To have high expecations of myself as a furture mother.

[Liby]

I am planning to
-not use dummies
-not let my kids eat junk food
-no disney
-no barbies/bratz
-extra homework most evenings
-chidren will learn another language
-same with musical instrument
-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends
-to grow vegetables with my DC
-take them to museums regularly
-read with them/to them everynight
-cook with them regularly
-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

probably loads more. Im I being unreasonable??

Keep the medal Morloth they only gave it to you to shut you up.

The golden trophy of motherhood is mine.

Previous winners include Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie.

You may look back at this thread and have a laugh in 10 yrs.

YANBU to have high expectations, I think a lot of us have plans about how things will work out, but I think if you set your standards too high you set yourself up to fail. (not that you actually do fail as a parent but you feel that you have failed by comparing yourself to your own goals IYSWIM)

Personally I think that if you set your standards high, your children have a chance of achieving them. Whereas if you set them low, your children are unlikely to exceed them.

Am somewhat bemused at so many posters who have obviously given up on parenting before they have even begun. A great way not to fail is not to try...

I suggest printing the thread out, keeping it in a drawer and re reading it in 10yrs time!

Think the OP is on a wind up (being half-term and all)... But I want the medal or the golden trophy of motherhood

Not use dummies - DD never had one, DS (only 2wk old) not had one yet either!

Not let my kids eat junk food - We don't eat junk food as a rule, but I think it can be more problematic to make certain foods a 'no-no' as it makes them more appealing and elusive.

No disney - Why not?! Disney isn't all Hanna Montana and Mickey! DD loves the Winnie the Pooh stories and flims like the Lion King are fab.

No barbies/bratz - Personally I don't like them, but I certainly don't think they are the work of the devil or anything!

Extra homework most evenings - Why? Children need more than just academic studies to grow and fulfil their potential. Many good skills are learned through social play and interaction, which is equally as important, especially in their younger years.

Chidren will learn another language - DD (3.9) is learning basic Greek as my mum is Greek Cypriot and we have family in Cyprus.

Same with musical instrument - DD loves 'playing' with musical intruments, but is too young for any sort of formal learning. I learned to play the piano and viola, so it is likely that our DC will learn to play a musical instrument.

Computer games/tv etc limited to weekends - This is a little like the junk food thing - if you restrict something, it becomes more appealing and elusive. A little TV most days isn't going to harm them!

To grow vegetables with my DC - we don't have a garden, but DD grows plants and veg at her grandparents.

Take them to museums regularly - Have taken DD to the museum quite a few times, there is a lot of activities for younger children to do at our local museum and she loves it there!

Read with them/to them everynight - DD ALWAYS has a bedtime story (or 3)!

Cook with them regularly - I cook with DD just about every evening, she loves helping mummy in the kitchen.

To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times - Yes, but younger children cannot understand expectations of behaviour and you will have to deal with the odd tantrum - especially if your DC are tired, slightly unwell etc.

Do you know you will not have a child with special needs that won't be able to learn another language/instrument, and lots of other things on your list.

Fate has a funny way sometimes.

I think all your expectations are reasonable if you are good at planning. It does depend how you define 'junk food' - my daughter eats burgers but only proper homemade/organic. She also has the odd chip or two. We also use a dummy/soother as she was one of those babies that loved to suckle a lot. Only used for sleeptime now though.

She's not old enough for school yet but I don't think that extra homework is necessarily a good thing having seen the ridiculous amount that young children get - my work colleague has a 4 year old who gets homework. I think if you bring your children up to love learning they will be self-motivated anyway and you won't need to force them into extra work.

So I don't think your list is unreasonable at all. Not sure where you will find the time to do the gardening. As the saying goes "Aim for the stars and you might make the moon".

I agree world - my 3 year old has homework from nursery already! Stuff like she has to read a book and draw pictures of things she likes in it and practice writing the authors name. Also they have to take an item in from home and give a short talk about it every now and again! I don't think kids need more homework these days. If an older child is in school all day and has an hour or sos homework why would you want to give them extra - they need some downtime too!

OP - as others have said you will be surprised that your child / children have minds of their own and won't be happy to do everything that you plan. It's important that they're happy so forcing them to do any of those things if they're not interested is not reasonable. I honestly think that you're best to go into parenting with an open mind; I'd like my dd to play a musical instrument and may encourage her in this direction but ultimately if she's not interested then I won't force it. It's interesting that you say that they 'will do' this and that - I think they will have other ideas! You need to enjoy your time with them so they have happy memories of childhood.

Enjoy your baby. Wait and see what you get.

my 3 year old has homework from nursery already! Stuff like she has to read a book and draw pictures of things she likes in it and practice writing the authors name.

Good grief :( how on earth is copying 'Julia Donaldson' or whatever supposed to add to a child's education anyway?

BTW - I've started a thread on AIBU about banning Disney - thought the debate was getting lost among the hilarity main topic of this thread.

I have 4 children including a stepson, having one was much harder. I have the more I have the easier it gets, so much so we are going for another before my ovaries retire.

ScrotalPantomime - love the name! - I think it's to get them used to writing letters. I was that they got any homework at all in nursery though. Didn't get any until seniors in my day.

It's good to have high standards in all things and live your life according to them but you must remember:

• Every person has standards that are slightly or greatly different from you so be careful not to judge
• Children change so much even within a few months and you, as a parent, will constantly have to adapt
• Children are influenced by their peers and other adults; not just you
• There will be times when you will be tired/run ragged/in despair/on holiday (!!) where some of your standards will slip - don't judge yourself too harshly when this inevitably happens

Incidentally, I raise my DD up according to most of the items your list and am, largely, successful in this. But I am glad that often life conspires against me because that's what life is all about: to surprise us and enable us to learn that most valuable of life lessons - flexibility.

Ha ha ha ha ha.......ha ha. Sound of hysterial laughter as Huffy recognises herself in the OP and realises what a prat she was. Child, now 10, adores McDonalds chips and chocolate.

I actually found that by giving into the Disney in the early days it meant that DD lost all fascination with the princesses and the colour pink by the age of 6. She hated Bratz from day one. She loathes all things girly to the point where I can't play with her hair or buy her pretty dresses.

She is disgustingly healthy, despite the fact that I have exposed her to all the junk food and crap the world has to offer and shows ridiculous restraint around chocolate and treats (she's told me off more than once for offering her chocolate after she's had an ice cream for pud after dinner).

I did dummies and she threw hers out at 2yrs old saying she didn't want it any more. She did French lessons on a Saturday for 2 years, despite me begging her to do rock climbing instead, then gave it up because she wanted to stay at grandma's every weekend. She plays piano, but only because I let her play Harry Potter with one finger every time she practises.

Idealist thoughts pre-baby are natural. If you try to maintain them, you'll go insane. And you might even if you don't. I know because I don't try any more and my little darling STILL drives me totally nuts. Just off to rock in a corner now :)

I'd like a like button for posts, so I can tell the lady with the weaving, toy whittler how much I like her style.

helpingout, really??

Ah, but: do you whittle your own toys out of driftwood?

Good luck. Let us know how that works out for you!

I live this list. The DCs and I also do educational play in between. I am the mother that all other mums aim to be.

but I drink in the mornings

(joking... Obviously)

I'ma new mum and went into it with little expectations as didn't know what to expect. Even so I'm only 7 weeks in and find a new thing to beat myself up over every day: did I play with dc enough? Do I let dc sleep too long? Should I have taken dc to doctors for nappy rash? Etc etc etc etc. Adding expectations to this - especially high ones - is setting yourself up for a fall. No problem in thinking 'I would like to...' but imho I think flexibility is key.

Wow! OP, You are me from 12 long years in the past ... Chock full of inspirational expectations, all of which have exploded in flaming shards around my ears except the bedtime stories one.

You are being completely, utterly, totally fecking delusional, but you've given me a good chuckle at what a pillock I was back then so I'll let you off.

PacificDogwood How dare you question the 'Golden cup of Motherhood'. It does not allow for any lapses in child-rearing. It is the creme de la creme.

Only inspirational mothers get their hands on the gleaming trophy.

When I was a new mum and unsure of the correct direction to raise outstanding offspring my mantra was ' What would Gwyneth do?'

I offer this mantra to all mumsnetters who have strayed off the track to raising perfect children.

My DS is 27 months, not read the whole thread (too busy having trying to meet my high expectations) but of your list:

• not use dummies - nope never but that was cos he didn't want one rather than because I don't like them -not let my kids eat junk food - nope never (although chocolate comes in handy occasionally for potty training) -no disney - does Finding Nemo count? I like that one! -no barbies/bratz - he quite likes swinging barbie around by the hair -extra homework most evenings - bit young for that -chidren will learn another language - we live in Wales, Welsh is compulsory to age 16 so yes he will -same with musical instrument - does banging a drum count? -computer games/tv etc limited to weekends - no time to watch TV for any of us but Tractor Ted is on continual loop at mealtimes as a bribe to get him to stay at the table and eat -to grow vegetables with my DC - when the garden is finished yes (hopefully) -take them to museums regularly - he goes to the odd art gallery but just asks if he can 'run around' -read with them/to them everynight - yes -cook with them regularly - we try but it is a bit messy -To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times - ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Choose your battles.

OK, a more serious answer.

• not use dummies

My kids hated them anyway.

-not let my kids eat junk food

Fine. Maybe. But you will find that when you are stuck, for example, in an airport for three days due to snow that you may have to relax this one. Also you will probably won't them to attend parties at soft plays, etc. A good overall aim if you don't take it too far.

-no disney

I think this is a shame. I don't think all Disney is good. But banning Bambi? And Fantastia? Seems a waste.

-no barbies/bratz

Ha ha. I thought this one. Then my DD arrived. And she loves the things so much that many school mums have given her their own collection of clothes from the 60s, 70s, 80s. She gets so much pleasure from dressing Barbie and herself and all her soft toys, I honestly think she might end up a fashion designer - even if just of her own clothes.

-extra homework most evenings

I commented on this earlier. I don't think you should plan on this till you see the volume that arrives home. My kids know that in order to go on the Wii, etc, they will get tasks to do first. Sometimes this is homework, sometimes it is half an hour in the garden, sometimes it is practice violin or read a book or make up a song for me or play a board game. Keep flexible, aim for a range of activity.

-chidren will learn another language

Good plan. I do expose them to other languages. Wish I'd done more to be honest, didn't really work out that way, but wish I had pushed it further as I speak three myself.

-same with musical instrument

Good plan. They may hate it of course, but good to at least start.

-computer games/tv etc limited to weekends

Yeah, within reason. My kids hardly watch any but if they are home sick, or jet-lagged, sometimes TV is all that will do. Equally, when a play date goes pear-shaped, sometimes it is a life-saver! Moderation and flexibility in all things...

-to grow vegetables with my DC

Good plan. They'll love it. We're the opposite of green thumbs here but can manage cress and potatoes!

-take them to museums regularly

Good plan. They'll love it.

-read with them/to them everynight

Good plan. They'll love it, don't fret if they are over-tired one night though. Also suggest audio books in the car and the bedroom. Fun kids radio over breakfast. Books on the tube.....

-cook with them regularly

Good plan. They'll love it.

-To say no and mean no and have high expecations of behaviour at all times.

Yes, in theory. BUT you need to listen to them as well. Yesterday, my kids had a huge bubble bath during the day for fun as it is half-term. So I said "no" to another bath at bedtime. Tried to mean "no" as well, till DD pointed out that she had sneezed all over herself and would really like to wash it off.....