Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bored by full-time motherhood

338 replies

boredtodeath · 25/05/2011 15:18

I was made redundant last year after 12 years in a very demanding job. I decided to view it as a positive thing (I got a decent redundancy package so was not in financial dire straits) and throw myself into finally having time to be with my children aged 6 and 2. The only trouble is that I am unspeakably bored. Has anyone else felt this way or am I just a horrible mother? I adore them both but I feel like the household maid rather than the Mary Poppins-esque woman I had hoped to be. Where am I going wrong? Is there anyone out there who feels the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
boredtodeath · 25/05/2011 16:16

Sorry I'm new to mumsnet, what does YANBU mean?

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 25/05/2011 16:17

Also I would treat being a SAHM just like a job - structure every half hour with activities for you alone and with the kids and for the kids; remember to factor in independent play as your kids need to be able to get bored and play on their own... I would imagine that would make the days more bearable. My DD's childminders have structured her entire day to the hour and half hour - they've given me the timetable - and I am in awe!

SockShitter · 25/05/2011 16:19

I am a new mum, but I was a child minder for years so I can understand where you are coming from.

Firstly, get out of the house. That's a biggy, do things you wanted to do but never had time (you have nothing but time now). Go to a museum (but go earlyish so you will enjoy it with out the evils.

Try and find some genuine friends with children, not people you only hang out with because they have children too. Go somewhere that needs a minunum amount of supervision. Let them loose at soft play or at a really nice park. I could spend hours at the park.

Is there something you could volunteer to do that you could bring the kids to?

WoTmania · 25/05/2011 16:22

You Are Not Being Unreasonable

chocolateyclur · 25/05/2011 16:22

I'm in a similar place to you. I'm used to working full time, and was made redundant in March. Son stayed in full time nursery whilst I was on a job hunt.

We had to make the decision to move across country as my chances of finding work were slim because of huge amounts of redundancy. And now, here I am, with husband working each day, and me staying at home as a stay at home Mum whilst I wait to find employment.

I'm finding it hard - not just getting used to a new area, but keeping son (3) entertained - he's gregarious and likes a lot of stimulation. I don't have the money or the local knowledge to keep him entertained, and I'm not used to being stuck at home all day - n or is he - so we're just rubbing each other up the wrong way all of the time.

I'm trying for structure. Take husband to train, come home, have breakfast, talk, watch a film, play something active together, have lunch, have some quiet time, walk the dog, free play whilst I do the pots...but it's not that easy, and psychologically I'm feeling the strain.

I hope you manage to find resolution soon.

sunshine76 · 25/05/2011 17:38

I agree with the other posters that suggest planning your week and meeting up with friends.

I only have one DD (2.8) and I have been at home with her since she was 18 months, sometimes it does get boring (usually when it is raining for days on end).

I always have her registered for a few different community centre classes, crafts, dancing, music etc some which I join in with and as she has got older I have been able to drop her off and enjoy some 'free' time. The classes are usually only 45 mins but it is something to structure the morning around, and gets you out the house and socializing with other mums and DC.

I also like having the next few months planned out, but always leave a couple of free days so not over scheduled.

We also go to the park alot in the afternoon, she is now playing more with other DC, so I am able to relax a bit, we have 3 different parks we drive (5/10 mins away) to and also one in walking distance to keep things fresh. Sometimes we take the bike or a ball to kick around or a kite to fly if it is windy.

In the summer we are able to go to the beach etc which is great. Or play in the garden, which is tiny but we do have a sand/water table, junior swingball, balls etc or we get out the pavement chalk or bubbles.

I am also a annual member of the aquarium so we can go there a fair bit, the library also does free storytimes once a week and there is always swimming etc.

We also have people over for playdates, do baking/crafts with the DCs or just have a coffee and a chat.

Personally I am a lot better a the sociable, activity side than 'playing with toys at home' which I do find boring, I am lucky that my DD has always loved playing with other children and loves to go out and do things too.

You could do all this and still find it really boring though! In that case probably better to go back to work! :)

Xenia · 25/05/2011 18:08

Most women who stay at home end up regretting it later and many of us haven't bneen at home because we know it's as dull as ditchwater. Get back to full time work forthwith. It's the only way.

aldiwhore · 25/05/2011 18:11

I've been a SAHM for 7 years.... SEVEN FREAKING YEARS... and would love to say its all wonderful but it isn't. Its very often dull.

I'm glad I did it, its great contraception, and I am now pretty much unemployable.... there's up sides of course, I'll get back to you on those.

You are not alone, I am here through choice as well, lol.

sunshine76 · 25/05/2011 18:12

The other thing I forgot to add was I try and get the bulk of drudgery out of the way on Monday, washing, cleaning, dusting, hoovering etc So I don't really have to do any of that later in the week apart from a bit more hoovering/tidying maybe and the kitchen gets tidied everyday.

I also cook dinner while I am preparing lunch, a spag bol, chili, stew, curry etc so that later I only have to put on rice/pasta/veg etc and always do enough for two nights so the next day you don't have to cook (bonus!) or you can freeze some for later.

I also do my food shop on a Sunday without DC as I hate taking her and try not to go again during the week.

I am not saying I have it all worked out by any stretch but I do have a nice balance between constant 'work' and relaxing time - I know this is harder with 2 DC though!

5318008 · 25/05/2011 18:12

I agree with Xenia

if you have a bit of money sloshing around retrain, or do some study, make yourself employable again

take up a hobby or pastime, don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of motherhood

octopusinabox · 25/05/2011 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiddledee · 25/05/2011 18:20

Xenia I'm dying to go back to work, I gave a six figure salary and I think it would take me several years if ever to get back to my old position even if I go back full time, also I would have to work long hours & travel. DH often travels abroad, without a full time live in nanny for several years we can't make it work. I'm not sure its fair on the kids if both parents work flat out.

But I'm going la la - coffee mornings just don't replace working on deals, jumping on planes at the last minute etc... Maybe it would have been easier if I had a less exciting career.

I've been a SAHM for several years I've grown duller and duller and I find other SAHM often just as dull - hobbies, fine but only have 8-10pm to do them or before 6am. It will get easier when my youngest starts pre-school and I will have time on my own for the first time in years. Probably spend that time looking for a job.

I'm not sure I regret it but I won't be advising my DD to do the same when she grows up. If I had family support for some of the childcare I would have rejoined the workforce sooner.

beesimo · 25/05/2011 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

McDreamy · 25/05/2011 18:23

wow beeismo that is true insight!

octopusinabox · 25/05/2011 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristinedePizan · 25/05/2011 18:28

Nope, I'm sorry beesimo, I'm not a boring person and it's dull as fuck. Six months in to being a SAHM and I can't wait for my DS to start school. The list of 'things to fill your time' that sunshine posted makes me want to weep.

Don't tell me that's rewarding. It's simply not.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/05/2011 18:33

Charming beesimo Shock
Being a SAHM is hard work and can be boring. Your children will be happier if you're happy.
Get back to work!

tigermummy35 · 25/05/2011 18:38

YANBU. I've only been a SAHM for 6 and a half months and thought the boredom was just me. Glad to know I'm not alone!

beesimo · 25/05/2011 18:42

How you can say you are bored at home and the not admit it is your own fault I don't know. You'll never have this time back again and what do you do moan and carry on like you were doing time in a gaol. What a load of rubbish you could be learning and growing just as much as a person by being a sahm as by being at work in a office.

I can't understand why you can't bring some passion and interest into every day

scottishmummy · 25/05/2011 18:45

if salary isnt imperative seek something you like doing.something to reconnect you and propel you back
do some studying/reading cpd dtuff in mean time
can you call in any favours?get foot back in door
maybe take a paycut below your previous scale to get re-established

and no i never remotely considered sahm.had nursery booked 12wk pg. motherhood doesnt solely define me and it isnt all i want to do,but i always knew id go back.i do need the approbation and mental stimulation of work.i cant get that solely at home

hope things pick up for you.

ChristinedePizan · 25/05/2011 18:50

Learning and growing by going to endless rounds of soft play/toddler groups/music and movement groups?

How exactly Beesimo? I'd love to know.

MarshaBrady · 25/05/2011 18:52

Get a cleaner and get some work, doesn't have to be full-time, is my suggestion. If you are doing some work it will probably make you appreciate the sahm parts more too.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/05/2011 18:54

I was bored shitless.
Are you always this sanctimonious beesimo? Is this you learning and growing though MN? Hmm

Fiddledee · 25/05/2011 18:55

I've learnt to make a cornish pasty today. I'm not jumping for joy. It killed some time and made my DD happy and provided dinner.

Is this the learning and growing I'm meant to find fulfilling. Also have grown some salad leaves - wow I am achieving.

smallpotato · 25/05/2011 19:07

I tend to swing between feeling completely lucky, happy and fulfilled to be able to be a SAHM (usually during sleepy BF cuddles with the baby or on sunny days in the park) and feeling like a completely insignificant speck of nothing whose only role in life is clearing up after my ungrateful offspring.

It sounds like it's the domestic side that's getting you down, so if you can afford it get a cleaner- I would if we had the money!

Overall, I know my kids have such a fantastic life at the moment- playdates, days out, trips to the park, lovely local preschool etc etc and they wouldn't have that if I worked full time, so on balance it's worth it for me. I'm planning on retraining as a teacher next year though, maybe you could look at a change of career as a possibility?