Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

[hellojude]

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know... Another has said a flat no
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

kindly inviting the grownups and then kindly making your kids personas non grata you mean? yeah, charming. and yes the 'revenge' part was lighthearted, jeez...

YABU for your patronising comments OP - 'may get it in a few years'? 'everyone loves babies'? Good grief! For what it's worth, I am completely on the side of the children-excluders, and I would do the same if I were having a similar celebration. I feel that weddings are very much adult occasions and there's nothing U at all about not wanting other people's children there so long as that is communicated politely.

I agree with other posters that your husband's compromise is a good one. On the other hand, feel free to just not go and politely decline. Your friends should respect your choice either way. An invitation is not a summons and shouldn't be treated as such.

Intergalactichussy - my children bring great joy to ME but I don't expect their presence (and they are well behaved) to be greeted with ecstatic whoops from a group of non-parent adults who want to have a nice chat and a drink.

But it isn't about ' the grownups' and 'the kids'. It's about 'people you know, love and want at your wedding' and 'people you may never have met and who know nothing of what a wedding actually is, but have to be paid for/ catered too regardless'.

My SiL was furious someone brought an uninvited baby to her wedding. You can't just take a baby - you will have to decline the invite!

YABU. You need to consider each invite - how important is it to you that you see the couple get married. If very important then arrange a sitter, if not then don't go. They don't want your DD there, and that is up to them really.

Not everyone likes babies or children maybe that's something you will 'get' at some point

YABU just for this

3) Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding

Yes, yes babies are lovely, I wouldn't have had 4 dc otherwise, but they can also be screamy. If the couple would prefer no babies either get a sitter or don't go.

"i'm amazed that so many parents on a parenting forum are baffled as to why anyone would think a baby 'would bring great joy at a wedding'. don't yours bring you joy then? or is the joy so greatly outweighed by the noise they make that you can't take them anywhere?"

No, I'm just not self-absorbed and arrogant enough to think that my children are anything special to the rest of the world.

Its not an ideal situation, we've been in the same boat a few times. Just buy some nice RSVP cards, write a nice comment about having to decline because the baby is too young to be left but you wish them all the best for the day, look forward to seeing the photos and maybe you can get together later in the year to celebrate.

Twice I have done this and the couple have contacted me to say the baby can now come. I'd spoken to the bride in each case, who had reiterated the no children rule, but once they got the decline they changed their minds. I think maybe they thought we just didn't want to fork out for a babysitter or something, I don't think they thought we would actually decline the invite.

I wouldn't go, and send them all a polite decline card (telling them why, if you like). I'd be happy for DH to go on his own if he wanted, but I wouldn't want to go on my own without him because I'm a bit shy

They might feel narked that you're not going out of your way to get there, but if they do then that's their lookout and it is them who are being unreasonable. As you say, they'll understand in a few years :)

Not everyone wants babies at their wedding, regardless of whether they need to cater for them or not, and it's their day so they can say what goes. Not everyone loves babies. Sorry.

I would either decline or just 1 of you go. I don't see why married couples always have to do things 2 by 2. If 1 of you is desperate to go as close friend/ family then the other can babysit.
Usually the people getting married are closer to 1 of you than the other anyway.

YABU. It's not tricky. If you want to go, do. If you don't want to go, don't. We all make decisions based on different factors, not that hard to do.

I have DCs, I still don't 'get it' about never wanting to be seperated from them (and don't even get me started on people who don't attend something they might enjoy because they don't want to be seperated from their DH!)

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding ROFL!

Get back to me after a few years of marriage and a few more children, then YOU might 'get it'

This puts me in mind of my cousin

She firmly believes that absolutely everyone she comes into contact with is crazy about babies..and if they're not crazy about babies, they will of course be crazy about her baby because apparently you just have to love him.

I mean seriously to the point of having him thrust in my face when I'm stood in my kitchen cooking dinner

I shooed the little bundle of snot out til I'd finished cooking...saying he was a bit of a health hazzard at the time

Their wedding so it's for them to decide.

We've been invited to one which children aren't invited to - so we can't go. I have three children, one of whom has special needs. My parents are both too ill and my inlaw doesn't live locally and, anyway, wouldn't be able to cope with three.

So, we can't go. It's a shame but there you go! Not everyone wants babies at their wedding.

I also think weddings where children aren't welcome are odd. Just cos you have kids doesn't mean you'd let them scream all day. You'd just take them out of the church/venue.

If my children weren't invited I wouldn't/couldn't go.

I wouldn't go without my DH either.

See I find it odd that people won't go to a wedding without their partner? You know people there, they are your dear friends and everyone will be having fun - why do you need a chaperone?
Your DH has a great suggestion, but if you can't then decline. Don't go for long drawn out excuses and for the love of god dont tell them they'll understand in a few years!

Just decline the invite no biggie.

We have been invited to a wedding in a few weeks with DC. No-one to sit them as everyone will be at the wedding, its going to be a rubbish day for me wiping noses & shusshing every 30 secs throughout speeches. Totally understand why as a bride you would say no children tbh.

Don't go to your friend's wedding but let your DH go on his own to his friend's. I wouldn't leave a young baby for that long (no way) but I wouldn't have minded DH leaving me and the baby to go to the wedding of a dear friend of his.

worra my pils were like this when our first, their first dgc, was a baby. When we arrived she would snatch her and run off outside to various neighbours/random people in the street and show her off

They once gave us a lift to a garage as there was a 2nd hand car we wanted to look at (ours had died), and fil was shoving dd into the filthy, manly mechanics face gushing about how gorgeous she was. Mechanic couldn't have look more freaked out even if he had been pushing a turd at him

People like that make me cringe

YABU If you're not happy leaving your dc then don't go its that simple