AIBU to want to keep my twins even though I am SP to 3 already

[Belini]

I am single parent to 3 boys 12, 5, 4 and am pregnant with twins. I was booked for a termination after long discussions with parents they said they would support me in whatever decision I made. So I decided to continue with pregnancy. Now parents and sisters and friends all say they think I am making a mistake. AIBU to 1. Want to keep my twins and 2. Be annoyed that everyone said they would be supportive until I make a decision they don't like. Much thanks and please don't hold back honest advice needed xx

Depends what kind of support the parents thought they were offering, and how much they do already. They might have meant that whatever the decision made, they wouldn't blame or offer negative opinions about, rather than meaning they'd be on hand for co-parenting.

But they are offering negative opinions about her decision - 'Now parents and sisters and friends all say they think I am making a mistake.'

Maybe the reality has dawned on them as to exactly how difficult it is all going to be. I think they should stick by their original statement of being supportive, but OP needs to start thinking of the practicalities of the next few years and how she is going to manage.
That includes getting both fathers to realise that parenting is a 50/50 split, and that contraception is the responsibility of both partners.

space is prob always going to be an issue but in regards to attention i would say that would be down to parental priorities. learning how to be a good and effect parent to that many children ie cooking in bulk and not worrying if you havent hoovered in 2 days. i would say that if the effort was made to make sure that all children were given the right amount of attention it wouldnt be so much of a problem. going to be trick at first with the baby's but getting the older children involved will help.

You could also use the next few months, as someone else has already said, to make sure your older children are doing age appropriate helping around the house. The 12 year old should cope with things like hoovering, dusting, washing up/dishwasher stacking, changing their bed and the ability to make basic meals (obviously not every day) or heat up and serve pre made meals. For the four year old, having a good go at dressing and putting their toys away, and the five year old can do that and help his brother. It would be unfair to put too much onto them but I think most of us put too little onto our DC in terms of helping, and you can't afford to now.

TheSecondComing, the three older children presumably have another place to go (their father's). The single parent thing means it is a different situation - possibly more pressured when they're with their mother but different when they're with their father.

my 11 yr old does hoovering etc when she wants to earn extra money i do not think there is any thing wrong with that. its important that she learns how to tidy up when my other son and daughter are old enough they will do it to and as she gets a bit older she will do washing up and i will teach her how to cook and she will cook for us, so that when she moves out she is not leaving with absolutely no idea how to look after herself.

We have a newborn and 2 ds aged 5 and 6 and Dh and i are absolutely stretched to the limit! We've managed so far because while I breastfeed dh runs after the boys. Your 4 and 5 year olds still need you so much. Speak to their dad, is there Amy way he could do the school run for you or come round most evenings to cook, bathe them and help with homework? Make sure he does his fair share, especially while you're pregnant and probably tired. Good luck and BTW tell the twins dad to grow a pair!

YANBU for wanting to keep your own children at all.

I assume by support you just mean you want them to support your decision and not pressure you into the abortion now?

Encouraging someone to get an abortion when they dont want to could haunt them forever - so its sick in my opinion.

With twins you also need a plan for what you'll do if one or both of the twins needs a couple of weeks in hospital after the birth - it's a significant possibility IME.

Realistically, did you expect your family to tell you to have an abortion?

Perhaps they're annoyed at your carelessness and worried about the huge impact on your children...not to mention they might be wondering how you're going to financially support them all?

So if they think you're making the wrong decision, it's because they were hardly likely to encourage you to have an abortion as that's not their place...despite their obvious misgivings.

I did housework at 12 as one of 3! Twice a week we each had our assigned cleaning task as both my parents worked. It kept the place liveable. My mother also cleaned. She helped with the housework with her her brothers as her parents both worked. We also did the washing up/dishwasher. From about 10 we were responsible for changing our beds. I'm not talking about handing everything over to the 12 year old, that would be deeply unfair, I'm saying that the 12 year old should contribute to the housework.

YNBU - You can do it you know.
You had your eldest lad at a really young age and coped and got him to this age alive so you know you can do it. It will be hard but its not impossible.
My Gran, had 5 kids, an older one, a 5 and 4 yr old and newborn twins just like you (I read your profile) she coped, and as a farm workers wife was expected to work in the fields full time too. Mind you I think she had ADHD really.

Mine all do less than they probably should but don't mind helping - the older ones have chores to do in return for their pocket money. I have a younger one who like to help by dusting one of the dogs

my 8 yr old likes to go crazy with the cilit bang.

Sorry this may sound jumbled but just to put a couple of posters in the picture my parents are only watch my children if I am at dentist or doctors they never help day to day nor would I remotely expect them to. My boys are very good and can all dress themselves and all tigy up after themselves I am their mum not their housekeeper I would obviously need some practicle support with dc during labour and if the twins were prem but am not looking for parents sisters friends or dc to ''co-parent' I discussed the situation with my family because I was very emotional and was struggling to come to a decision thankyou for all your coments andyour honesty xx

I am with TheSecondComing. It's one thing to ensure kids clean up their own mess and learn age appropriate skills as a lead into independence, but quite another to be forced into the role of "drudge". As a kid, I witnessed several older kids of large sibling groups being made to take a disproportionate amount of responsibility for chores/care of younger kids.

Have you thought about the practical side of things OP?

Can you afford to look after them?

Will you be able to manage work and home life?

What is the child care like in your area?

I hate to say this, but have you been checked for any sexual diseases?

Do you know this man's medical history?

Lots of things to consider here...and I've only just read your other thread and realised your parents haven't known about this pregnancy for very long so perhaps they're in shock?

26 with a 13 year old son?
OP, did you have your first child at 13?

what difference does that make goblin?

Just that she's already gone through a lot, and is probably a lot tougher that I am. If she's managed to get this far with her family intact and happy and supported, then I'm beginning to think she really can manage twins as well.
But she needs to sort out the second father so that he supports his children in the same way that the first one does.

'I think it's irresponsible to encourage her to do something that most couples would struggle with,let alone single mums of 5.'

I would totally agree with you if she was posting that she was a single mum of four and wanted to have another baby. But the deed is done. She's pregnant. I am 100% pro choice, and she's chosen. For someone who feels the way she does ie wants to continue the pregnancy to abort is a recipe for terrible sadness and bad mental health. It wasn't a good idea to get pregnant, but she is. Now it's about how to cope. Number one on my list of priorities would be getting my tubes tied after the birth. But the OP can't turn back the clock and can't have an abortion.