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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have high expecations of myself as a furture mother.

275 replies

Liby · 30/05/2011 10:13

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-extra homework most evenings
-chidren will learn another language
-same with musical instrument
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
AuntieMonica · 30/05/2011 10:14

is it too early for popcorn?

PacificDogwood · 30/05/2011 10:15
Grin
Tee2072 · 30/05/2011 10:15

Yes. YABU

Do you have any children yet?

JoinTheDots · 30/05/2011 10:15

Nothing wrong with being optimistic! YANBU

Just don't be hard on yourself when DC3 is crying to be fed and DC2 begs you to put on CBBC and you give in... even though it's not the weekend.

Gastonladybird · 30/05/2011 10:15

Yanbu to want to do these things but it may turn out that things font pan out that way as kids have own ideas (eg may refuse to learn an instrument or may br premature and use of a dummy be suggested to help breathing).

cricketballs · 30/05/2011 10:15

I remember thinking that....lasted about 2 hours after the first birth!

But on a serious note, just be careful about your expectations so when you fail (as we all do) then you don't feel to down on yourself and feel like a failure

Goblinchild · 30/05/2011 10:15

YWBU if you beat yourself up and feel that you have failed if you don't manage all of your list all the time. Nothing wrong with high expectations if you are prepared to adapt along the way.
e.g my son can't learn another language.

SnuffleTurtle153 · 30/05/2011 10:16

Nope. I'm in.

Gastonladybird · 30/05/2011 10:16

No tee she doesn't

MsInterpret · 30/05/2011 10:16

You can have those aims and hopes...nothing wrong with that.

But don't beat yourself up when/if they don't happen.

And don't judge others who don't think the same way as you.

Sirzy · 30/05/2011 10:17

Having high expectations is fine, as long as you don't get upset when it doesn't happen.

What if they don't want to play an instrument?

MerylStrop · 30/05/2011 10:17

YABU if you think those are the things that make a good parent

expatinscotland · 30/05/2011 10:17

half-term begins . . . .

Serenitysutton · 30/05/2011 10:17

I'm not sure I understand the post- You can do what you like. Why tell everyone about it? Do you just want them all to say "wait till they get here you'll change your mind" why? You can do all those things if your determined enough and aren't concerned about involving your childrens needs in decison making. It's your life, your kids. Get over yourself.

AuntieMonica · 30/05/2011 10:17

and it's raining..... Hmm

better make another pot of coffee

peppapighastakenovermylife · 30/05/2011 10:18

This is a wind up right?

If not, um, good luck...

bbbbob · 30/05/2011 10:18

No you are most definitely NBU. I also had high expectations.
Then I became a parent Grin

MollieO · 30/05/2011 10:18

Ha, ha. I'd add teaching them to spell correctly to your list!

MorticiaAddams · 30/05/2011 10:18

You can plan all you like but as you have no idea of the personalities of your future children are you planning to force your ideas on them regardless of whether it makes them miserable?

Being a great mum is not all about planning and doing all the time and having a pj day and snuggling with a Disney DVD can be the best day of all.

DontCallMePeanut · 30/05/2011 10:18

What MerylStrop said... It's childhood, not a fascist regime...

NorthernGobshite · 30/05/2011 10:18

Wind up or seriously deluded!

SnuffleTurtle153 · 30/05/2011 10:19

'to grow vegetables with my DC' Grin

I think you have too much to think about.

Goblinchild · 30/05/2011 10:19

Did Tiger Mother woman write a book?
You could put it on your Christmas list.

haudyerwheesht · 30/05/2011 10:19

Yanbu good luck to you for most of it but tbh you seem to have very high expectations of your future kids (language/music etc) which may be unreasonable depending on the kid.

Also you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

I hate dummies - ds didn't have one despite not sleeping until he was 3 but dd has one because it soothes her reflux - what would you do in that situation then?

givemeaclue · 30/05/2011 10:19

are you actually pg or is this for one day in the future?

None of those are unreasonable in themselves but setting yourself very firm 'I will never', 'I will always' means that you can be setting standards that if you don't manage to achieve them could make you feel like you have 'failed as a mother' . I would focus more on doing your best than achieving what you consider as perfection. What if your child has no interest/aptitude in languages/music? why not change it to 'I will encourage and support my child in persuing their own interests/talents whatever they may be'

many parents struggle to get the homework done - what is the reason for extra homework?

Where is the fun/enjoyment in this list? where is 'I will have fun with my kids, I will enjoy their company'

I would leave off doing this list all together, chill out, learn to be flexible, quit with the nevers/always and look forward to the fun times ahead

of your list I have managed 3 (4 don't apply as mine are too young)

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