Bored by full-time motherhood
boredtodeath · 25/05/2011 15:18
I was made redundant last year after 12 years in a very demanding job. I decided to view it as a positive thing (I got a decent redundancy package so was not in financial dire straits) and throw myself into finally having time to be with my children aged 6 and 2. The only trouble is that I am unspeakably bored. Has anyone else felt this way or am I just a horrible mother? I adore them both but I feel like the household maid rather than the Mary Poppins-esque woman I had hoped to be. Where am I going wrong? Is there anyone out there who feels the same?
twinmam · 25/05/2011 15:41
Oh god, totally agree. There are parts of being at home that are incredibly dull (and that is not to belittle or demean SAHMs at ALL)!
I suspect from your comments that the thing you are finding really boring is the domestic chores etc which is totally understandable.
I think the following things can make it more bearable:
- organise yourself so you're only being a drudge at certain times not constantly; have time with the kids and play with them.
- Leave the house at least once every day: park etc
- make friends with other mums and meet up with them to chat whilst the kids play
- try and force yourself to enjoy doing things with the DCs. That sounds awful but it's not always automatically fun to spend time with little ones, no matter how much you love them. I put on music and dance with the DDs, make tents with them etc.
- don't be too hard on yourself. It's a big adjustment and you are probably having to reassess who you are and what's important to you.
SarfEasticated · 25/05/2011 15:48
I made friends with other irreverent slack harridans like-minded mothers, kept in touch with my work friends and also arranged to go out once a week to the pictures with old non-mother friends. I also listen to radio 4 which gives your brain a work out too.
It is tough though, doesn't make you a bad mother to find it hard.
controlpantsandgladrags · 25/05/2011 15:53
I'm a sahm by choice and yes I do get unspeakably bored. It can be very thankless and I find the lack of adult company and conversation particularly difficult. However I won't work until my youngest starts school because I believe that I am doing what's best for my DC.
I will be 34 when DD2 goes to school so I think I will have plenty of time to do something for me then. Of course this may all change if we decide to go for DC3 in a couple of years!
Threelittleducks · 25/05/2011 15:54
I swither between joyful happy moments which justify my being at home and realising I can't possibly do anything else at the moment and hating myself and my life so hard that it all seems a bit pointless and shit.
It's a really really bloody tough slog and doesn't get half as much recognition as it should.
luvviemum · 25/05/2011 15:56
Totally agree and at times I'm so bored I feel brain dead! I pay for a cleaner once a week which is a luxury but I don't smoke or drink and find it makes life a bit more bearable and in control.
I also try to schedule several things in advance eg meeting pals, dropping DS off at nannas one day, going to playcentre to meet other mums. Having an empty schedule knowing you have little ones at home can be the worst nightmare of all especially if it's raining! Planning things to do in the week gives my life a bit more structure I find
Like you, I also took redundancy from my job and am hoping to get another one in the not too distant future because I really miss the office banter, the adult company and using my brain for something other than what's for tea tonight etc.
It's true I will end up paying someone to look after my kids for some of the time but just because you have children doesn't mean you should have to sacrifice your sense of self at the alter of motherhood. Also, it doesn't mean that you love your kids any less. My children mean the world to me but I do believe that happy parents make the best parents and it's a very individual choice about what work/life balance you are most happy with.
Insomnia11 · 25/05/2011 16:04
I think I'd like to do SOMETHING even if I was at home all day, like running baby massage or cookery classes or getting more involved with the school or other voluntary work. It's difficult when the kids are VERY small though but when they have a few hours at nursery there could be more options. Or could you do an OU course, something like that? Doesn't have to be a degree, I did a three month course on writing fiction when DD1 was 2 while working 3 days a week, all from my laptop. You need about 8 hours a week to do a short course.
MillyR · 25/05/2011 16:09
Very few women who do not have a baby are literally SAHM. They may not be in paid employment, but they do other things like study, volunteer or have time away from their kids pursuing some sort of hobby. I have never met anyone who didn't have a baby who spent all of their time at home with their children.
So are you literally spending all of the time with your kids? That could be the issue.
boredtodeath · 25/05/2011 16:12
Thank you ladies, such a relief to hear I'm not the only one. I have been looking for another job but have had no luck. For some reason I appear to have become unemployable!!!. I will give all your suggestions a go. In the meantime, since the sun is out, I feel the need to hit the post-school-run Pimm's. Cheers
BsshBossh · 25/05/2011 16:13
Don't forget the long spells of boredom you must have endured when you were working. Boredom with routine work is normal in work and at home. Make sure you build in interesting things into your day (only you know what's interesting to you), every day and then it'll be easier to put up with the monotonous bits.
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