AIBU to think that 11 year old primary school children do not need this level of sex education?

[ZhenXiang]

Friends DS came home with a leaflet that had been handed out at school (aimed at girls, but he took it because of the content). It contained:

-Advice telling the girls to get a mirror and examine their genital area plus -picture of said area
-Information about discharge and STI's
-Information about going further with your boyfriend and masturbation
-Advice about contraception
-Advice and information about homosexual relationships
-Pictures of people in fairly intimate positions
-Information telling children that if they tell a doctor or a teacher that they are having sex that they are not allowed to tell their parents

Given that the law is that children should not be having sex until 16 and that this is a primary school I was a bit shocked that this information was being handed out without the parents knowledge. I would expect that this sort of content would be dealt with in secondary school in year 8 or 9 (that was when we had it when I was at school).

What do you think?

Yes, complete bollocks. If you notice, all the reports talk about "children aged 5-11" but don't specify hwhich age groups have used the resources cited.

Remember as well, that there are very active Chirstian Right campaigners who are opposed to sex education in schools at all - and they are slways behind these periodic fits of media hysteria.

drivingmisscrazy- I didn't mean that losing your virginity at 13 was the right age, far from it! What I meant was that teenagers nowdays are having sex younger, whether we like it or not...I think it's down to the sexualisation of mainstream culture. So to not educate them about it would be a mistake IMO. If they're going to do it, at least we can make sure that they are safe and know the risk of disease etc.

dd is in yr6 and quite a few of them have boyfriends/girlfriends and some have even snogged! A lot of them appear to be 11 going on 16 (even if emotionally they are not). Some of the girls are proper woman size (and proportioned).

I think if you have an 8/9 yr old or under, you honestly would not believe how quickly girls grow between say 11-13. I know we all did but it's so easy to forget. I look at dd now (10 but in yr6) and she is virtually the same size as me and shoe size etc. She grew 3 shoe sizes in one year this last year.

it is far better to have them prepared than not. If they aren't ready for it, they will just absorb it when they are ready. Dd is already being mistaken for a 14/15 yr old. I've had lots of chats with her at home so she knows all this stuff but I can't see the harm in going through it at school.

no reason why he should learn the sensible truth, when he can pick it up from playground rumour and sketches on toilet walls

(I am not serious)

"If it's not true, then it should not be reported."

Well, quite. But that doesn't stop them.

The thing is, it's sort of true. The mateirla is in the primary school curriculum, so statements like " this mateiral is aimed at children between 5-11" are strictly true - if misleading. Fodder for the Fundies.

excuse my rage

"Given that the law is that children should not be having sex until 16"

It's also the law that you are not allowed to rob banks or park on double yellow lines. But people do it all the time.

Your child is not allowed to drive a car until 17, or a moped until 18. Would you prevent them seeing a copy of the highway code until then, so it would all be unknown territory, and they would retain their innocent ignorance of road safety? Especially when you know that the first time they get their hands on a steering wheel there will (almost certainly) be no professional adult with them?

Keep em in the dark and feed em bullshit, just like mushrooms.

I don't believe they should be told so much, it ruins their childhood.

Bullet - indeed, point taken. I agree that it's not necessarily desirable but given earlier maturity and aggressive sexualisation of culture more generally, more than likely to happen.

Men and boys started taking a sexual interest in me when I was 11/12, which I found horrifying, embarassing, and a little bit interesting too. Glad I was a bit prepared with most of the important facts. We did have some sex education at school in year 6, not as comprehensive as the list above. My reaction to imagining actual sex acts at that age was "yuck" though.

There is a lot of hysteria about this in the press but the facts seem to be as follows:

Since the 1950s girls are starting their periods on average three months earlier. Boys' voices break on average 4 months earlier.

Breast development however used to begin on average at 11.5. Now the average is about 9.8 - seems out of proportion to the figure for menstruation as the two are supposed to be related.

But...what is interesting is the suggestion that in some studies the observed "breasts" were just a excess weight from being a bit tubby.

moreintelligentlife.com/content/ideas/fiona-neill/puberty-blues

Actually on the FPA website it is on the page for professionals working with children 11 or above. So entirely age-appropriate. OP - I'd be asking why the boys haven't been given their booklet

Having just looked at the leaflet, you've entirely misrepresented it in the OP.

The 'information on going further with your boyfriend' you cite tells young women to dump boys that pressurise them into having sex if they don't want to; only have sex when you want; sex is pleasurable if you're with the right partner at the right time.

What's wrong with that exactly?

It worries me that sexual knowledge is an indicator of abuse in children and yet some in my children's school appear to be more knowledgeable than me due to older siblings, the lines are going to get pretty blurred.

Jeez - I'm crapping myself about this in our house now. 11 is so young :(

Oh yeh the leaflet said for over 12's so on that point YANBU.

I am 46. My best friend at (my very expensive private) school lost her virginity at 12 and got pregnant at 13 because she was so bloody ignorant.

Is it better that young girls get pregnant or remain ignorant?

Sorry but I am feeling out of my depth on this thread.

Our DS1 is in Yr 6 and going to senior school in September. I am openly talking to him about sex and issues surrounding it but also telling him to wait until he is emotionally ready and that means being a proper adult.

However, from what he is saying it is girls at his school that seem to want to have boyfriends, wearing makup, dressing and behaving in an 'adult' way. Quite a few posts on here seem to be accepting this as normal and saying that sexual activity is part of life at 13/14.

I just don't want this for DS1 at a young age. Does anybody agree? Has anyone any advice on how to equip young people like DS1 to resist this tidal wave? I know children/teens are more grown up than we were but I stll dont think it is right for anyone under 16 to be involved in a sexual relationship.

Disclaimer: I went to a boys boarding school and literally didnt talk to a girl between age 12 and 17.

I'm all for children being taught about biology, consent, emotions and how to deconstruct the over-sexualised world around them.

However, I would have liked to have been able to have advance knowledge of some of the more graphic stuff my children were given at primary school, so that I could have talked with them about it in a slightly more meaningful way.

One magazine they got hold of in Year 6 from the local PCT had some very poorly written uncontextualised descriptions of young women getting drunk, vomiting and having their knickers removed for forceful sex. I just thought the piece was unintelligent and sensationalist, and removed from any kind of meaningful advice or context, like it was written in the final five minutes of a group 'brainstorming' session on a Friday afternoon at 3.55pm. I would have liked to have rejected that on the grounds of quality.

not much chance of teaching a teenage boy to resist this "tidal wave" if a pretty girl takes an interest in him

though more likely they will be trying to get an older boy.

Flisspaps is right.

All children need all of this information. And they need it a hell of a lot earlier than 11.

11 is too late to be teaching children about their genitals, too late to teach about menstruation. Too late to learn that no means no, too late to learn that they should not do anything that they feel pressured to do.

Sex education should be thorough, it should be taught at a younger age, and it should be compulsory.

Also, you have an obligation to teach this stuff at home. Running around bleating about how they are too young doesn't prevent pregnancy.

MoreBeta, I think the point most are making is that it really doesn't make much difference what our opinions are about the morals/ethics whatever, or whether its what we want for our children, we have to face up to the facts that it does happen. Someone above made the point that theres little use acting as if we have what we want, we have to act within the reality of what really happens.

That said, I think the very best way to keep our children from having sex too early is to educate them and to bolster their confidence in saying NO. It isn't inevitable that they'll all be doing it, they won't. And in my experience, its the ones who have sensible parents, who are open with their families, who respect themselves and others...who are less likely to be persuaded into things they aren't ready for. So, personally, thats what I'm going to try and do for my children in the hopes of keeping them safe.

MoreBeta - I don't think it's a fact of life at all. I think the advice for boys is the same as for girls - don't feel pressurised into going further than you want, there's no requirement to have sex, only have it when it feels right with the right partner (and hopefully that will be a bit older).

But I think hoping that your children won't have sex if they're not told about it is utterly stupid

Give your children, especially p[ubescent children, all the information you can give them. I knew about sexual intercourse at 7, as do my dcs, it didn;t mean that I thought putting a penis inside a vagina was the most disgusting thing I'd ever heard and waited until I was 17 to do it.

Wasn't the most disgusting thing ever.

And I thought masturbation was not something girls did and thought I was abnormal for even considering it.

Oh and waht's wrong with a child actually knowing what's between their own legs?