To have high expecations of myself as a furture mother.

[Liby]

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-extra homework most evenings
-chidren will learn another language
-same with musical instrument
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable??

Oh and liby, dont forgoet

• i will not look down my nose at other peoples parenting because you will have no friends and as a consequence, your children will have no friends. Having children is very political.

You must also learn not to start a thread on the back of another thread on parenting forums, it is considered very bad form.

as to the rest of your claims; yeah yeah lovely dear - we all wanted that, to a degree. Apart from the extra homework - why would you do that? seriously, don't you want your children to love learning?

High expectations are a good starting place.

My DC were going to have no more than 20 mins TV a day, only eat organic, and we would have jolly family meals around the table.

Oh how I look back and laugh.

When DC1 was 2.5 I realised he was eating non organic pizza in front of the TV, which he had been watching for the last 2 hours.

OP I particularly like your "extra homework". If I could even get my 5 year old to look at her spelling test list, rather than draw yet another picture of a church surrounded by headstones I would be thrilled.

Oh, and I do hope you are planning a natural birth to breast feed for at least a year.

Lynette, really the OP should breastfeed until milk teeth start to fall out for optimal nutrition.

I was going to carry my PFB round everywhere in a home made sling, and I would never need to raise my voice because children are never naughty - we just don't take the time to understand their behaviour man.

As it stands I used dummies, subscribed to the kids channels on cable as a matter of some urgency and have been generally a fan of taking the path of least resistance in search of the holy grail of peace and quiet.

Yesyes to real life getting in the way. Op nothing on your list is unachievable in itself. But in your imagination, your children are never ill and neither are you, you all get full nights of sleep, you will never need to get washing/shopping cleaning done with two or more stroppy kids in tow, it will never be raining. All those things strike, often simultaneously and sometimes for weeks on end, when you have real live kids rather than imaginary models. And that is always assuming none of your kids have any special needs.

I hereby apply an "Itchy Chinny" to this OP

I want my kids to be happy, healthy, rounded individuals with a range of interests and a wide circle of friends.

See your list? Print it off, put it in an envelope and open it when you have 2 or 3 dc's.

And then laugh.

It's totally unrealistic. I hated dummies. DD had reflux she screeched for hours on end. The dummy saved my sanity.

DD also learns 2 musical instruments. They are noisy and the practising is a pita.

DS is/was and remains crap at different languages.

As to computers only on the weekend/no junk/no tv/no bratz - yes all well and good in principle but what about the presents that the friend at school buys, or the party they go to or the night when you are on your knees with tiredness because the baby won't sleep and you know that the computer will buy you half an hour of peace?

I let mine make smartie cupcakes yesterday with icing sugar and smily faces on them. I had a migraine, I was literally on my knees and it gave me an hours peace and quiet.

Ha ha ha ha ha

I think I had a similar list pre kids, thank god it was just a mental list and I didn't share it with anyone!!!!!

Quite hard to limit the computer when so much of that extra homework needs to be done on it! The language and maths packages are brilliant!!!!!

Oh and see your extra homework I am literally spitting coffee at the laptop.

Getting them to do the required homework is tough enough after a day at work you have bucklies of getting them to do extra. When you've strugged for an hour with a reluctant reader, the last thing you want to do is go through it all again.

If you have only one child and you do all this stuff already pre children then you've a good chance of sticking to most of your 'rules'
once you get to 2-3 children, or if you're thinking you'll start growing veg/going to museums/not watching tv/reading every night once you have DC, then I think your chances of sticking to this are rather slim...

I decided my DS would be fluently reading by the age of 4, not like those lazy parents who don't bother teaching their children.
He'd have good manors, be quiet in public when I wanted him to. Have perfect teeth from bruching twice a day.
Etc etc.

DS is now 4, low and behold has special needs, he can't really speak a sentence, reading is unimaginable right now.
Generally screams in public.
Says a few rude things he find hillarious.
Grinds his teeth in his sleep so his teeth are pretty bad at the front.

Hmm work with what you've got.
Don't have expectations they might not be able to meet.
They're all different!

Extra homework? Do some yourself first and learn to spell Appreciate

Thread about a thread? At least do me the honour of quoting me properly and remember the "overly" before the "high expectations".

As a parent you'll need a sense of humour, an organically grown one. So I suggest you start growing one now.

not use dummies
We did til E was 21 months old. Better than sucking thumb and only used at bed times.

not let my kids eat junk food
Sometimes she does. Personally I think all children go through a phase of eating sod all except crap. It passes.

no disney
Why not? We have some of the films and they are fab. She's been given a couple of the dolls too which she does like. They are good for imagination play.

no barbies/bratz
I actually hate these dolls and E was given a barbie for a birthday one year, she's not bothered about it to be honest.

extra homework most evenings
Good luck with that - after school and and school homework the child will be tired, if you want to do more, it may be detrimental.

children will learn another language
No problem with this

same with musical instrument
children love playing instruments when they are small, surely its better to wait til they can choose. My DD loves the guitar, she has one, but can't play a note yet.

computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
I think this is your most unrealistic one on your list.

to grow vegetables with my DC
It is good for children to learn where their food comes from. E has her own patch of vegs which she looks after.

take them to museums regularly
maybe see what they are interested in, some can be really boring for little children if they aren't interactive.

read with them/to them everynight
I thought this was a given - bedtime stories rule in this house.

cook with them regularly
Yeh E loves cooking but we mainly do sweet things as opposed to savoury.

To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.
mmm interesting, you can mean no but it doesn't mean your child will do it.
Hope you've thought of good discipline measures if you are going to be this strict. Don't use the childs bedroom as a threat though.

What's wrong with Disney?!?

There's nothing wrong with the expectations in your list.

But what you don't seem to have accounted for is that all children are different. You may have 3 or 4 kids and only 1 that ticks the boxes in your list.

don't we all have expectations of the sort of parents we will be? I think things evolve and change along the road of parenthood. Theres a steep learning curve and what we see as important changes. I see being nice, fair, polite, balanced, helpful and healthy as more important.

my expectations pre kids were this ..

wean kids on what we eat - we did and my kids eat everything and aren't fussy. we always have healthy snacks in my bag but i do allow them nice treats in moderation.

use cotton nappies - managed with 1st but failed with number 3.

no dummies - they ended up sucking their thumbs instead.

limited TV - yes managed that one mostly but sometimes we are all too exhausted

grow veggies- my garden looks like a bomb has hit it. this is still one of my aims

A ha! A ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa! A- HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Oh dearie me!

skyblue ooooh we used cloth nappies with E - I loved them.

Christ that list is depressing. It's achievable but who's achievement will it be? Have you any plans to enjoy your children? To find out what kind of people they are and want to be? What if they like sports? What if they have SEN? What if they have terrible reflux and a dummy would help? You do realise that inbetween the extra homework, instrument practice and veg growing you will have very little time to just sit down with them and enjoy them? How sad that this is what parenting is to some people - a kind of career with targets.

-not use dummies
They will at some point find something disgusting to put in their mouths, so if it works, use it, at least it is socially acceptable.
-not let my kids eat junk food
They will at some point find something disgusting to put in their mouths, so at least let them have some junk that you have preapproved
-no disney
Someone mentioned Fantasia, it is one of the best examples of pastoralism I know and the music is fab, also if Disney are worthy of Oscars they're probably worthy of your dc's
-no barbies/bratz
Someone will defy you and buy them one. Let them have it. The novelty will wear of quicker and it's head will fall of and be discarded
-extra homework most evenings
They will get quite enough. Use this time for doing something nice with them. They will learn more from that
-chidren will learn another language
Of course they will, it is street innit. You will be able to listen only in incomprehension
-same with musical instrument
They will hate it as will you. Let them choose when they are ready and buy earplugs. Or use the time you'd spend doing extra homework with them to learn a instrument yourself, and let them grow up with music being a pleasure and teach them yourself if they want to learn
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
What about those genuine times you need to do something. Lead by example, the times my dc are not allowed tv are are the times it is switched off for everyone
-to grow vegetables with my DC
Of course you will this is a inevitable part of childrearing, from cress to pumpkins to tomatoes. You will do all the work, they will take the glory
-take them to museums regularly
try it with more than one and a pushchair, changing bag and bank holiday. Then see how regularly you go
-read with them/to them every night
Or at least till the bigger one can read to the smaller one ^Or they discover audiobooks
-cook with them regularly
Of course you will, they are always under your feet when dinners on. If you mean baking together fine, just don't eat the result
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.
They say no and mean no and have high expectations at all times. And they are so much better at it than you will ever be

8southmum* Mon 30-May-11 11:18:02
"I hereby apply an "Itchy Chinny" to this OP"

We need an Itchy Chin Smiley!

yanbu about dummies. i didnt buy dd one so she never required one.

or disney - i told all my family no disney and they have stuck to it. i hate disney for a myriad of reasons. i realise theres only so long i can enforce this but i'm hoping to get through the vile plastic princess dresses stage first - dd is a bit of a tom boy luckily!

There is nothing wrong with "no means no". It's a life skill. It doesn't mean it's easy when your child is wailing like a banshee over some piece of tat but so what, tough luck kiddo. I used to work as a behavioural therapist with kids with severe SEN and even children who really have the odds stacked against them in even understanding the word "no" can usually manage to follow it. Does this mean I'll never give in as a parent? Probably not, I'll probably fluff the boundaries along the way like everyone else... but it is not unreasonable to set a standard that you want to follow.

To anyone who has any scoffery about museums, they're some of the best places in the UK for toddlers IMO. Open space to run around that's safe, lots of drawers tp pull open and special touchy-feely under-5's collections/dressing up stuff etc. My favourite is the Great North Museum in Newcastle - ds gets dizzy with excitement when we get to it and runs around like a lunatic trying to find the dinosaur and the fish. Then lots of fun in their special under 5's area where he usually befriends other toddlers. There's similar in the Laing Art Gallery there and a few good ones in Leeds and Manchester and the Children's Museum in Halifax (Eureka). It's not all la-di-da stuff, you know!

" They say no and mean no and have high expectations at all times. And they are so much better at it than you will ever be "

shrugs

working9while5

Oooh how accessible is the Great North Mueseum for the pushchair, or have they anywhere I can lock it up?

I'm visiting in the summer and want to go, but will be stuck with the pushchair with me.