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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

373 replies

hellojude · 25/05/2011 12:23

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know...Confused Another has said a flat no Sad
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

  1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
  2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
  3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding Smile

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 26/05/2011 11:04

I didnt take my children to my own wedding, so I can hardly call no child weddings cruel.

Politely decline (in a card, with a nice message) stating the reasons you can't go, but you hope they have a lovely time. They are your friends after all. YANBU in not wanting to leave your DD. But it would be wrong to try and make your DD invited, to the detriment of the bride and grooms wishes.

I don't think it's a right or wrong issue. Personally I tend to book babysitters for my DCs when it is the wedding of my friends. They are my friends and I want to celebrate with them, without my DC. I take my DC to family weddings (when invited).

oohlaalaa · 26/05/2011 11:05

I'm getting married this summer. I have not put children on invites, but thought if I am contacted re parents wanting to bring baby, toddler etc. then this is fine. I have not been contacted and all our friends are leaving children with parents for the day.

I would suggest that only one of you go to the local weddings, with the other looking after child. Its shit, but that's life I'm afriad. If the weddings are away from home, I would refuse.

DartsRus · 26/05/2011 11:11

I think one of the issues about children at weddings, apart from cost, is their behaviour. And this relates to the behaviour of children in general not just at weddings.

There are people posting that they would take a loud child out of the service, etc, but actually many parents are not being that considerate, and simply ignore their kids because they want to remain to see the ceremony, thus spoiling things for others (I've seen this at family weddings).

How many times have you seen badly behaved kids in public, whose parents simply do nothing to moderate their behaviour? Especially in restaurants! Is it really any wonder if some people don't want kids at their weddings?

And there are plenty of social opportunities for children to learn acceptable behaviour without insisting that your precious kid is included in the guest list.

FWIW I know my 2 dcs would behave well in public, but that's because we've taught them, as you should do. I would not want to inflict badly behaved kids on to anyone, especially at a wedding where the focus should be the bride and groom.

valiumredhead · 26/05/2011 11:18

A wedding is about two families joining together

And? Doesn't mean children have to be there Confused

CurrySpice · 26/05/2011 11:29

I see the OP has buggered off Hmm

I wonder if she had kids ar her wedding? :o Or maybe that was before she "got it" :o

As for not wanting to go without DH?!? That just amazes and puzzles me tbh!

SoupDragon · 26/05/2011 11:37

Not everyone likes children.
Not everyone likes your children.
If you don't like it, don't go. Simple.

noddyholder · 26/05/2011 11:39

Grin soupy! I don't know why people get so het up over this. Its like my little dd/ds isn't invited to so and so's birthday party! It is just not important in the grand scheme of things and it is up to the host of ANY do who they invite

CurrySpice · 26/05/2011 11:39

Plus I am a selfish bad mommy who would look forward to a day without the kids where I could let my hair down and get horribly drunk and dance inapproprraitely

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/05/2011 11:41

I do wonder why people just have to have their say on these immensely long threads. There is no way what you post at message number 300+ can be original or helpful to the op. Everything has already been said! I know Mumsnet is a thief of time, Lordy I am guilty of wasting hours on here, but I'm not so bored/stupid to carry on flogging a dead horse, I hope.

CurrySpice · 26/05/2011 11:42

Nobody else has said they;d like to go sans kids so they can get pissed though bibbity Hmm

SoupDragon · 26/05/2011 11:44

NO, but you are bored and stupid enough to make pointless comments on a thread you deem to be a dead horse. That kind of makes you more stupid...

valiumredhead · 26/05/2011 11:45

Not so bored though you don't post bibbity Wink

SoupDragon · 26/05/2011 11:45

Noddy, should I ever get married again I'm not convinced I'd even invite my own children :o

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/05/2011 11:52

No, I was making a new point. A point that hasn't been made on the thread before. Bit touchy this morning are we?

LadyWord · 26/05/2011 12:01

Um well bibbity I was just feeling opinionated and procrastinating.
(sums up my MN posts in general probably...)

The reason threads on this topic always get huge even though they've been done 100x before is because people feel strongly and like to stick their oar in. Well I know I do. Do you always only state your opinion in RL once and then never air it again? Eh?

I can also have a good time without kids as it happens - I just think weddings are a place for kids. Especially because they tend to go on for hours, and involve travelling, which makes leaving kids behind really hard for some people.

Hullygully · 26/05/2011 12:01

bibs, you are always such a ray of sunshine and a little dollop of joy.

Hullygully · 26/05/2011 12:01
ginnny · 26/05/2011 12:03

Well actually Curry I did Wink
Great minds eh?

noddyholder · 26/05/2011 12:09

Nice to see bibbity taking her own advice Grin This is MN you can't help getting drawn in thats the whole point innit?

MamaLazarou · 26/05/2011 12:14

"A wedding is about two families joining together"

Nah. It's about two PEOPLE joining together.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 26/05/2011 12:25

Nah. It's about two PEOPLE joining together.

Indeed. In the company - if they so wish - of their loved ones. Which is why it's crap if they have to bump freinds off their guest list in order to accommodate children they've never met (and might possibly never meet again).

I appreciate this doesn't apply to the OP (babe in arms and all that).

CurrySpice · 26/05/2011 12:31

Sorry ginny I missed that. Shall we go to the pub to dicuss it?

SoupDragon · 26/05/2011 13:01

"There is no way what you post at message number 300+ can be original or helpful to the op. Everything has already been said!"

"No, I was making a new point. A point that hasn't been made on the thread before."

So, is it possible to say something at message 300+ that is original or helpful or not?

BlackSwan · 26/05/2011 13:07

You are really lucky - you have a great excuse to miss some tedious weddings! Don't go!

SherlockMoans · 26/05/2011 13:13

Well I guess its their perogative not to invite children/babies but its also your perogative not to go.

Not everyone likes babies, but even when I wasnt that keen on children or babies it struck me as a bit odd if they werent invited to a wedding, particularly a family one....do you only become "family" once you pass a certain birthday. People who do this strike me a bit precious and probably their wedding will be a bit "dry" on the fun side...more of a mills & boon sopfest.