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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to keep my twins even though I am SP to 3 already

151 replies

Belini · 03/07/2011 09:59

I am single parent to 3 boys 12, 5, 4 and am pregnant with twins. I was booked for a termination after long discussions with parents they said they would support me in whatever decision I made. So I decided to continue with pregnancy. Now parents and sisters and friends all say they think I am making a mistake. AIBU to 1. Want to keep my twins and 2. Be annoyed that everyone said they would be supportive until I make a decision they don't like. Much thanks and please don't hold back honest advice needed xx

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/07/2011 10:01

Frankly, I think you are careless. YANBU to want to keep your twins, YABU to expect your parents to take up the slack.
What about your DP or the father of your twins? What does he say?

HarrietJones · 03/07/2011 10:02

YANBU , it's up to you whether you keep them
YANBU to expect people to support you when they said they would

You do need to consider the long term & how you will cope with twins +3 OR an abortion.

ll31 · 03/07/2011 10:02

what about twins father? I can see how if you're completely on your own people would be thinking about how hard it would be.. on other hand once they're born they'll prob be supportive if they are already to your other children

WesternIsle · 03/07/2011 10:03

Agree YANBU to want to keep the twins.
YABU to expect anyone else to support you.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 03/07/2011 10:03

No. You are not being unreasonable. You want to keep your babies. That is your choice. Nobody should be trying to put pressure on you. Tell them to shut up.

You should also mentally prepare yourself because you have to feel able to do it alone, if you have to.

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2011 10:04

"YABU to expect anyone else to support you."
What exactly is family for?

DogsBestFriend · 03/07/2011 10:04
  1. No
  1. No

Sod what family and friends think or say, this is YOUR body, these are YOUR twins, this is YOUR life and it's YOU who would have to live with the consequences of a decision made to please other people.

Congratulations and enjoy your children. :)

Macaroona · 03/07/2011 10:05

What kind of support would you expect from your parents? Your children, your responsibility - the only person you need to discuss it with is the father, who you don't mention - what does he want?

FranSanDisco · 03/07/2011 10:06

Does the father of your other dcs offer support with them? Where is the twins' fathers?

skrumle · 03/07/2011 10:07

partly depends what people meant by "support", and what you thought they meant.

when i first read your OP i thought you meant your parents had offered real, practical support. however, if they meant simply that they would be there for you to talk with, etc and are now concerned that you are expecting practical support raising your children i can understand why they may be saying you are making a mistake...

YAtotallyNBU to want to keep your twins, YApotentiallyBU to expect anyone else's help if that is your choice.

Original poster
Belini · 03/07/2011 10:08

Absolutely agree that I was careless actually I was downright stupid. Just to clarify though not expecting anyone to pick up slack just looking for emotional support. Twins father not interested. Ds's father has regular contact with them.

OP posts:
bagelmonkey · 03/07/2011 10:09

Maybe your family are worried about how you'll cope and thinking about how much hard work this will be for you? It could be concern for you that is coming across as lack of support.
Do what's right for you. They'll either be there for you or they won't. Of course they'll have their doubts about either scenario, just like you. In the end they'll cope with whatever happens. As will you.

FranSanDisco · 03/07/2011 10:12

I think everyone will come round and offer you the emotional support you need as they are only expressing thier concerns because they care for you and your dcs. It would be easier from their pov to terminate but of course they aren't considering the emotional impact of that decision.

Adagoo · 03/07/2011 10:13

YANBU to expect emotional support from your family.

I hope they come round soon. Good luck.

BooBooGlass · 03/07/2011 10:15

Have you considered the impact 2 more dc will have on the children you already have? You are probably already spread pretty thinly with regards to time and energy, not to mention space.

Peachy · 03/07/2011 10:17

It is never OK to palce any level of expectation or pressure on someone when making the decision of whether to continue with a pregnancy.

Annd IMO emotional support should be what famillies do, though IME not always the case.

You need to make your decision based on whether you can go it alone; eveything offed after that is a bonus.

Karbea · 03/07/2011 10:20

Can you and your husband afford them? You can't expect family to support you, if you need help with childcare you could employ a part time nanny.

BluddyMoFo · 03/07/2011 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsies · 03/07/2011 10:25

Do you really think a single parent is likely to be able to afford a part time nanny? I struggle with my own childcare (husband away mon-fri) and sadly we can't afford a part-time nanny. Very few people can but oh how lovely it would be...

bigTillyMint · 03/07/2011 10:26

5 children is a helluva lot to take on as a single parent with no support.

I am guessing that you are quite far on with your pregnancy. Is a termination really still an option?

DogsBestFriend · 03/07/2011 10:26

Karbea, the OP is a LONE PARENT who has stated that the support she was promised and hoped for is emotional, not practical.

nickschick · 03/07/2011 10:30

karbea read the bloody ops posts before commenting.

MigratingCoconuts · 03/07/2011 10:32

Belini, YANBU and the decision to keep children or terminate is such an emotional one to make that no one should tell you that you are right or wrong. It is entirely your choice Smile

YANU to expect families to support, that is what families are for and certainly what they used to do for each other much more than they do today.

I wish you well for the future, its going to be tough, your elder children will benefit from learning to take more responsibility. Good luck Wink

PrettyMeerkat · 03/07/2011 10:32

You can never possibly be unreasonable to not want to terminate your babies!

Congratulations! Smile

BooBooGlass · 03/07/2011 10:33

Migrating coconuts, what do you mean by her older dc learning to take more responsibility? It's not them choosing to have more babies?