AIBU to want to keep my twins even though I am SP to 3 already

[Belini]

I am single parent to 3 boys 12, 5, 4 and am pregnant with twins. I was booked for a termination after long discussions with parents they said they would support me in whatever decision I made. So I decided to continue with pregnancy. Now parents and sisters and friends all say they think I am making a mistake. AIBU to 1. Want to keep my twins and 2. Be annoyed that everyone said they would be supportive until I make a decision they don't like. Much thanks and please don't hold back honest advice needed xx

I have twin boys now 2 1/2 I had to have a c-section (no driving for 4-6 weeks) and was left in hosp on my own to deal woth twins as hospital was understaffed we also have an older girl the first 3 months or so are completley exhausting i am lucky my Dh helped with night feeds/changes it is pretty much constant.
Have you got a surestart centre near you? They can put you in touch with HOMESTART - i had a bloody fantastic lady Elaine come to see me twice a week (they volunteer) she would sit and play with DD while i had time to shower/tidy up/eat;) or even after a few months i felt safe enough to let her take the boys for a walk in their pram. Just knowing someone was comming on tuesday / friday helped he hugely my family although EVERYONE offered help when i was pregnant - no 'help' materalised ITs hard and very challenging but you can do it - if you WANT to - do check out the surestart centres as they do offer a lot of play groups/support and advice...
Good luck to you and your children

HomeStart are wonderful and as an ex employee (note employee not the ones doing the free slog) it is gratifying to hear about it. Absolutely agree they should eb able to help.

I don;t know where you are bellini, if it happens t be SE Wales am happy to help with baby / child care. Know that's highly unlikely but many people are happy to help if they know you need it. I guess making community links is key?

Local colleges might have trainees who want to practice on babies. They coild help.

Now I have visions of babies with dodgy perms.

Perhaps not unreasonable, if I found I was "accidentally" pregnant with twins I know I'd want to keep them.

However I'd need to weigh up the other stuff, the quality of life (financially and emotionally) for the whole family.

I'd probably realise that wanting to go ahead with the pregnancy was putting my short-term emotional needs ahead of my family's long-term stability and well-being and in the long-run, isn't being a parent about making not being able to put yourself/your wants first at all times.

If you are the sort of person who can't bear to terminate a pregnancy you really need to take much greater care with contraception.

Is the father able to offer financial support ?

I know its going back a bit now but, prettymeercat, that's exactly what I mean and I am quite frankly shocked at the number of posters who think older children are too precious to take some responsibility for themselves and others in the family.

Riven is right, too many leave home unable to cook and clean. I have a responsibilty to any DIL of the future to ensure that my DS knows how to look after himself.

I have seen older children do very well with this kind of family support network and I strongly feel strong extended family networks have been lost over recent generations.

Riven.

If you can afford them then keep them, what an awful situation OP.

Of course yanbu to keep your twis-it is a brave decision and I am sure your family will support you.It is an awful situation for you to be in but I believe that your right to choose gives you the absolute right to choose life for your babies.
Good luck to all of you.

I'd have an abortion...get myself on the pill & look after the 3 kids I have.

5 kids & all on your own......c-c-c-c-crazy

Hope it all works out for you

If you've had a hard start in life yourself OP isn't it time you gave yourself a break ? There is more to life than having children, why put yourself through the hard years, you've done your bit so early on, when do you get to have your fun ?

Yanbu and no one has the right to tell you that it is a mistake to keep your twins.

I sincerely hope that the people on this thread who have said that they don't want any more children and would have an abortion if they got pregnant have themselves and/or their husbands on the waiting list to get sterilised if they haven't been already. I doubt it though

I'm really stunned at some of the 'have an abortion because it's cheaper than raising them' responses on this thread. Especially as the op has said she wants to keep them. Nasty.

I am stunned too.

Behind this thread is a real person, with two lives growing inside her.

I cant believe how casually people say 'abort'. That is hugely irresponsible and the attitude towards sacred human life saddening.

'I cant believe how casually people say 'abort'. That is hugely irresponsible and the attitude towards sacred human life saddening.'

Some people do chose to terminate due to financial reasons.

It doesn't make them bad people who don't value human life.

She has decided she wants to keep them ALREADY

Why encourage an abortion?

I have no idea. I guess some people are saying that they would do in her circumstances, for some reason.

It's a woman's choice, but some do terminate because they cannot afford it and that does not make them bad people.

The reasons some people cite for the abortion are so causal- to have some fun? Geez.

I think you would be completely crazy to take any decision based on the views of a bunch of strangers on the internet who've never even met you, let alone the person you might be in 5 or 10 years time. We can't possibly know what is possible or not possible for you; all we can do is extrapolate from how we would feel, and we are not you: everybody has their own individual breaking point.

I can think of some people, myself included who have taken decisions about our lives that must have looked totally loonie from an outside pov, but have been right for us because of the people we were. You really have to decide for yourself- best of luck with what you do decide on!

You should definately have and keep your twins. Things will be tough at first, but as an experienced mum you will cope. Do get help from homestart or surestart too, if you can. Congratulations on your pregnancy BTW!
One day those twins will be responsible grown ups, working and paying taxes, and making a valuable contribution to society.
How is it some pro abortion people bang on about the burden to society if you need financial support initially, yet conveniently forget the majority of the life of the unborn children have (assuming in good health with average lifespan) will be spent earning money and paying taxes so in the longrun they benefit society more than they take out financially at the beginning.

Pro abortion people? Supporting a woman's right to chose, for whatever reason she feels, to terminate a pregnancy is pro-abortion.

Nice.

People talking about the taxpayer as a factor in this decision can go fuck themselves. Sorry, but if you seriously think someone should abort just for that reason then you disturb me most profoundly, and at least if you fuck yourselves there is no risk of your troubling the gene pool further. (Though admittedly I'm not that good on reptilian reproduction; cold-blooded creatures may produce asexually for all I know. If so, consider my advice withdrawn.)

OP, there's a multiple births and families thread on MN and I think popping over there for experienced wisdom and advice might be a plan. Honestly, I'm a decade older than you and twins would kill me from lack of sleep alone - you have youth on your side! And you've coped with things that would break many people already, and above all, you've made your decision. Obviously this isn't ideal or how you planned life to be, but it's the situation, soo I think the plan now should be how to set up support systems that will make things manageable for you, going forward. If you can get your littlies to stay over at their Dad's a couple of schoolnights a week well before the twins arrive, so they don't connect the two, they'll get more sleep before school and you'll have less frantic mornings. Surestart and Homestart sound great too. And I think TAMBLA might be able to offer assistance in terms of discounts etc. Also, LIFE (the anti-abortion charity) would fall over themselves to offer you free baby clothes and equipment and supportive ears etc - I disagree with their position, being staunchly pro-choice, but they are very strong on helping women in crisis pregnancies which I can respect. They are in effect making it more of a choice for women who lack support.

Is the babies' father in employment? I hope so. If he can't man up enough to be a father, he can at least contribute financially. And I also hope that once they're here and real little people he may change his tune. You can't rely on it, obviously, but stranger things have happened and lots of men play the "don't want to know" card to apply pressure to abort.

Hang on in there. Your kids are at least schoolage, so this could be worse.

YANBU. You are a single parent already, you know what is expected of you... You will find a way to cope and I hope your twins bring you all lots of love and joy as well as the hard work!
I am also a single parent, 39 years old, 2 DS, one nearly 5 and one 12 weeks! Different fathers. One a pill/condom/morning after pill failure... and the second a condom and morning after pill failure... sounds AWFUL but truly, I am incredibly lucky and I don't regret my decision to keep my babies for a SECOND. I too sat with my parents on both occasions to discuss my 'options'... They are not in a position to help me a lot, and I don't expect them to... but when they can they do.
It's been incredibly hard especially as I really thought that by now I would be happily married to the father of DS2 but, he turned out to be a frog not a prince. He is supporting me financially and sees his son between feeds and will obviously have him more as he gets older. DS1's dad has disappeared in a puff of smoke but I do have contact with his family.... they live a fair way away. I have no emotional support from either father.
I have been judged, I knew I would be, it hurts. Particularly as I had a great career before and worked very hard long hours for many years... now I work long hard hours and am permanently washing clothes...!!! but I'm getting into a routine now and it's getting easier. I have lost friends and realised who my true friends are.
I wish you lots of luck!! :)

NO WAY - YANBU to want to keep these babies and anyone who tells you otherwise is!!!

perfect storm I agree with every word of your post.