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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 11 year old primary school children do not need this level of sex education?

214 replies

ZhenXiang · 15/06/2011 21:02

Friends DS came home with a leaflet that had been handed out at school (aimed at girls, but he took it because of the content). It contained:

-Advice telling the girls to get a mirror and examine their genital area plus -picture of said area
-Information about discharge and STI's
-Information about going further with your boyfriend and masturbation
-Advice about contraception
-Advice and information about homosexual relationships
-Pictures of people in fairly intimate positions
-Information telling children that if they tell a doctor or a teacher that they are having sex that they are not allowed to tell their parents

Given that the law is that children should not be having sex until 16 and that this is a primary school I was a bit shocked that this information was being handed out without the parents knowledge. I would expect that this sort of content would be dealt with in secondary school in year 8 or 9 (that was when we had it when I was at school).

What do you think?

OP posts:
fearnelinen · 15/06/2011 21:29

Firstly I would be very surprised if the school had not given the parent an opportunity to view the material beforehand as that is standard (albeit best practise, but I've never seen otherwise) policy in England. Therefore it's too late to complain once said child is holding the leaflet.

Secondly, it's fine. The earlier we talk to our DCs about sex, the less nonsense fills their heads. Kids talk and I'd far rather DS knows the truth from me and the school in a reasoned and responsible way than it gets glamourised in the playground.

My sex ed consisted of my mum telling me where I could find a book that I ought to read (I didn't bother), my school telling me that chinese parents had chinese children Hmm and my brother telling me that having sex with a condom on is eating a mars bar with the wrapper on Shock

TBH, no-one should have been surprised when I fell pregnant at 17.

Talk about it with your DCs now, before someone else does.

Original poster
ZhenXiang · 15/06/2011 21:30

Biological facts I have no problem with, it is just the level that this booklet goes too, they don't do the biology of making a baby in detail until Year 7 and this content is aimed at Year 8 children so why is the school handing this out without parent knowledge to Year 6 kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
ZhenXiang · 15/06/2011 21:31

Friend did not know about this booklet so no he had not been given a chance to view.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 15/06/2011 21:31

Giving facts is important. I don't think it is good to try to make sure children don't know the facts of life and bodily functions, or about the mechanics of sex and pregnancy and about personal safety and boundaries etc.

My problem is the way that information appears to be being given is not age appropriate and the focus is wrong.

I don't think that the choices are tell them nothing or give them a step by step account of how to masturbate and pictures inspired by the karma sutra! [slightly tongue in cheek emoticon]

You can give the required facts in an educational, non graphic way that is age appropriate and doesn't overwhelm children with so much sexual imagery.

But I am increasingly out of step with the rest of the country on this it seems.

I just think that the focus is wrong and there is a better, more neutral and age appropriate way to give the necessary facts.

fearnelinen · 15/06/2011 21:32

Really Zhen? The parents were not given an opportunity to view the material?

FrameyMcFrame · 15/06/2011 21:32

but what you have described are biological facts are they not?

Original poster
ZhenXiang · 15/06/2011 21:32

They cover menstruation in PHSE in Year 5 so that would not shock me, this is not about the information on periods which I think is relevant.

OP posts:
fearnelinen · 15/06/2011 21:33

Are you certain that the school had not invited our friend to learn about how they teach PSHE? Sorry to keep reiterating, but I see it so often that parents get all up in arms, when they had ample opportunity to have their say.

fearnelinen · 15/06/2011 21:33

your friend

Original poster
ZhenXiang · 15/06/2011 21:34

No biological facts are the sperm and egg make a baby etc..., not advice on going further with boyfriends.

OP posts:
MrsKravitz · 15/06/2011 21:35

When are they going to go about this the right way? Instead of leaping in and giving girls leaflets on "going further with my spotty boyfriend" they should be holding self esteem, empowerment and relationship classes for girls. (and boys)
Seriously. All for education and being informed but its not working this way. Clearly.

meditrina · 15/06/2011 21:35

I don't have any problems whatsoever with KS1 and Ks2 resources being used in primary schools - and the key points which posters are mentioning here are in the resource material for that age-group.

But I continue to think it is wrong to use the specified resource, which a body as experienced in this field as FPA, publishes with a 12+ guideline for KS3 and KS4.

Especially as the parallel "4Boys" leaflet wasn't given to the boys.

Original poster
ZhenXiang · 15/06/2011 21:35

He had a letter about sex education and an opportunity to view the video, but this was just being handed out he had no idea and this content is not in the Year 6 PHSE syllbus it is in the KS3 syllabus.

OP posts:
MoreBeta · 15/06/2011 21:37

ZhenXiang - while I understand your emotional response to the leaflet I also agree with begony as my son age 11 is coming home asking questions and it is clear the tone of discussion in the playground. I would rather he heard the biology, the facts, and important contextual information about seeking and giving consent, emotions and how good relationships work. They have just had 'the talk' at school so I guess it is a hot topic.

He asked about AIDS the other day. I suspect they have been talking about STD and perhaps even homosexuality. Where did childhood go?

MrsKravitz · 15/06/2011 21:37

I actually agree these are not the biological facts. They are sexual practices advice. Facts is a bit of anatomy and endocrine physiology with a bit of "this gies here, that goes there".

fearnelinen · 15/06/2011 21:37

But don't you think it is the emotional aspect of sex ed that is so often missed.

I want our young people to know what it means to be ready to go further. To equip them from early on with the knowledge that they can say no.

We have done so well in dealing with bullying, making it an insult to be called a bully and constantly striving to help victims to speak out. We need to do the same with relationships, young people need to learn to respect themselves and their bodies.

Whilst maybe not biological, I certainly see that info as essential.

sunshineandbooks · 15/06/2011 21:37

Surely we want our kids to know the facts about sex - including issues such as consent - BEFORE they start having sex and their judgement gets clouded by hormones and emotions. Given that I think the average age for a girl losing her virginity is 13 in this country, 11 sounds about right to me.

wineisfine · 15/06/2011 21:38

My 9 year old asked me what AIDS was - he'd heard about it from comic relief programming. So we talked about it.

He asked me what rape was - he'd heard the word at school. So we talked about that.

All my kids are well aware that men and women can love men or women (or both), and that such relationships have equal value to heterosexual ones.

But my 9 year old is a complete innocent, no interest in sex or naked people or any of that stuff. Kids in his year are already talking about fancying and shagging.

If information is presented sensitively I don't think it's too soon for knowledge.

FrameyMcFrame · 15/06/2011 21:38

eh? what on earth are you talking about MrsKravitz?

Kids of that age 11 and 12 are going to start going further than snogging with boyfriends whether they get leaflets or not.

Get real

sunshineandbooks · 15/06/2011 21:38

x posted. Smile

redexpat · 15/06/2011 21:39

What's wrong with that? You don't wait until your child is crossing the road to teach them how to do it safely, you do it before, and teach them how to manage the risk.

By the time we had our talk at school (Y10) a third of the class were no longer virgins.

And I was 24 before I knew you could get an STI from oral sex. Because no one ever told me.

A teacher friend of mine had a 12 year old in her class get pregnant.

meditrina · 15/06/2011 21:40

Do posters agree that the FPA knows what it's talking about on sex ed?

Because it's the FPA which has published this specific leaflet as a 12+ for use in KS3 and KS4.

I have no problems whatsoever with sex ed in primary schools, and would be very happy for the school to use the FPA under 11s material. But not these specified leaflets.

I wouldn't expect a primary school to be using KS3 material routinely in any part of the curriculm. And at any age I would be very cross that, when there are parallel gender specific resources only that for one sex is deployed.

MrsKravitz · 15/06/2011 21:40

framey I dont see the relevance of your post to mine. I didnt comment on whether or not children will do this, just on what the leaflets seem to be aimed at

FrameyMcFrame · 15/06/2011 21:41

'When are they going to go about this the right way? Instead of leaping in and giving girls leaflets on "going further with my spotty boyfriend" they should be holding self esteem, empowerment and relationship classes for girls. (and boys)
Seriously. All for education and being informed but its not working this way. Clearly.'

fearnelinen · 15/06/2011 21:41

Sorry meditrina but I do think OP has confirmed that that is the leaflet in question?