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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its pretty normal for a four year old to still need pull ups at night?

138 replies

ilovemikidz · 10/06/2011 10:14

i am a regular mnetter, my name is of a "foxy" variety usually Wink

but i have namechanged for this as i am asking on behalf of my lovely friend (who isnt a mnetter, but SHOULD be ;) ) as will be sending her a link to this thread. hello! at friend.

her DD, aged 4, was toilet trained about 2 years ago, she grasped it very quickly and has been dry in the day since then. she is a bright, clever, advanced little girl but my friend is worried that she isn't dry at night times as she is expecting a baby in the autumn.

her MIL and DH are, IMO, putting her under pressure a bit to get her DD dry at nights, saying she "should be" dry at nights now, well i think thats utter bollocks TBH, all kids are different.

and in any case, i seem to think that its less to do with how "advanced" or otherwise a DC is but something to do with a hormone/chemical that is released that enables children to become dry at night? am i right?

anyway, please could some of you lovely ladies re assure my friend that there is no need to stress and that its totally normal for a child this age to still wear pull ups at night. :)

OP posts:
Lollyheart · 10/06/2011 11:30

My ds1 also 4 is still in pull ups at night, my ds2, 2 and a half is dry day and night, they will do it when they're ready.
Ive done nothing different with both boys.

nancydrewfoundaclue · 10/06/2011 11:35

My oldest two were dry at 3. That's just the way it was. I don't believe you can train them to be dry at night you jyst wait until it happens.

Given that you can but dry night PJ things for 7 year olds I imagine pull ups for 4 year olds is very common.

Omigawd · 10/06/2011 11:37

Don't worry about it, ds2 took 5 years.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 10/06/2011 11:39

My ds is 4 in a few weeks and he's nowhere near ready to be dry at night!

FreakoidOrganisoid · 10/06/2011 11:40

DD is 5 and still in night nappies. She's asked to go without sometimes and has had a couple of dry nigths but most of the time she's wet. Has no idea she's doing it either and sleeps right through it (whereas 3yo ds will wake up and come crying to me if he wets the bed)

M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 11:41

Oh no I didn't mean it in that tone I meant it as though what happened to my kids bedwetting. For 4yrs I was dreading this potty training stage the wee the poos the wet beds and stale smell of wee iykwim? I was dreading it. But I found it easy and my two are young and ds1 is starting proper school in sept so things could go down hill I never know! Same with ds2 as he starts nursery in sept too. I wasn't being smug or trying to be smug!

Huffythetantrumslayer · 10/06/2011 11:41

Why is your friends dh putting pressure on her to sort it out? Is it not his dc too?

mumeeee · 10/06/2011 11:41

ilovemikidz It's completly normal for a 4 year old to still be in pull ups at night, In fact GP's donn't see it as a problem until a child is over 7, Being dry at night is completly different to being dry in the day.

M0naLisa · 10/06/2011 11:43

Also ds2 was a nightmare for pooing he would hold it in until he couldn't no more it was hard. I asked on here for rthe mr poo goes to pooland story which worked!but at the time thought he'd always be like it!

lovecorrie · 10/06/2011 11:45

My dd is 5 and a half and still in pull ups at night - I've posted in a worried manner about this before. My other two (one boy one girl) were both dry at night by 3 so i was really concerned, but she is absolutely fine in every other way so we are being very casual about it and just letting it happen in its own time.

cheesesarnie · 10/06/2011 11:46

ds2 is 5 and still needs pull ups at night.he doesnt just wee a bit,he wees alot.we tried no pull ups a while ago as he wanted to try but he just didnt wake or even notice that he was soaked.
not in slightest bit worried though.we also have family members who say he shouldnt be in pull ups at 5.dd and ds1 were 2 or 3 i think.

lovecorrie · 10/06/2011 11:48

dd is also soaking most nights, whether or not we restrict her drinking, ensure she 'goes' before bed etc. It's just one of those things!

yoshiLunk · 10/06/2011 11:52

I agree that it sounds like she's just not ready yet.

I would carry on with the pull-ups, make sure she goes to the loo just before bed and the minute she wakes, - my niece used to do a sneaky one first thing in the morning knowing full well she had pull-ups on and she could, - she just wasn't quite awake enough to be bothered to get up and go to the bathroom.

Just try every few weeks at bedtime saying 'lets see if they are dry in the morning, lets try' - if not, no big deal 'we'll try again another day' so she's not worried about it.

By the way I found the Tesco's Value pull-ups just as good as the brand names, and very much cheaper.

Pinkjenny · 10/06/2011 11:55

My dd is 4yo and not dry at night. Her nappy isn't soaking, but she is such a horrendous sleeper that I can't be arsed changing wet sheets on top of all her wakings. I am under some pressure from dh and my mum, but I just keep buying the pull ups.

coccyx · 10/06/2011 11:59

I think its quite unusual but all mine were night dry by 3.
Hate pull ups but not sure its very helpful to feel pressure to try and get a child dry overnight!
I would do usual things of reducing fluids before bed, wee before bed, and wee when parents go to bed if you want to.
No ones business but childs and parents, why do grandparents need to know??

PhishFoodAddiction · 10/06/2011 12:00

I'm just coming to realise that it is pretty normal for a 4 year old to need pull ups at night.

I've been fretting over DD1 who (after being dry at night for just under a year) started wetting the bed again.

I really thought she was the only one, until I talked to some of the other mums at school and realised that lots of the 3/4 year olds aren't dry at night.

EmmaBemma · 10/06/2011 12:03

My daughter sounds really similar to your friend's, OP - she pretty much toilet trained herself (never needed a potty) at just over 2 years old but still isn't dry at night. We've tried twice, each time the first night she was dry but she hardly slept! And each time it went downhill from there until she was wetting the bed twice a night.

I don't know whether it's 'normal' but I know my daughter isn't the only one among her chums who still wears pull-ups.

justGetEmOut · 10/06/2011 12:04

They're dry when they're ready to be dry.

Ds1 was a text book 'dry day and night at 2' baby. I was a smug git.

ds2 was still in pull ups at night at 6. I was very quiet.

dd1 was out of pull ups when she was flipping well ready. I was older and wiser and had stopped caring about the bullshit interesting stories my mil told me about how all of hers were potty trained at 2 months or something.

It's not what you do, it's not what they do, sticker charts don't work, stopping them drinking at night doesn't work (imo...and it seems a bit mean).
It's just a developmental stage that you can't control, and no one needs a wet bed to deal with when a pull up could have prevented it.

Original poster
ilovemikidz · 10/06/2011 12:05

wow thanks for all the responses :)

have already sent my friend a link to the thread.

agree that its none of anyone elses business but the parent and childs. personally i tell people to fuck right off butt out if they comment on things not to do with them :)

huffythetantrumslayer its my friends dd from prev relationship, her DH is her dd's stepdad, not her bio dad.

OP posts:
piedpiper4 · 10/06/2011 12:06

My dd will be 7 very soon. She is still not consistently dry during the day and is still wet at nights even with desmo (she is under the enuresis clinic). The enuresis nurse (who's fantastic) has said that 1:4 children have enuresis issues at the age of 7, so being wet at night at age 4 is definately not too old and she should become dry in her own time.

Purveyor is right, it can be hormone related...it could also be linked to tonsils (which I suspect is the problem with my dd).

swanker · 10/06/2011 12:09

It took my DD 15mo after daytime training to be dry at night.
My sister still wet at night at 8.

There is no 'normal', only individual children.
If your friend's DD is still wetting at night, then why shouldn't she wear a pull-up? (though my DD was such a heavy wetter we had to keep her in nappies- pullups would have leaked)

MarioandLuigi · 10/06/2011 12:20

Pretty normal IMO.

DS1 wasnt fully dry at night until he was about 6. We had an accident about once a week up until then.

DS2 has ASD and at 4.3 is still in nappies all day.

DD has been dry for three months - and is sry at night, although I take her to the loo about 11pm as she doesnt wake up when she needs it.

Meglet · 10/06/2011 12:27

yanbu.

DS went dry overnight when he was potty trained (at last) at 3.6. No idea why it all clicked at the same tim TBH.

But lots of his friends seem still seem to be in pull ups. I have a stash of them in case he starts wetting the bed, but so far we're ok .

dixiechick1975 · 10/06/2011 12:28

Until they have developed a hormone they wont naturally be dry at night.

I looked into this last year as DD was still wet at night despite being reliably day dry for a couple of years.

GP's will not refer for treatment until over 6 I think.

I had a couple of attempts with DD - no pull ups, taking her at night - all it led to was wet sheets and tiredness for us both.

Week she turned 4.5 she was dry and has had only one accident since (on hols).

It is nothing to do with lazyness - you or hers - it is down to physical development.

I know boys still in pull ups yr 1.

That is why they sell pj pants - underjams or something they are called - basically big pull ups.

TheFeministsWife · 10/06/2011 12:30

Well my dd1 is 8 and showing no signs of being dry at night yet, she wears those Huggies DryNites. In complete contrast my dd2 is 4 and has been dry at night since she was 2.5.