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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

373 replies

hellojude · 25/05/2011 12:23

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know...Confused Another has said a flat no Sad
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

  1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
  2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
  3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding Smile

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 25/05/2011 12:40

"everyone love babies" ROFL!! Grin Sorry, but not everyone loves babies. I certainly don't. Nasty noisy smelly ungrateful things. Babies were welcome at our wedding but it was a big noisy Israeli wedding so no-one would notice one screaming. But if it had been a quiet intimate affair I wouldn't have wanted babies there.

Your DH has come up with a very good compromise. I suggest you take it. Even if you don't want to go to your friends' weddings alone, I hope you will be OK with him going to his.

sparkle12mar08 · 25/05/2011 12:40

Either decline graefully or do as your very clever husband has suggested. Either way stop whining about it :)

nenevomito · 25/05/2011 12:40

Nicely decline the invites.

I was fortunate that the only no child wedding I was invited to when I had a newborn made an exception as ds was only 6 weeks. If I couldn't have taken him I wouldn't have gone.

I can understand you wanting to go with your DH and newborn, but their day, their rules no matter how unreasonable they may seem.

clarabb · 25/05/2011 12:40

It may be that the bride and groom have lots of guests with babies and saying yes to you means lots of other babies too. They risk upsetting others with an age limit which allows your baby but excludes slightly older ones. I know it's hard to leave your baby but it's their day not yours. When my DCs were babies we always split the weddings - it worked well I always had a lovely time catching up with friends. Don't make this something to be cross and miserable about think positive - if you took the baby you'd end up spending the evening in a hotel room with her/him while everyone else was enjoying the party. Smile

ENormaSnob · 25/05/2011 12:40

I would decline the invite.

worldgonecrazy · 25/05/2011 12:40

I wouldn't go and send your regrets.

It does make me feel sad that weddings, which I feel are a family event, are specifying 'no children'. I'm so glad that none of my family and friends have ever done this. I do understand that couples without children may not understand why it is so difficult for parents to be separated from their children 'just for one day'.

Yama · 25/05/2011 12:40

I wouldn't go. Your dh's compromise is still costly.

Journey · 25/05/2011 12:40

"Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding". Not everybody loves baby, and the joy should come from seeing the bride and groom happily married and not via your baby.

Your friends don't want children at their wedding. Why can't you respect this? It's their day.

JoyceBarnaby · 25/05/2011 12:41

It isn't especially unusual not to invite children and babies to weddings and I certainly don't agree that "everyone loves babies".

Your friends are being perfectly reasonable, IMO. If that means you can't/ choose not to go, then so be it. I agree with those that have said your husband has offered a very sensible and logical compromise - think about that again before you make a final decision!!

MorrisZapp · 25/05/2011 12:41

I don't get the dilemma. You have been invited to a wedding, and you can't go.

Surely you have declined invites before.

lubberlich · 25/05/2011 12:41

Sod them. Don't go.
Weddings without kids is just plain odd.
Only the English could think it is ok to exclude children from large family events like weddings FFS.

trice · 25/05/2011 12:41

Nothing would make me take a baby to a wedding. Don't go. If you do you will have to spend a fortune and you will just end up standing in a freezing churchyard with a screaming baby and spit up on your nice new dress. Then you can spend the evening watching everyone else getting drunk and having fun while you look after and increasingly resent your little bundle of joy.

Been there - bitter flashbacks.

IntergalacticHussy · 25/05/2011 12:42

you can get your revenge when they have kids of their own in a few years, just bide your time and then have a really posh 'do', no kids, and watch them all scrabbling about desperately trying to find babysitters

BalloonSlayer · 25/05/2011 12:42

I wouldn't go.

Suggest you politely decline, wish them a lovely day, work out how much you would have spent on outfits, presents (or do you still send presents if you don't go?) travel etc and spend it all on yourselves.

Bucharest · 25/05/2011 12:42

Roffling hard at everyone loves babies.

Feck, I didn't even love my own catterwauling the place down at times, let alone anyone else's.

YABU. Go, or don't go. But your friend's wedding, surprise, is not about your baby. (and wtf have jabs got to do with anything? Prob even better they don't go, I'd say, what if one of the guests had measles or summat?)

scarletfingernail · 25/05/2011 12:43

Unfortunately declining the invitation is the only option if they've chosen not to invite children or babies.

I wouldn't leave a very young baby for that amount of time either and like you I wouldn't enjoy it as much if my husband was not there.

Don't give a reason unless they ask for one. If they do ask for one just explain that you're unable to leave the baby for that length of time as she's so young still.

The only other suggestion is that maybe you could you ask a relative to come and stay overnight and then maybe you and DH could still make the evening do?

worraliberty · 25/05/2011 12:43

Just for the benefit of that rather racist comment lubberlich I've been to both Irish and Spanish weddings were babies/children weren't invited either.

Sometimes it's about cost/personal choice not what bloody country you come from Hmm

vinorosado · 25/05/2011 12:45

Yes clarabb is right - by summer you might actually relish the day off from childcare and have a chance to let your hair down - it will be good for you. If they are 'dear friends' you will not be lonely, you will have a lovely time remembering who you are (ie not just a new mother)! :) Then, your husband will also get to have a bit of a party at his friends weddings.

mrsbunnthebaker · 25/05/2011 12:45

personally i would say you dont want my family, i cant/wont go

wouldnt fuss me at all

lol

ClaireDeLoon · 25/05/2011 12:45

YABU

As for suggestion of 'get your revenge' - I assume that's a joke? Getting revenge on someone for them kindly inviting you to their wedding?

IntergalacticHussy · 25/05/2011 12:46

i'm amazed that so many parents on a parenting forum are baffled as to why anyone would think a baby 'would bring great joy at a wedding'. don't yours bring you joy then? or is the joy so greatly outweighed by the noise they make that you can't take them anywhere?

ginnny · 25/05/2011 12:46

Personally I would LOVE to go to a wedding without the dc - then I could get drunk enjoy myself without worrying about them, BUT they are older and I wouldn't have when they were newborns.
You can't expect them to change their minds. If you don't want to go alone then don't go.
If you decide not to go can you use the excuse that your dd is breast fed and can't go 12 hours without food?

Bucharest · 25/05/2011 12:47

lubberlich- am in Italy and it is quite usual for a family not to be invited in its entirety, ditto for christenings etc. For dd's christening we didn't invite anyone of dp's family apart from immediate siblings.

So do feck off with your stereotype rubbish.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/05/2011 12:48

I really dont understand why people think weddings with no children is odd..............

Your DH makes a great suggestion, I would do that! Whilst it is nice to do things as a couple you arent joined at the hip and would prob have a fab time with your friends...enjoy the freedom and being yourself rather than mum!

For your info, much as I love my DS I dont love other peoples babies and can totally understand why people have child free weddings.

worraliberty · 25/05/2011 12:48

i'm amazed that so many parents on a parenting forum are baffled as to why anyone would think a baby 'would bring great joy at a wedding'. don't yours bring you joy then?

Yes, I just don't expect everyone else to feel the same way as I do..being as though I'm my kid's mum and they are obviously not?