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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

this is an open forum, that means *anything* is up for discussion, and that anyone who doesn't like that doesn't have to read it.

132 replies

wannaBe · 26/05/2011 14:15

sort of sparked by another thread but in truth I've seen so many times how it's "insensitive to post about this here because of people who are going through y."

I once posted a thread about my dh being lovely and was told it was insensitive because of people whose dh's were shits.

I've seen posts about people who have had affairs be told it's insensitive because there are people whose dh's have had affairs...

There's another thread in ibu today where the op has been told she's insensitive for posting because of others who are on the other side of the discussion..

Ultimately, this is an open forum. Some people choose to put their deepest most inner thoughts on here and open up their hearts and talk about the inner most happenings in their lives. Sometimes those people go through a hard time, and other times those people have come out the other side.

Sometimes people have been the cause of upset in someone else's life and that is equally relevant and they should be equally allowed to talk about it.

The internet is not a one-sided place where we reserve our empathy only for those who are either the victims or prepared to become the victims in the name of their hard time, and refuse to discuss the other side.

Everything should be up for discussion, and if people don't like that, no-one is obligated to read it - there is a hide function after all.

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 26/05/2011 14:17

YANBU

Thinking about sensitivity wrt thread titles always good though

LDNmummy · 26/05/2011 14:17

YANBU, there are of course moral standards, but people can get very up in arms when they really shouldn't.

CoffeeDodger · 26/05/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellavita · 26/05/2011 14:18

Agree!

ReindeerBollocks · 26/05/2011 14:19

YANBU

Why do people open a thread they know will potentially offend them?

MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 14:19

agree OP

When I first got here I was astounded that loads of posters were frightened to hear other opinions if they didnt agree with their own, and reported, and pouted and flounced about it

I dont agree with all the swearing, but just ignore it, I wish some others would afford the same courtesy

headfairy · 26/05/2011 14:20

yanbu... if we all sat on our hands for fear of offending someone with the opposite opinion/experience it would be a pretty crap forum. Lots of empty threads with no one saying anything.

KnobCheese · 26/05/2011 14:20

yanbu

Katiepoes · 26/05/2011 14:21

YABU. You are being insensitive to my right to take offence. You should put this in a forum nobody ever looks at so I can continue to be sensitive aboyt things total strangers say to me on a website. Meh.

LDNmummy · 26/05/2011 14:22

And a lot of the time you can see some posters really just want something to be outraged about, hence clicking on threads with titles only to blast the OP about how insensitive it is.

I'm sure a lot of people clicked on that thread because of the title.

Ariesgirl · 26/05/2011 14:22

YANBU at all. I got yelled at on another thread because I "might have upset some posters who might have read" something I wrote. It was about water bills for goodness sake! I replied that I certainly wasn't going to tiptoe around in case I inadvertently upset someone on AIBU where no one else seems to mind too much.

If you are talking about the thread I think you are, then if the OP had placed it in Conception, people would have had a point. But she didn't.

If people don't want to read it, then don't click on it.

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/05/2011 14:24

Yabu. People are equally at liberty to be offended/affronted and to say so, if they wish.

littleblackdog · 26/05/2011 14:24

I have hidden that thread because of the crappy INSENSITIVE title, and I'm hiding this one. Do go away. It should have been posted appropriately, not in AIBU, high traffic or not.

tomhardyismydh · 26/05/2011 14:25

not sure my self, I think consideration is key. in the thread Im assuming you are talking about the title came across as very self indulgent boasting and somewhat insensitive and looked like the intent was to be inflammatory, but once thread was open, the content had a different motivation, it did bring an important topic to the forefront needing discussion. So should and could have been posted elsewhere but certanly needed a different title.

I have a very anti stance on abortion personal I would not judge others therefor would avoid discussion on this topic as I would not want to voice my views, and so did not open the thread untill just now when I read your thread and was surprised at the content.

Ariesgirl · 26/05/2011 14:26

But why should she go away because you are choosing to take offence?

Pictish · 26/05/2011 14:26

YANBU at all!

This is one of the negatives about forums for me...the way you're supposed to know what is going on in everyone's life at any one time and post sensitively in accordance to it.

Bollocks...I'm as much of a willing ear as the next person, but I'm not emotionally responsible for anyone here....just the same as no-one here has to tiptoe round me either.

I really resent being told I'm insensitive for posting about something in case it upsets X, Y or Z.

Can't remember the last time I expected other adult people to put their own issues on hold to cater to me!

Hullygully · 26/05/2011 14:26

You are being very insensitive to those that don't agree with you.

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 26/05/2011 14:27

YANBU with regard to your thread title but I agree with bibbity that people have the equal right to comment negatively. Also, I think people need to think carefully about their audience, eg. do not post in AIBU if you are looking for reasonable, rational and thoughtful debate Grin

tomhardyismydh · 26/05/2011 14:28

there actually is an appropriate thread that runs covering termination in a sensitive way.

openerofjars · 26/05/2011 14:29

Well, that's what the hide button is for. So you can hide stuff you don't like, rather than coming on threads you don't like.

I'm hiding Pregnancy at the moment because I don't want to read it. But that doesn't mean I think all the Antenatal clubs are being insensitive.

Birdsgottafly · 26/05/2011 14:29

I think as long as the title explains the content then it is fine to discuss anything. Some OP's have started off a thread that could be deemed as offensive by some but then have been educated on the subject, so people shouldn't be wary to post.

If said it before but to many posters on here cannot agree to disagree. I personally enjoy it when someone tries to patronise me, i know i'm doing something right.

Original poster
wannaBe · 26/05/2011 14:30

I did use other examples because this wasn't a thread specifically about the thread others have brought up here.

Tbh I don't see why where the thread is is relevant unless it is in an area of mn that is known to be for sensitive discussion which, let's face it, ibu is anything but.

OP posts:
Ariesgirl · 26/05/2011 14:31

"This is one of the negatives about forums for me...the way you're supposed to know what is going on in everyone's life at any one time and post sensitively in accordance to it.

Bollocks...I'm as much of a willing ear as the next person, but I'm not emotionally responsible for anyone here....just the same as no-one here has to tiptoe round me either.

I really resent being told I'm insensitive for posting about something in case it upsets X, Y or Z.

Can't remember the last time I expected other adult people to put their own issues on hold to cater to me!"

Pictish, that's exactly what I was trying to say and you have worded it better.

littleblackdog · 26/05/2011 14:32

Ariesgirl Because it is inflammatory and a thread about a thread IMO. Just to stir, stir stir.
As I said, the original thread should NOT have been in AIBU with a seemingly 'boastful' title. And we are all entitled to feel differently depending on our experiences. I quite enjoy AIBU, but choose to hide the threads I don't like, precisely because it is used to wind people up on purpose at times, not to get opinions.

tomhardyismydh · 26/05/2011 14:32

yes but if someone started a title in AIBU saying, Im pregnant and have zero guilt or sympathy for those who are not!! would be pretty insensitive, yes? and they should have started a thread in the appropriate place or have the responsibility to word a little more sensitively