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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its pretty normal for a four year old to still need pull ups at night?

138 replies

ilovemikidz · 10/06/2011 10:14

i am a regular mnetter, my name is of a "foxy" variety usually Wink

but i have namechanged for this as i am asking on behalf of my lovely friend (who isnt a mnetter, but SHOULD be ;) ) as will be sending her a link to this thread. hello! at friend.

her DD, aged 4, was toilet trained about 2 years ago, she grasped it very quickly and has been dry in the day since then. she is a bright, clever, advanced little girl but my friend is worried that she isn't dry at night times as she is expecting a baby in the autumn.

her MIL and DH are, IMO, putting her under pressure a bit to get her DD dry at nights, saying she "should be" dry at nights now, well i think thats utter bollocks TBH, all kids are different.

and in any case, i seem to think that its less to do with how "advanced" or otherwise a DC is but something to do with a hormone/chemical that is released that enables children to become dry at night? am i right?

anyway, please could some of you lovely ladies re assure my friend that there is no need to stress and that its totally normal for a child this age to still wear pull ups at night. :)

OP posts:
M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:19

I don't know. My two boy dc are 3 and 4 and both dry day and night and have been since 2.5yr. Iv never had to use pull ups at night, a potty by their bed works fine, get them up for wee when me and dh go to bed. And they've not had an accident!!

Has your friend tried her dd without a pull up?

JustShootMeAlready · 10/06/2011 10:20

Absolute bollocks. My ds wasn't reliably dry at night untill he was almost 6. He would wet maybe 1 in 4 nights. 4 is still very young, still learning to control her body, and respond in time to her urges to go. DS is now 7 and I still need to remind him to go during the day. Tell your friend that her daughter will become dry in her own time. Take the pressure off the dd and it will all work out in the end.

PurveyorOfBaloney · 10/06/2011 10:21

You are right, control at night is related to the production of a certain hormone called Vasopressin. Until they produce this hormone then they are unlikely to have control. Nothing to do with being 'advanced' or not.

faverolles · 10/06/2011 10:24

My dd wasn't dry at night until a few months ago, and she's 8.
Your friend is doing fine. Keep on with the pullups.
Medically speaking, no doctor would be concerned at all about this until the age of 7. Perhaps she can tell her family this, as well as telling them firmly to back off. Added pressure isn't going to help anyone.
It'll happen when she's ready.

Original poster
ilovemikidz · 10/06/2011 10:26

Monalisa - yes she has, when she has tried her without one she has usually wet the bed :( so that to me suggests she isnt ready.

congrats on your boys being dry but lots of dc are nowhere near at that age.

and thank u purveyor, thats what i was looking for! x

OP posts:
NewYorkBellini · 10/06/2011 10:26

Hello lovely friend!

Yes it's completely normal Smile I think if your dd is still wet at night when she reaches 7ish then a trip to the GP might be in order but don't worry, i doubt it'll come to that. ilovemikidz is right, wetting at night is out of your dd's control, it's to do with a hormone thingy (technical term Wink ) that helps them have control at night.

My ds is 3 1/2 and has been dry during the day since he was 2. still in pull ups at night. very occasionally he'll have a dry nappy in the morning but this doesn't happen often. i'm not worried, it'll happen eventually! We are having to bribe him with biscuits not to wake up on a morning and do his first wee of the day in his pull up pants instead of the toilet Hmm but i think that's just him being a lazy boy!

LouMacca · 10/06/2011 10:26

My DS wasn't dry at night until he was 6. We did nothing different it just happened. Your friend should tell her In-laws to butt out, what the hell has it got to do with them?? Like you said OP all children are different.

borderslass · 10/06/2011 10:28

DD1 used to be lifted at night [before pull-ups] before we went to bed and still had the occasional accident until about 6, DD2 was dry day and night at 3 never had a single accident.She'll be dry at night in her own time.

SingingSands · 10/06/2011 10:29

It is awful when you are under fire from family to get kids dry day or night. It's not really something you can control!

I'm sure your friend is aware of all the little tips that float about between mums - drinking less before bedtime (cutting out that last bottle or cup of milk)

  • lifting for a wee when mum/dad goes to bed
  • keeping a potty beside bed
  • erm... sure there are others.

My sympathies for your friend - she needs to tell her family firmly that whilst it is not ideal that her DD still wets in the night, it is hardly the end of the world, it will not affect her future employment, and she is ONLY 4 YEARS OLD! It's not like there is a hidden switch located on her DD that she can turn off is there?!?!

MrsLevinson · 10/06/2011 10:31

My DD is nearly 4 and nowhere near dry at night. She seems to sleep too deeply to wake up when she needs to go. This thread is reassuring, and Purveyor that's very interesting, I hadn't heard of that.

CoffeeDodger · 10/06/2011 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/06/2011 10:33

4 seems OK to me to still be wearing pull-ups. I'm assuming they're soaking wet in the morning? The last thing she'll need with a new baby is to be changing wet sheets in the middle of the night too! Keep her dd in the pull-ups until she is dry in the mornings more often than not. Maybe if she's up during the night feeding the new baby when Autumn comes she could check and see if the pull ups are dry for most of the night - it could be just the first wee of the morning. It will sort out itself out in time and certainly isn't unusual, so it's not worth getting everyone stressed over.

Eowyn · 10/06/2011 10:34

My dd was wet at night till 5ish, very soggy nappies, it was advice on here that made a huge difference & that was no squash after 5pm, just water (which she drinks less of). Once she was used to being dry drinks were resumed & not a problem.

I wasn't terribly worried, just aware that there were younger children who were dry so felt some pressure...

mouseanon · 10/06/2011 10:35

Agree with all the above re the hormone thing. That is something that is totally out of their control and totally normal to still need pullups at night at 4. I don't think that is the issue with all children though. My DD wore pullups at night until she was 4. There had been a lot of upheaval for her so we left it until things were more settled and then decided to give it a go. She wet the bed every night for a week. Then I had a chat with her and explained that the idea was not to just wee in the bed, but to go to the toilet. D'oh! She is a very bright girl (honestly) but she somehow just hadn't realised. So after that (bar a few accidents) she was dry.

So I would say it's worth trying. Explain (very) carefully what is expected and how it will all work. Give it a couple of weeks and if it isn't working out she can always go back to pullups again, as long as it is handled carefully not to upset her.

I don't think that when Mum is pregnant is a great time for her to be dealing with lots of wet beds. Perhaps her DH and MIL would like to take charge of making sure the bedding all gets changed and washed as necessary? Hmmm?

shakey1500 · 10/06/2011 10:35

My ds is 4 and also wears pull ups at night. I'm not worried in the slightest (as others have confirmed, until that hormone kicks in). He's wet every morning, looks like he's gone several times!

He did stay at my mums a couple of months ago and dh forgot to pack a pull up so he went in just pants. According to her, he only "had a little dribble" and she said he was ready. Knowing my mum, that's an under exaggeration and her sheets were probably sopping. She rather chew her own arm off than admit that as she'd do anything to say "Yes, it was ME ME ME who toilet trained him at night..."

Sorry, slight tangent!

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/06/2011 10:36

BTW my son still had occasional wet beds at age 8 (about once evry 2 months) - usually when he was very tired. He used to be fast asleep in a soaking wet sheet and it never bothered him.

Stricnine · 10/06/2011 10:38

I go away on residential trips with our Brownies (aged 7-10) and it's not unheard for some of them to either wet the bed or to still require pull ups... tell your friend she'll get there in the end and not to stress it.... as long as there's nothing medically 'wrong' (ie an infection etc) then it will happen in time :)

allhailtheaubergine · 10/06/2011 10:42

My 5yo daughter is still in pullups at night. Occasionally she asks to go without and we have a few nights of soaked sheets and then go back to the nappies. She doesn't wake up. She doesn't have a clue.

Certainly not keen on the idea of limiting her liquid intake in the evening.

She'll get there in her own time

The only thing that annoys me is the slight disapproval I get from anyone who finds out she is still in nappies at night. Dd has already learned never to admit it to friends :(

CMOTdibbler · 10/06/2011 10:48

My ds is 5, and is in pull ups. He sleeps like the dead, and doesn't even wake in a wet bed. He'll do it in his own time

M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 10:53

I must have done something different to everyone!

My 2 dc have both been dry since 2.11yr not 2.d sorry!

But my DS1 has NEVER had an accident he wakes for the potyy in the night (downstairs loo so pottys best)

DS2 hasn't worn a nappy at night since he was 3 in march. That was accident tgough, dh put boys to bed, I was out and dh forgot to put nappy on, DS2 has refused ever since to have a nappy on (still have a few bagged in case)

They both wake for wee and get back in bed, no accidents.

whosthatlady · 10/06/2011 10:56

I think the main thing is that she's dry during the day in time for the arrival of the new baby - the night-time thing will happen in its own good time. As a nursing student on placement with school nurses I attended a clinic for children who wet the bed at night, and as was mentioned in an earlier post, they really aren't concerned until the child reaches about 7, and even then they had lots of strategies to help! There were lots of children who attended the clinic so it's obviously not that uncommon. Don't worry and enjoy your new baby!

JustShootMeAlready · 10/06/2011 11:16

No Monalisa, you didn't do anything different. It is the child, or specifically the development rate of the child that determines whether they will wet or not. I've already mentioned my DS1. DS2 is 3 and has been dry night and day for 6 months. I have done nothing differnent with him than with his brother, but they have developed at completely different rates.

OP, (and lovely friend, welcome! Do join us!) the general consensus is plain for everyone to see - wearing pull-ups at 4 is ABSOLUTELY normal!

M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 11:25

Arrr I understand that just shoot me already.

Tbh me and dh though ds2 would be a nightmare to pottytrain but he's taken to it like a duck to water, better than Ds1 infact!

allhailtheaubergine · 10/06/2011 11:26

You should write a book M0naLisa :)

JustShootMeAlready · 10/06/2011 11:29

I'm sure M0naLisa, but it just smacks a little of Stealth Boasting Wink

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