To have high expecations of myself as a furture mother.

[Liby]

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-extra homework most evenings
-chidren will learn another language
-same with musical instrument
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable??

Well, when I do have a LO i will try hard to do all the things on my list, because I know thats whats best for them - they won't know that themselves.

Suspect this is a joke, but just in case, remember, whatever your expectations, real life will bite you on the bum when you realise your child is a person all of their own, not a mini-me.

Your child may well learn an instrument or may not have any musical talent. You may well reach for a dummy in exasperation at lack of sleep. Or maybe not. Your child may be into growing veg or bored witless while you might find yourself far too busy. Or not.

You can't tell how any of these things will work out. I can tick off a few of them, but that's because it's the way ds is, what he enjoys and how stuff fits into our actual family life, not some imaginary world.

I thought dummies were good now.... wasn't there a study about them preventing SIDS ?

[disclaimer my children are a lot 7 and 9 so I'm way past baby stage]

You have no bloody clue!

Not a joke edam - honestly.

I have done 5 - my oldest is 5 - reading every night is lovely, cooking and growing veg good fun
I do have high standards of behaviour - but I know there can be loads of occasions - especially in the under 3s when the parent is doing their best and the child is still awful - normally just a phase mind
dummies - there is some evidences of some plus points for dummies sometimes eg poss lower SID
junk food - hmm - personally its all in moderation

i would like the kids to learn another language and a musical instrument at some point
homework - entirly depends on child and school -
TV etc again moderation
but I agree having fun with your kids and letting them know they are loved so important

Children should be allowed to be children, they find their own paths as do you when you have them. Nothing should be cast in stone. You already sound as if you are going to try to shape their personality into what you feel it should be, that is wrong. You are more likely to have a child with issues if you raise it the way your OP is worded.

No Disney? That is just cruel! How can you deprive your child of Fantasia for example? Robin Hood, Hercules, Alice in Wonderland? Classic movies are much better IMO than much of the modern crap telly peddled at children.

YANBU about the Bratz though... Uggggh.

Seriously though - expect whatever you want, just don't be ashamed, and be prepared to laugh about it in the future when it comes crashing around your ears :o

Extra homework - yeah, they'll hate you. Kids should be kids, not pet projects. but I guarantee you'll fail at most of this anyway. I do hope you BF - then you can become a sanctimonious lactivist also.

you can make all the plans under the sun, but one day your DC will decide what they want and don't want to do.

to me, being a successful parent is about knowing when and how to make the balance work.

and how to put your hands up in submission as we ALL fuck it up at times.

As someone said none of those things are that 'out there' or unusual. I do most of them...sometimes and feel no need to crow about it. All normal aspirations really that sometimes you will achieve and sometimes you won't.
As for the instruments though - my dad is still pestering me to play the piano and frankly I could not care less whether I do or not. And I can play quite well, but being able to do that makes no difference to my life. It is about what your children want too...

will you also ensure the have no SN or SEN? otherwise it might be hard....

Lynehamrose is spot on.

If your list is a reflection of the way you live then much of it is achievable. My dcs did most of those because that reflected how we lived.
Not all though. Some of your seem more about wanting to project an image than about life choices.

And if you plan is based upon the desire to be able to tell people " oh we go to museums at the weekend" rather than a wish to actually enjoy museums with your dcs then you risk being somewhat insufferable.
Having parents who are insufferable and pretentious is not a gift.

But do have aims and ambitious. Having a template of what your Childs life will be like is good. As long as you allow them to fuck with it a bit by being, you know, children.

-not use dummies
no I didn't

-not let my kids eat junk food
They hate it anyway, I wish they'd eat chips or a burger occasionally when we're out

-no disney
What, even Jungle Book or Mulan or 101 dalmatians? No pirates?
Doesn't always have to be the Mouse

-no barbies/bratz
no

-extra homework most evenings
on top of what school asks? What sort of 'homework are you thinking of?

-chidren will learn another language
DD has four at various levels, DS can't learn another language. He tried.

-same with musical instrument
Both play

-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
absolutely not, but selection of what and when happens

-to grow vegetables with my DC
Yes

-take them to museums regularly
Only museums? What about historical sites and Art galleries and festivals and concerts and...

-read with them/to them every night
yes

-cook with them regularly
yes Child labour is a good thing.

-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.
Yes to the first...reality tempered the second.

There are dozens of other things I thought I'd do or wouldn't do, but stuff happens and things change and children are not your clones. They will choose their own path and break free of your control. As they should.

Oh and regarding the homework thing... I used to think like you Liby. I grew up in a very academic family, went to grammar school. However in the real world I've changed my views. Education is not a race! It's much more important that they love learning and engage with the world and culture around them. Not reaching arbitrary milestones about learning times tables. They aren't robots.

Before your time is taken up with DCs I really recommend reading some books by John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, Alfie Kohn and David Elkind to name a few.

I always used to take my dds to museums and art galleries as I wanted to go and I wanted to share my passion for art. At a certain point - about 5 or 6 - they both rebelled and refused to go any more. So for many years it has been a complete no no for them. I smile when I see parents doing the same now.

However my dd now 20 did borrow my Tate membership card recently so may be something rubbed off

It all sounds normal-ish to me. Just live as you usually do and if you already do all that stuff it won't be a chore. (I mean the galleries, the healthy eating etc)

Although pick the right school for you/ your children and you won't have to do 'extra' homework, just the required amount.

If it's a huge leap or change in the way you live, might be a bit forced.

YANBU if it is an expectation, totally being unreasonable if forcing this on a child that doesnt want to do these things! I have tried all of the above - discarded some, kept others but my dc's are happy, healthy and learning to be people in their own right and for that fact I am prouder than I could ever have imagined!

Oh to be principalled and childless.

Good luck!

I think most of us have ideas of the sort of parent we would like to be.....and then we give birth

I read a quote on motherhood once which was something like "I start the day like Mary Poppins and end the day like Cruella De Ville" which I thought summed up being a Mum very well-or maybe its just me

Well - I don't really know what to think - some of you say this is reasonable, and some of you think i'm a wind up!!

I think i just see what happens when its time and try my best to do what is right for DC.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. High expectations of yourself as a parent isn't wrong. I subscribe to most of the points you've raised; my 4 DC don't have screentime mon-thurs, do their homework which they love, learn French (at school from age 4) and piano from when they're 7, etc..

However, I don't have a problem with Disney - there are much worse thing out there than that!

" I think I just see what happens when it's time and try my best to do what is best for my dc"

Now that is an excellent plan.

You do realise that if you ban TV until the weekend, you have to play with the all the flippin' time.

Give me an hour of Ben 10 any day, for my sanity.

Everything else doesn't sound that unreasonable (except maybe a bit of junk food now and then).

Thanks Pagwatch!