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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its pretty normal for a four year old to still need pull ups at night?

138 replies

ilovemikidz · 10/06/2011 10:14

i am a regular mnetter, my name is of a "foxy" variety usually Wink

but i have namechanged for this as i am asking on behalf of my lovely friend (who isnt a mnetter, but SHOULD be ;) ) as will be sending her a link to this thread. hello! at friend.

her DD, aged 4, was toilet trained about 2 years ago, she grasped it very quickly and has been dry in the day since then. she is a bright, clever, advanced little girl but my friend is worried that she isn't dry at night times as she is expecting a baby in the autumn.

her MIL and DH are, IMO, putting her under pressure a bit to get her DD dry at nights, saying she "should be" dry at nights now, well i think thats utter bollocks TBH, all kids are different.

and in any case, i seem to think that its less to do with how "advanced" or otherwise a DC is but something to do with a hormone/chemical that is released that enables children to become dry at night? am i right?

anyway, please could some of you lovely ladies re assure my friend that there is no need to stress and that its totally normal for a child this age to still wear pull ups at night. :)

OP posts:
weblette · 10/06/2011 19:25

OP, as many posters have said, until the child is producing the appropriate hormone, being dry at night just wont happen.

I'm very very lucky in that mine have done it at the same time as being dry during the day but I am completely aware that it's nothing to do with any actions of mine!

At the same time, when I take my group of Beaver Scouts on sleepover I have at least two - aged 6 and 7 - who will need to wear pull-ups at night.

Your friend's dh and mil need to ease off. Making it an issue will not help.

allhailtheaubergine · 10/06/2011 19:35

RAHHHHHHHHHHH to anyone being SMUG that their children were dry at night when they were still a foetus in the womb. It was nothing YOU did so stop feeling so clever, and stop contributing to a general feeling that my darling 5yo daughter ought to be somehow embarrassed or ashamed that she is still in nappies at night time. She can't help it. I can't help it. You couldn't help it if it was your child either.

RAHHHHHHHHHHH I say.

magicmummy1 · 10/06/2011 19:44

It's fine, and has nothing to do with being bright and advanced or otherwise. She'll get there in her own time! :)

JustShootMeAlready · 10/06/2011 19:46

Jesus cookcleaner... are you equally as 'proud' of your children for being able to produce saliva, or make their hair grow? Bed wetting is not a learned behaviour, no matter what any smug git might try and say - and any success stories that resulted from a reward or praise or a 'conscious decision' on the part of the child are purely coincidence.

IT IS HORMONAL

Original poster
ilovemikidz · 10/06/2011 20:18

justshootme

i wish i could "like" your last comment in manner of fb :)

OP posts:
superv1xen · 10/06/2011 21:13

its normal. NORMAL.

her friends mother in law and husband are twats for telling her how to parent her own kid. and don't know what their on about! i would tell them to kindly mind their own fucking business.

wonder if the husband or MIL changes the wet bedsheets and comforts an upset 4 YO. doubt it. Hmm

HeadfirstForHalos · 11/06/2011 00:40

But I would say that I would try and stop it before the baby comes ... Maybe tie it in with a present or something.

Damn it, why didn't I think of that, right I'm off to toysrus in the morning to buy a toy to potty train my 3.7 yo ds. My potty training woes are solved now, I can't believe I managed to get 3 other dc out of nappies without "presents".

I imagine having a present would be even more effective in stopping a child peeing whilst asleep Hmm

justpaddling · 11/06/2011 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

halcyondays · 11/06/2011 09:02

It's definitely not that unusual or anything to be worried about it, as others have said doctors don't consider it to be of concern until children are around 7.

There have always been children that wet the bed through no fault of their own and it won't stop until they are ready to be dry through the night. I'm not sure why some people worry about it so much, pull ups are a wonderful thing for children who are wet at night and also for children who have continence problems during the day. Can't see the point in disturbing ad upsetting your child and generating a huge amount of laundry if you know they are just not ready to be dry at night.

cantfindamnnickname · 11/06/2011 10:13

I have DS5.5 and DS4 - DS4 has been dry day and night since 2.5, DS5.5 has only this week come out of pull ups at night - so perfectly normal i think.
We have had 4 out of 6 nights dry so he is doing well

FabbyChic · 11/06/2011 10:15

My son still wet the bed intermittently at aged six! My neighbours child is almost 7 and still has accidents most nights. Better pullups than a pissy bed.

trixymalixy · 11/06/2011 10:30

DS 4.5 is still in pull ups. My DNephew still is not dry at night aged 11. They have seen all sorts of people about it, tried hypnosis, bed wetting alarms, various medicines all to no avail. There is nothing physically wrong with him, they think he just isn't that bothered about it himself and until he is bothered about it nothing will work.

ShowOfHands · 11/06/2011 10:39

My dd was clean and dry day and night before she was 2. Do I think I had anything to do with this? Not a frigging chance. I couldn't make her not wee in her sleep any more than I could make her grow taller.

All the gentle tweaking in the world (no drinks after x time, wee before bed, potty in room etc) will only ever assist a child who is physiologically ready, just as playing with your child and encouraging confidence gives them a platform to start walking. But you don't cause it, you merely encourage it along its natural paradigm.

loo · 11/06/2011 10:45

My own dd was dry in the day but at night still in pullups at 4. A few months before starting school I wanted to try again to stop the bed wetting so mustered up all the energy I could and we agreed to stop using the pullups and cope with lack of sleep to deal with a wet bed. It worked but was hard work. I have friends whose own children are still wetting the bed at 7 and 8 and sometimes the older ones do it occassionally. So I do count ourselves fortunate - at the moment who knows if it will restart.

atmywitssend · 11/06/2011 10:53

I am so pleased that I have read this thread. My brother and sister in law are giving my poor niece who is just 4 a really hard time as she is not dry at night. They sem to really believe that she is the only 4 year old in the word not to be dry and are really mean to her about it, saying things like "C is only 2. She can't be 4 as she wears nappies. Big 4 year olds don't wear nappies. I hope your friends don't know you are really a baby who wears nappies" It is so horrid to see and they just won't listen. I will try to e-mail this thread to SIL to see if that an knock some sense into her.

Lovecat · 11/06/2011 11:16

witsend, that's so sad. Your poor niece :(

DD was still wearing pull ups at 4, but she decided she didn't want to wear them of her own accord (I suspect but have no proof that someone in the family had commented to her), we made a bargain that if she had 3 nights dry in a row, she didn't have to have them.

Didn't make a song & dance over it, she was fine about having that as a goal (and I actually heard her telling SMIL that that was her 'deal' ) and I think (it seems a long time ago now, she's only 6!) she managed that at about 4.5. There have been a few accidents along the way, but these days she's dry.

Hope that your friend's DD doesn't know all this is going on, pressurising her before she's ready is not going to do anything but make her anxious.

atmywitssend · 11/06/2011 11:36

Lovecat - thanks. Sadly niece does know exactly what is going on and is really sad about it. Her cousin who is a whole 4 months younger doesn't have a nappy at night and they really humiliated her about it. Poor thing was crying about it.

I just hope that they realise what they are doing to her but given that they said that they didn't care if she was happy at school as she was there to work, I am not too hopeful. Some people are just so horrid to their children but seem to believe that it will do them good in the long run........

ludog · 11/06/2011 11:48

I was a bed wetter until I was 15. It appears to have been a genetic thing as out of seven children, 5 of us were bed wetters, 3 into our teens. This was in the 70s, no pull-ups, twin tub washing machines, no tumble dryers. I can honestly say my mother tried every medical intervention available at the time all to no avail. I don't ever remember her being cross with us about it but my Grandmother was horrible at times..."don't drink that, your mother will be washing pissy sheets tomorrow if you do" etc. Shock.

Being a bed wetter until that age had an enormous effect on my self-esteem through my teens and into early adulthood. atmywitssend ...please tell your brother and SIL they are doing huge damage to their child's psychological development by mocking her for this, it really is out of her control.
Out of my three dds, dd1 was mostly dry at 2.6 although she had very occasional (once every two or three months) night time accidents until about 11, dd2 was totally dry at 3.6 and remained so apart from a period of about 6 weeks at age 6 when she was being bullied on the school bus and was wet every night. When we sorted the bullying the bed wetting stopped. DD3 is 10 and still wets regularly although she has improved enormously in the last six months. She stopped wearing pull-ups about two years ago when her Dad called them "nappies". (He wasn't being nasty, just unthinking).

CalamityKate · 11/06/2011 12:08

As I said upthread ^^ DS1 was dry at night at 3, DS2 has just cracked it aged 8 but I forgot to say my stepson, who is now 21, was still wetting the bed at 12. There does seem to be a genetic link; the GP said the same when I went about DS2.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 11/06/2011 12:27

Goodness, they are all so different and mine most definitely show that. DD1 was dry in the day at 2½, but still wetting at night at 9. She did have a (eventually) diagnosed medical problem, but with good training and some medication she grew out of it.

DD2 was dry day and night by 20m. Definite freak of nature, but there are only 11 months between her and DD1 and she seemed to do everything in real time at the same time as her older sister.

DS was dry by day at 2½, but not at night (and therefore in pull ups) until he was about 6.

DD3 is 2.3, is not remotely interested in ridding herself of nappies. We have the odd day when things go to (my) plan, but she is clearly not ready and having experience various milestones with the others, I am not concerned at all.

They all do it when THEY are ready, and not before.

dexifehatz · 11/06/2011 12:57

No.Unless SN.

5318008 · 11/06/2011 13:00

dexifehatz you are wrong

HTH

ShowOfHands · 11/06/2011 13:29

But 5318008, wasn't her argument passionate but reasonable, thorough, well argued and backed up with good evidence? I enjoyed it a lot.

Morloth · 11/06/2011 13:56

DS1 was still in pullups until just before his 5th birthday. I am sure we probably could have pushed him faster, but to be honest I just couldn't be bothered with night wakings and wet sheets etc.

Doesn't make any difference whatsoever to his life now, so who cares. Will take the same approach with DS2.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 11/06/2011 14:38

Gosh, well if dexifehatz says so with so much proof behind her it must be the case Hmm

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