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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

this is an open forum, that means *anything* is up for discussion, and that anyone who doesn't like that doesn't have to read it.

132 replies

wannaBe · 26/05/2011 14:15

sort of sparked by another thread but in truth I've seen so many times how it's "insensitive to post about this here because of people who are going through y."

I once posted a thread about my dh being lovely and was told it was insensitive because of people whose dh's were shits.

I've seen posts about people who have had affairs be told it's insensitive because there are people whose dh's have had affairs...

There's another thread in ibu today where the op has been told she's insensitive for posting because of others who are on the other side of the discussion..

Ultimately, this is an open forum. Some people choose to put their deepest most inner thoughts on here and open up their hearts and talk about the inner most happenings in their lives. Sometimes those people go through a hard time, and other times those people have come out the other side.

Sometimes people have been the cause of upset in someone else's life and that is equally relevant and they should be equally allowed to talk about it.

The internet is not a one-sided place where we reserve our empathy only for those who are either the victims or prepared to become the victims in the name of their hard time, and refuse to discuss the other side.

Everything should be up for discussion, and if people don't like that, no-one is obligated to read it - there is a hide function after all.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 26/05/2011 14:33

I noticed on the other thread a poster saying that if it was someone other than a well know poster they'd be considered a troll, but because the OP's a regular she is obviously starting a serious debate.

Which I agree with, it seems only if you spend a lot of time on here you're 'allowed' to dodge the trollhunters, which isn't on really if it's supposed to be a level playing field.

I agree with notnowbernard, and saw a thread title saying something like 'sometimes suicide's a good thing' which is true for some, but the title was offensive for no reason than to get people to click on the thread, not nice.

Otherwise, self-moderation seems to work well on MN (if you can ignore those pesky pedants/posters asking why post here or what's the point of the thread etc etc)

AbsDuCroissant · 26/05/2011 14:34

YANBU. It's why the "hide" button was invented.

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/05/2011 14:34

Okay then openerofjars, I might start a thread like this:

AIBU to want all children with sn EXPELLED from my dc primary school?

  • are you saying that anyone who finds that offensive should simply hide the thread and forget about it?
limitedperiodonly · 26/05/2011 14:35

Actually you're being a bit vile as well.

Still trying to get my head round that comment on another thread. Are there degrees of vileness?

Ariesgirl · 26/05/2011 14:36

Yes to a degree that is true tomhardy, but if people read the posts and think about it, then hopefully their outrage and offence and sensitivity will diminish as they realise it was just an unfortunately worded title.

There are so many instances nowadays where people's stock response to a debate is to bleat "I find that offensive" because they can't think of appropriate arguments (and I'm not referring to the other thread here) Ringo Starr felt compelled to apologise to the people of Liverpool the other day for saying he didn't actually miss the city. Issue a public apology! FFS!

RobynLou · 26/05/2011 14:36

YANBU
the day after I gave birth to DD2, I posted to say how amazed I was with my body and what it did and that I wanted to shout from the rooftops how proud I was of my beautiful baby girl

I got posters saying I was being insensitive to women who'd had traumatic births.

openerofjars · 26/05/2011 14:37

No, that's what the report button is for.

It's for you to judge whether to participate in threads you don't like, report them or ignore them.

openerofjars · 26/05/2011 14:37

x-post, that was to bibbitybobbityhat

nijinsky · 26/05/2011 14:38

YANBU. If people are that sensitive/emotionally fragile then they are probably best not to go online forums.

Primalscream · 26/05/2011 14:40

Yanbu - unfortunately the Internet is full of masochists who get off on being hurt and offended - these Saddos should book themselves into a sex dungeon and get whipped til' they bleed - then hopefully they'll leave the rest of us alone

There is a hide button / so fucking use it!

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2011 14:41

Does that go for the people in the mental health/bereavement sections on MN as well nijinsky?

Ariesgirl · 26/05/2011 14:42

No. Bibity meant other areas of MN. Obviously.

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/05/2011 14:43

I think I agree with you opener.

If we find something disagreeable, offensive, or upsetting - its ok to say so! Op of this thread is saying that if you don't like what you are reading you should zip it or hide the thread.

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/05/2011 14:44

YANBU - posters choose to be offended or are just sensitive to certain topics.

AIBU threads usually means having to take sides - usually the opinion is based on personal experience and seen in absolute terms and life is never like this! I really think that AIBU topic needs to be updated as it causes such upset and mud slinging.

nenevomito · 26/05/2011 14:45

Hmmmm.

If it was a good idea to post about everything anywhere then there wouldn't be a need for categories.

As a step parent, I wouldn't go onto the lone parents forum and post about my DH's ex. I use the SP board. I don't post about my DS's special needs on AIBU or chat, I post on SNC. On the flip side, I don't expect people to post on those boards criticising step parents or saying hurtful things about kids with SEN.

There are many more examples like that, where a modicum of sense can help prevent upsetting other people by posting in the right topic.

What I would also say is that you can post on any topic here, but whether you get backed up depends on who you are to some extent. There are some posts that would get utterly annihilated if they were from an unknown, but not so much from others.

Yes it is an open forum and you can post anything, but that doesn't mean that you should act like a cock and not give a hoot about how other people may feel.

HaughtyChuckle · 26/05/2011 14:48

this reminds of the abortion thread in this section, people are being very rude to OP accusing of 'bragging' WTF

MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 14:49

What I would also say is that you can post on any topic here, but whether you get backed up depends on who you are to some extent. There are some posts that would get utterly annihilated if they were from an unknown, but not so much from others.

agree and also if you are a man or a woman :(

PinotGrigiosKittens · 26/05/2011 14:49

Agree!

The worst part of MN for me is when posters all jump in one after the other to berate someone - like fecking sheep. Nowt like kicking someone when they're down already eh?

Free speech, man

Hullygully · 26/05/2011 14:51

Monsta - that's true of all areas of life. If you "know" and like someone, and know and value their opinions, you're more likely to agree and/or stand up for them. Nowt anyone can do about that.

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/05/2011 14:53

There seems to be some hint of some sort of hierarchy of posters. The truth remains that some are more prolific posters and are a 'known' vs someone who may not post as much. Calling people trolls or whatever has been well documented, but AIBU is pretty much a free for all, mud slinging topic where the sh*t and insults fly.

It is an open forum, but at the same time it also requires a bit of nous to know how MN 'works' and what goes where ...

MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 14:54

AIBU to want all children with sn EXPELLED from my dc primary school?

I dont think you would be unreasonable to start a thread with that title if you went on to explain why. You would get a range of different opinions, but I dont see why on earth any topic should not be allowed

SockShitter · 26/05/2011 14:54

Its an open forum therefore I have a right to say I don't like something.

There was a genuinely nasty thread recently about FB and pictures of babies who had died. I think it was right for people to comment how innaproptiate it was

ReindeerBollocks · 26/05/2011 14:54

Bibbity - there is a difference between being deliberately offensive to trying to discuss an obviously sensitive issue.

I think that most posters do wade in, which it what makes MN good, opposing views are interesting.

But it is posters who are going through a rough time for whatever reason (TTC for example) then joining that thread and moaning about what should and shouldn't be discussed as it is not 'fair' to them and their current circumstances.

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2011 14:55

That says it's about the person rather that the point being made hullygully.

You wouldn't agree with someone if they were talking bollocks just because you liked them.

MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 14:55

Monsta - that's true of all areas of life. If you "know" and like someone, and know and value their opinions, you're more likely to agree and/or stand up for them. Nowt anyone can do about that.

thats where I disagree. I dont "know" anyone on here, never look at the poster's name before reading the post so therefore I might agree with some of their opinions but not others. I think thats a far easier way to go than try to suck up to your mates and back each other up

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