Bored by full-time motherhood

[boredtodeath]

I was made redundant last year after 12 years in a very demanding job. I decided to view it as a positive thing (I got a decent redundancy package so was not in financial dire straits) and throw myself into finally having time to be with my children aged 6 and 2. The only trouble is that I am unspeakably bored. Has anyone else felt this way or am I just a horrible mother? I adore them both but I feel like the household maid rather than the Mary Poppins-esque woman I had hoped to be. Where am I going wrong? Is there anyone out there who feels the same?

Do I have a default position? Can someone tell me what it is?

Norman, I would have read it that way too.
Did you just have rage working9while5?

[puts it down to rage typing]

[stands beside NormanTebbit in act of solidarity]

You're not hearing what I'm saying, but fair enough. I am interested in SAHM/WOHM threads because I'm interested in something specific - women's thoughts and experiences on how and where their lives are at because there's variety there and masses of it. You want the bunfight. The bunfight invites stereotypes and generalisation and I am saying that's pretty bloody dull, really. You don't think so because you see it as "frisson and riposte". My idea of frisson/riposte differs to yours. It is not a matter of my subjectivitiy vs your objectivity. I am saying that saying exactly the same thing in exactly the same way (e.g. Romans outsourced childcare, such and such a person is falafel eating lentil weaving etc) reduces the variety of discussion. It's a pretty straightforward point and I've made it now, so off I trot.

SAHM versus WOHM is "perennial" because some posters make it so. Fair enough, you get something undefined out of making the same point in slightly different ways again and again and viewing it as a diametric opposition. I don't so I'll leave you to it. Just seems a shame, from my POV, that the potential richness and diversity of discussion that could be had of ways of making being a mother work at this particular time in this particular culture gets squashed down into precious moment mama feeding the ducks and baking while her brain atrophies vs cold heartless career bitch proving a feminist point at the expense of her children's happiness.

Sorry, NormanTebbit, Hiberno English thing possibly you plural directed at X and SM, not you in the slightest. No idea if you have a default position so probably not!

I can relate NormanTebbit - I'm coming up to six year SAHM and it gets duller and longer I do it for the more options I fear it closes off.

I realise there are no perfect options though would dearly like to do part-time working but with childcare and transport costs hard to make it worth it - though might change in September when second DC starts school. I have no family round to help and DH works long hours and is often away. At moment three times a day I have to be at school for pick-up and drop off's - which limits have far I can get especially as driving to expensive as we only have one wage coming in.

Not having two wages coming in places huge restrictions on what we can and can't do. I am rarely in the house all day with the DC - I do find a lot of cheap things to do - but even this annoys family, friends who work and occasionally DH who does not 'get' this or the fact is I am in the house I'm frequently busy.

The lack of affordable childcare restricts with volunteering as well - which people often cite as something SAHM should do and again makes it hard to afford re-training courses - even the OU which I am finally doing takes money to pay for the courses.

There can be a lot of pressure to enjoy these years - they have gone fast but when you have three under fours and have not slept a full night in years, have not had a afternoon breather with naps since eldest was 18 months and me time a weekends though promised never seems to materialise - it gets hard.

I do not regret these years and will be back at work at some point - then juggling DC and work - but day to day it can be hard. I have a lot of good memories and as DC are getting older it gets a lot easier but no-one in reality is Mary Poppins every day but I at least feel I somehow should be.

It nice to hear it not just 'me'.

Oddly I never expected to enjoy all the time at work - always thought the money and spending power it brought compensated for those times.

I'm a SAHM and of course there are times when it's very dull and I feel as though I have lost my identity, BUT for me I feel that it's more important to give these years to my two DDs as it won't be long before they won't need me and then I can do what I want.

Simple in my mind, but I do know what you mean.

Also Norman, it's precisely the variety that's most interesting.. the choice that some have that others' don't, how it all changes when you have two kids or four or more, how income relates to it, the lack of social support in certain circles, the stark financial choices etc.. it's just not as simple as what the sodding Romans did with their sodding slaves!

I am going to lose my job in three weeks, I think.. so very pertinent to me right now.. so I feel your pain.. and childcare, don't get me started.

oh lol,your summation is well flawed,and my god misrepresents the women on mn as wee timorous and afraid to post in case some one disagrees with them

haha,nothing could be further from truth.as we all know most folk can and do pile in.make their assertions and dont acquiesce when challenged. rightly so

your language is v emotive and paints picture of richness and complexities lost.Lost to whom?implication that those who do post have neither richness nor complexity.just a put upon post

Working - thankyou, I was gripped with fear that people were actually recognising my 'position' on various debates on mumsnet and therefore I would have to get a life do more housework instead

I take your point. I could write SM and Xenia's posts myself having been on mumsnet for 7 years now. But if you overlook the bunfight there are interesting an illuminating things said here.

Killingtime- I feel like I am on autopilot much of the time. I don't remember the first year of DD3's life. The only time I got with her was when she co-slept with me at night. You have to fight otherwise you will lose yourself, just disappear.

And I am really sorry to hear about your job. What can I say...

Not that they are too timorous but that it becomes too boring to continue a thread as it becomes this sort of nonsense back and forth. It's a derailment, really, and one I'm not interested in pursuing simply because you can't even read your own posts (mine are emotive, yours are... balanced? mine are subjective, yours are.. objective? - lol yourself, your argument is well flawed indeed) Yours and Xenia's points might have been rich and complex the first time they were posted but they seem like so much cut and paste at this stage. Scottish hard graft and babies up on pegs and Romans with slaves blah blah blah and women baking buns while their careers fritter away. Always about choice, as though everyone made a concerted decision and stuck to it always with no room for change or manouevre. Planning it out, hey it's a lifestyle choice, easy if you have a good degree etc etc, everything works out. So smug. Make the point once, fair enough, trot it out at every possible opportunity and it ceases to seem real.

hehe i expect you could write my posts.no problemo with that whatsoever.
given i write a specific pov from anecdote,opinion,observation and dollop of mirth im sure it doesnt change much on the sahm/working debacle

this is to be expected when one holds a specific pov - unlikely im going to reflect and and hell you know what....aye pack in work.be a sahm,nurture and nourish someone else career

anymore than some of you will say. thanks for sterling advice.i wholeheartedly agree with you sm

whats the loose association with romans.youre rambling incoherently

Aw SM. I couldn't hope to replicate your distinctive posting style.

Are you poking fun at your own posting style there, sm? Nothing incoherent in what I said I don't think, much as I'm sure you don't think your loose associations are anything less than illuminating/ Interesting subversion of the word "reflect" there, too. I didn't say "repent", you know.

I'm off now. Shouldn't you get back to work too?

hehe as mrs doyle would say ach g'wan g'wam.lol you could name change a new nom de plume and post as me.in a most vexatious manner.of course

ach no you'd have to lose the face:o
i never do wee humphy faces
but aye do be my ghost writer, how deliciously warped you could be
and then say oi,wisnae me. was her

See I'm failing already SM. Am just not up to it.

Sigh

practise and repetition
lots of tea
and no harrumphy faces
soon we'll be undistinguishable on screen

Working9while5 I agree, I did roll my eyes when Xenia waded in. SM less so, on this thread at least you seem to have been a bit more constructive than previous threads on the subject, and you haven't yet said the words 'fluff and fold'

mm, see, i posted earlier, but don't feel like i've got much to contribute anymore as everyone's positions seem so well thought-out and, um, concrete. seems like so much telling how it is to me. boring.

They are points worth repeating though - that loads of housewives regret it, that they cannot get back on the greasy pole later when they may need the money or diversion, that their husbands havne' made this sacrifice, that life at home with little children (3 under 4 we had at one point) is not much fun for most people and they and their children would be better off if they worked.

If those who find it hard think no use giong about that because as a teenager I chose poor career choices so I would never have earned much, it is still worth my making the pointse because you might have daughters and you might choose to lead them into being surgeons not nurses or other careers which mean life will not be so tough.

Xenia once again please can you clarify who these 'most people' are? You make very sweeping statements with nothing to back them up.

Xenia once again please can you clarify who these 'most people' are? You make very sweeping statements with nothing to back them up.