AIBU to think that 11 year old primary school children do not need this level of sex education?

[ZhenXiang]

Friends DS came home with a leaflet that had been handed out at school (aimed at girls, but he took it because of the content). It contained:

-Advice telling the girls to get a mirror and examine their genital area plus -picture of said area
-Information about discharge and STI's
-Information about going further with your boyfriend and masturbation
-Advice about contraception
-Advice and information about homosexual relationships
-Pictures of people in fairly intimate positions
-Information telling children that if they tell a doctor or a teacher that they are having sex that they are not allowed to tell their parents

Given that the law is that children should not be having sex until 16 and that this is a primary school I was a bit shocked that this information was being handed out without the parents knowledge. I would expect that this sort of content would be dealt with in secondary school in year 8 or 9 (that was when we had it when I was at school).

What do you think?

I was taken out I school at a young age.

When I asked about sex I was old

Don't be silly know one will want to have sex with you
And that was that

I was pregnant at 16 and my sister who was also taken out of school was pregnant at 19
No shocker their

Ignorance is not bliss.

Stuck in the middle with you the data you referenced is wrong teenage pregnancy has fallen since 1990 when it was 68 conceptions per 1000 girls, but it has remained at between 42 and 48 conceptions per 100 girls for the last ten years despite increasing levels of sex education link here. It rose in the 80's following falls in the 1970's.

Sex Ed in a relationships sense (i.e. that which is not in the Science part of the National Curriculum) is not compulsory and parents have a right to withdraw their child see here.

Despite sex ed this article from 2006 states that 38% of the 16-24 year olds interviewed do not always use a condom, 1 in 10 said they didn't have any sex ed and 3/4 said it was basic, I had sex ed in the last 15 years and it wasn't basic so is the education we give them really going in anyway? Only 30% of those 16-24 year olds lost their virginity before age of consent, so 13 can not be the average age for loss of virginity as only 4% lost virginity before 14.

Really looking forward to my boy getting sex ed I have been speaking to him about this for years we started off at four with the correct names for the body parts and moved on from their.

Why are children of 14 having sex though.? Mostly because if I remember being 14 because there is an expectation that it is OK or because it what you do if you love someone. I fancied quite a few boys between the ages of 9 and 16.
Holland has low teenage pregnancy rates because amongst other things they have a strong Protestant stance that makes under age sex a no no.
Not that I have any religious views but if you see sex everywhere it needs a counterbalance that says its not appropriate to have sex until you know what you are doing.
I also think it's daft lumping all sex together.
Maybe heavy petty and blow jobs have risks but intercourse does the real damage.In my world, messing around when your hormones kick in -10 years onwards should see you through until you are an adult.How about a no intercourse till you're 16 message from everyone.Promoting safe sex is fine but teenagers just don't think it applies to them. Every child will have a near miss on the roads no matter how often you drill them about road safety.

Ds is 9 and by the questions he asks me it's very obvious there is a lot of talk about sex in the playground. He asks me and I tell him the truth put him straight as a lot of it is misinformed nonsense

He's known about the basics since about 7 and recently about condoms,terminations,masturbation and wet dreams.

He asks, I answer.

It's a good job there ARE leaflets and sex ed in schools because an awful lot of parents will wait until THEY think the child is ready which can be far too late!

Information is power and if you have all the facts you are far more likely to make proper choices. Just because you talk to your child about sex it does not mean it's the end of their child hood - it should be part of it.

faverolles - ".. at what point does this become important for boys to learn?"

DS1 age 11 has been told it by me already several times and will keep telling him. That and making sure you get a proper consent and being aware of the law about the age of consent is the most important thing in my view.

boys understanding about consent is absolutely critical for their own well-being, as well as that of the girls that they might sleep with

justonemorethen I remember watching a documentary about a town in Texas (I think, was a while ago) the area was very vocal about no sex til marriage etc etc and lots of teens swearing to keep themselves pure. All well and good............ except there was a frighteningly large number of STI's passed on by anal sex - as that wasn't seen as real sex!

I don't think it is wise to judge what is going on in sex education from one leaflet. I don't know what is taught about sex (other than the Science curriculum) in DS's secondary school, but I do have confidence in the school based on what he has done in PHSE on other topics.

Some of the concepts mentioned by the OP should be known about by children not just for reasons of their own sexual health. AIDS is a huge issue in some parts of the world, and I would expect an 11 year old to sometimes watch the news and be aware of that situation.

If children are arriving at Primary school totally unaware of what homosexuality is, that is a failing on the part of the parents. They should be taught about it in reception, by looking at books like 'All sorts of Families' - although it is unfortunate for schools that this is yet another basic social skill they are having to teach because parents haven't bothered. Something has gone very wrong if children are being introduced to the concept of homosexuality at 11.

If it were feasible, I'd move to The Netherlands, they have got it bang on.

i discussed this with some girlfriends who have slightly older girls (my son was 8 at the time). They were shocked that I had tried to answer his question about sex (have to admit I was glad that we only got so far before he said, 'ewww, TMI'). They thought it was totally unnecessary and practically 'wrong' to discuss sex at this age even when your child has explicitly asked you the question.

I think maybe explicitness is what is needed to put kids off from experimenting too young actually.

If kids think it is all hearts and roses and a loving romantic thing, then it isnt quite as off putting.

LittleMiss - so how do The Netherlands deal with this compared to the UK? I've been interested in this as it's always the country that people hold up as the example we should be following?

squeaktoy you are right imo!

I've just read that leaflet and I think it's fine - apart from saying it won't hurt to use a tampon if you relax - not strictly true as depending on age you may not be developed yet. I remember trying and trying with tampons and it was so uncomfortable, then I hit 14 and was fine, nothing to do with relaxing, more to do with everything just being a bit bigger!

begonyabampot I remember that one and they all were havin oral sex instead and the pastors were telling them condoms have holes.

justonemorethen

I would not start going on about sex and religion we know what a mess the church has caused in Africa don't we now.

I believe one girl gets raped every few seconds and it has the worlds highest HIV epidemic yes well done church for simply telling people not to have sex.

Personally the church has not got a good recoded when it comes to sex weather it comes to child abuse, the Catholic homers for women of loose morals or the shameful way they allow aids to spread

I agree entirely with MrsKravitz. Teaching girls self esteem and the fact that they don't have to look/act like porn stars is VITAL. Yes of course they need to know the biology, my own kids know that from whenever they start asking, normally 3/4. The fact that girls don't value themselves and sleep with boys/men as a way of seeking positive affirmation is what needs to be changed. That is pretty much up to us parents to deal with. I consider it THE most important part of parenting a female teen.

No they wouldn't be having sex they would be smoke weed instead much better hmmmm

I've just read the online version of the leaflet in question,and I do beleive you are wilfully misrepresenting it. There is no advice about positions, or about homosexual relationships, for a start.

and it seems to be all about self esteem and understanding your own body, and saying no. Pretty good leaflet IMO.

I didn't say advice about positions, I said "Pictures of people in fairly intimate positions".

Pg 12 - 'I think I'm gay' is advice about homosexual relationships.

Oh and by providing the name and link to the leaflet I am allowing you to read it for yourself so not misrepresenting it at all. I personally think the crux here is whether parents were informed about the leaflet being given to their children. I think that it is first and foremost the parents responsibility and choice whether they give their child that information given that it is not covered in the KS2 SRE syllabus, and they should be given the chance to view the material and opt out as SRE, other than the science aspect, is not compulsory.

Maypole - you've lost me - you might be referring to another poster.

Regarding The Netherlands and their lower rate of pregnancy etc. What I understood is that it's actually quite a conservative country (outside Amsterdam) where family and community is very important and self respect etc instilled - not that's it's down to education alone. Always wondered what the stats were regarding age for first time sex, losing virginity, teen pregnancy etc. be curious to know the truth - any Dutch Mnetters?

Getting girls to examine their own genitals with a mirror and knowing that vaginal discharge is normal and that sometimes it might not be?

I have a DD and a DS. My son is wince-makingly familiar with his body parts and what they are so-far capable of because they are on the outside and accessible and also because culturally, exploration is accepted, as it should be.

He is only four so it will be a long while before he is armed and dangerous so to speak but I don't see why my DD should be ignorant about her body now that she is eleven.

My own sister has had two children and still doesn't know that menstrual blood and babies emerge from a different orifice than urine and she is thirty-seven.

Off to read the leaflet now.

"Information telling children that if they tell a doctor or a teacher that they are having sex that they are not allowed to tell their parents"

Not sure about that at all though. Surely SS or the police SHOULD be told if a child was of primary age and parents informed during the course of an investigation.

DD (9) had The Talk last month. She informed me that her (sweet, young, male) teacher talked about babies growing "but when we asked how they started he didn't say anything about sex he just said that grown ups have 'a special cuddle'". Bless, I had no idea that anyone could still refer to 'special cuddles' in the 21st century with a straight face; possibly it's a National Curriculum approved phrase, because shagging is outside the scope of the Year 4 syllabus.

ZX Why the shocked face? Isn't that perfectly sound advice?