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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have high expecations of myself as a furture mother.

275 replies

Liby · 30/05/2011 10:13

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-extra homework most evenings
-chidren will learn another language
-same with musical instrument
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
haudyerwheesht · 30/05/2011 10:19

Yanbu good luck to you for most of it but tbh you seem to have very high expectations of your future kids (language/music etc) which may be unreasonable depending on the kid.

Also you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

I hate dummies - ds didn't have one despite not sleeping until he was 3 but dd has one because it soothes her reflux - what would you do in that situation then?

haudyerwheesht · 30/05/2011 10:19

Yanbu good luck to you for most of it but tbh you seem to have very high expectations of your future kids (language/music etc) which may be unreasonable depending on the kid.

Also you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

I hate dummies - ds didn't have one despite not sleeping until he was 3 but dd has one because it soothes her reflux - what would you do in that situation then?

Original poster
Liby · 30/05/2011 10:19

No child wants to learn to play an instrument - but they will appriciate it as adults! Same with languages and homework. Its things they don't want to do when they are young but thank you for later. Im glad my mother put the TV under the stair during week days and i'm glad she made me practice the piano.
Im glad she made me revise for my GCSES. I didn't appriciate it at the time...but now I do....

OP posts:
OddBoots · 30/05/2011 10:20

Nothing wrong with that, man of us started out that way. Just be gentle with yourself if you change your mind.

LadyBeagleEyes · 30/05/2011 10:20

Good luck with that, OP Smile.
Wind up.

Goblinchild · 30/05/2011 10:21

Oi, I grew vegetables with my DC and cooked and read with them. Now they are teenagers they can read cookbooks and take turns to do the evening meal.
Long-term planning that.

lynehamrose · 30/05/2011 10:21

The fact that you even think like that is very revealing.
Do you not have high expectations of yourself as a person in your own right? Do you eat a healthy diet yourself, read interesting and informative books, steer clear of garbage on tv, play a musical instrument , speak a foreign language, excel in an interesting career?
Because children learn by what you DO, not what you tell them to do.
IME, the worst mothers for doing what you propose are precisely the ones who AREN'T particularly successful or interesting themselves, and end up projecting onto their kids.....

MarshaBrady · 30/05/2011 10:21

er no yanbu, it's not hard to be selective. None of that stuff sounds that out there really. I suppose since you have put it in a list it sounds more than it is.

AuntieMonica · 30/05/2011 10:21

oh i don't know about the 'growing veg' idea

DD loves stamping on seedlings and has told me it's much better to have them delivered by the vegetable lady growing stuff

dribbleface · 30/05/2011 10:22

Liby - just came over from the other thread to see what your list was..........well good luck, you have hte right to choose to parent how you want, however it doesn't always work out the way you planned.

As for the nursery thing, honestly i would have likely said something similar to you pre-DC but now I might do it (and have done when i have had a day off here and there).

Each to their own.

Bonsoir · 30/05/2011 10:22

OP - it's perfectly possible to do all the things in your OP and more. We manage most of them!

Becaroooo · 30/05/2011 10:23

hahahahahahahaahahahaha

Best of luck!

Goblinchild · 30/05/2011 10:23

It helps if the things on your list are things you really enjoy too.

sungirltan · 30/05/2011 10:24

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

ha. i do all those with dd already and she's 19 months - but i send her to nursery so i have failed as a parent ;)

the extra homework thing is somewhat unreasonable. dh wants dd to learn antoehr language, i have said not until school starts as i think its pretentious before that.

i also take dd to art galleries and the library regulary (preens)

MonstaMunch · 30/05/2011 10:24

No child wants to learn to play an instrument

disagree. most of them do want to, and you buy the flaming thing and then they leave it standing in the corner for the next 5 years

badmummy101 · 30/05/2011 10:25

oh the innocence of a non parent.

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 30/05/2011 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InTheNightKitchen · 30/05/2011 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistress · 30/05/2011 10:27

YANBU to hope you will achieve all that stuff, it's all good. But don't worry if you fail sometimes!

colditz · 30/05/2011 10:27

Your children are going to hate you by the time they are ten. Have fun with that.

allhailtheaubergine · 30/05/2011 10:28

OP I don't think you are the first prospective parent to make mighty plans for your offspring. Good luck to you - quite right that you should go in to it with enthusiasm and the very best intentions.

Your list is perfectly achievable if you are determined.

Please don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't all work out. The most important thing is to have happy, healthy children who know they are loved, and that you yourself enjoy family life too.

My criticism (since you ask) is that your list is all about what YOU want. You might be shocked to discover that your children are real little people in their own right and have thoughts and opinions of their own. You might even find that you want to nurture their burgeoning little personalities and let them have a say in their lives, their interests and their plans :) However, you might not. Good luck to you either way.

hairylights · 30/05/2011 10:29

Yanbu. I hate it when people patronise others with "you won't want to ..." "you won't be able to when"... Live and let live and live and learn, I say.

Shakirasma · 30/05/2011 10:29

I can see where you are coming from OP. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a great parent with high expectations of yourself.

Just be careful that tou don't have unrealistically high expectations of your child though. For example, your child may not have a musical ear, or any interest in playing music at all. In that case it would be cruel to force it upon a child with no natural ability.

Remember all children are individuals and whilst a desire to help your child succeed in this that and the other is a good thing, some of the most important parental qualities IMO are a willingness to listen to your Childs point of view, and flexibility.

MollieO · 30/05/2011 10:30

Ds begged me to let him start learning the piano at 4. He also asked to join the church choir when he was 6. He had a dummy until he was 18 months old - started using for medical reasons. He doesn't know what barbie is and has only seen Disney films at school or holiday club. We do everything else on your list but I don't think that makes me an exceptionally good parent. We also do a lot that isn't on your list.

QuintessentialOldMoo · 30/05/2011 10:30

It is a good starting point. Good luck! Smile

Dont be too disappointed in yourself, or your little hopefuls, if it does not turn out just the way you think....

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