactly that. Fact.

HerBeX · 05/07/2011 20:24

I don't disbelieve you.

I'm merely questioning why so many people think that so many men are weak pathetic children who need to be told what to do.

I think it's a terrible view to have of men.

carmenelectra · 05/07/2011 20:38

I do agree that there are some domineering wives whose husbands probably do shit on them in secret.

There are also wives like myself, who don't lay down the law but have boundaries. Men have them too, surely?!

I would sooner my dp tell me if he wanted to live his life like a(idiotic) single bloke so that I wouldn't waste my energy on him. Or he could choose the option of being cool about me viewing other mens cocks at close range for fun while he babysits!

It always amazes me that women are meant to be battleaxes for not being happy when their partner takes the piss like this?

How many men would honestly be ok if it were their wives??

Tallulah1978 · 05/07/2011 20:44

I absolutely do not have that view of men at all, quite the contrary. I have been shocked by the number of women on here using the terms 'let' and 'allow'. At no point have I expressed that opinion and I believe have spoken highly of men, including those that do frequent such places.

Tallulah1978 · 05/07/2011 20:50

Why are single blokes idiotic?

I reiterate; the worst culprits are those that had said domineering wives.

Nothing wrong with having your line drawn in the sand.

fastweb · 05/07/2011 21:17

I reiterate; the worst culprits are those that had said domineering wives

You said you were basing this on your working experience ?

Must have been a bit uncomfortable in the club with the worst culprits' domineering wives floating around the place with their cat's bum mouths ruining the mood.

tifflins · 05/07/2011 21:28

thing is, he did actually tell you about it, albeit a little while after. i think that shows he wasnt happy keeping it a 'secret' and wanted your forgivness in a way, and didn't want to lie to you (which is a good thing, no?).

HerBeX · 05/07/2011 21:35

Yes I wonder if the OP's husband told the stripper he had a domineering wife...

fastweb · 05/07/2011 21:57

Yes I wonder if the OP's husband told the stripper he had a domineering wife

Well if he did it must be true.

Men who sneak behind their wives' back doing things they know their spouses would object to are second only to the Madonna herself when it comes to not telling porkies for the sake of minimizing what they are doing by transferring the responsibility and blame onto the woman at home who thinks he is in a meeting. FACT

smallwhitecat · 05/07/2011 22:28

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mauricetinkler · 05/07/2011 22:38

What about if your hub wanted to go on a lads' jolly to Amsterdam SWC. Would you be okay for that if he assured you it was just a piss up and he wouldnt be going in any lapdance clubs?
Tallulah1978 - btw - read your post about what you did re lapdancing. Having never been to a lapdance club myself, it sounds totally pants? You may as well stay at home and have wank ffs.

smallwhitecat · 05/07/2011 22:44

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Message withdrawn

mauricetinkler · 05/07/2011 22:47

So is that a yes or a no SWC?

fastweb · 05/07/2011 22:47

Secondly, when I was dancing tgthere ........................ you know diddly squat about.

I appreciate you worked in the business for 18 months, a decade or so ago, (I'm assuming in the UK ?).

But a quick google for customer reviews of strip clubs in LA today would point to a rather more eclectic range of policy adoption and enforcement.

Might be something to do with increased competition thanks to at least a couple of years of economic downturn impacting profit margins.

smallwhitecat · 05/07/2011 22:52

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Message withdrawn

carmenelectra · 05/07/2011 22:55

Tallulah, I don't think ALL single blokes are idiotic, though some that regularly go pay for lap dances probably are. It isn't a 'laugh' its getting a cheap thrill. Fair play to them though if they don't have anyone to answer to and they aren't hurting a partner.

Sadly, it seems to be mostly married men who do this.

mauricetinkler · 05/07/2011 22:58

It is SWC, thanks.
Forgetting the moral issues, I'm still struggling to understand why somebody pays good money to watch somebody get her tits etc out. With no touching, no nothing. What is the point?

mauricetinkler · 05/07/2011 23:00

Is there something you aren't telling us Tallulah1978? Is there funny business going on in side rooms?

HerBeX · 05/07/2011 23:15

The point is the power-rush Maurice

It makes an inadequate man feel good to get that rush of power to have another human being put on a sexual display for him.

Decent men don't need that power rush because they get their kicks in other ways.

carmenelectra · 05/07/2011 23:23

Things defintely go on in side rooms at every lap dancing place I bet

larrygrylls · 06/07/2011 07:49

Herbex,

This idea that it is only "inadequate" men that go to this kind of place is well wide of the mark. All types of men go, and, surprisingly, a fair few women. It is dictated by what business people work in or what is perceived as normal on an all male evening out.

I have been lapdancing with many well adjusted, happily married men, one of whom was an ex international athlete who had women throwing themselves at him all the time. He was completely faithful throughout (I know him well). On the other hand, I have another friend who is a bit of a philanderer and he never goes lapdancing, referring to it as "going to a restaurant and not being able to eat the food". Draw your own conclusions.