Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

[hellojude]

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know... Another has said a flat no
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

"do you only become "family" once you pass a certain birthday"

no, but you only got invited to my wedding if you met the cut-off criteria. for example, my cousins and my parents' cousins were invited but my cousins' children weren't invited - this meant my 8yo cousin was there but my 6yo cousin-once-removed wasn't... we had a wedding for 200 and 100 of them were my family so we had to draw the line somewhere!

Good idea curry
Mines a G&T

Ooh, excellentadventure, that's very judgey of you! Of course it didn't matter to anyone at the weddings I went to with my newborns, my babies didn't make a sound all day. Each time, they were the centre of attention and got photographed with bride and groom!

Centre of attention, eh? Well, that's bound to have pissed some people off for a start. :o

The invite was for you and your husband, it's unlikely that the bride and groom were unaware of your baby. Yes you can ask if they baby can come but, if the baby is not on the invite then assume you will get a no and do not take offence, it's the bride and groom who could take offence at you trying to add onto a clear invite.

I would not dream of taking any of my children to a wedding they were not invited to and in reality weddings and children don't really go hand in hand unless you are holding the reception in a soft play area or Alton Towers.

Being a parent means you miss out on things non-parents get to do.

To add a new point (admittedly some what irrelevant to the OP but not children and weddings in general). I did read somewhere that some venues in the US will not allow those who are under age in if there is alcohol being served.

I certainly wouldn't be not serving alcohol at my wedding

I didnt take my own child to my sisters wedding! I was chief bridesmaid, we hired a nanny for the day who was upstairs in the hotel room, so I could pop up whenever, expressed milk, combined formula feeding - it was great

I had a no children rule at my wedding, but my cousin bought his particularly hyper 3 year old, and at the moment we said 'I do', we were drowned out by her falling off a pew and screaming her head off

I was fucking FUMING that they didnt take her out, and in all honesty, it spoilt the ceremony for us

sometimes its to do with the numbers some places havent the room and if they let your little one go they will offend everyone else with kids, its not personal so they wont mind if you cant go because of this.

YABU. Unless you (one) has had children, you just don't get it. If I was at a wedding with a newbie that was making a noise - to whatever degree - I'd be quite irritated. Once you have kids of your own, you get it. Be tolerant of them, don't think for an instant that everybody loves babies (um, no they don't!) and like pps have said, consider the compromise suggested by your dh. It's not about you or your child, it's about your friends' big day...they get to choose.

I don't think it represents selfishness to be picky about who comes to one's wedding. I don't even think it's selfishness to do it for the reason that you want all of the attention. It's their ONE wedding day, for god's sake!

Kungfupanda... I think I'd refuse an invitation like that, it's almost like being 'incarcerated'... I'd resent being manoeuvred, kids or no kids, I wouldn't want to be unable to leave when I wanted to and 4am would be too late for me. Did they have bouncers on the door?

Are all of you still friends with this couple?

ChardonnayGirl... and I suspect that's why many couples exclude children from their wedding. Some parents are inconsiderate and blinded to the fact that their children may not behave. They're selfish, considering their own irrelevant wants, and somebody's special day, which cannot be recaptured, is completely spoiled. :(

Another poster, earlier in the thread, that parents in other countries have a different attitude, understanding that babies/children do not need to be in attendance at every event, but also that if they are - at the slightest sign of misbehaviour, the parent will take the child out. That's how I think it should be here and until parents catch on, their children will be excluded.

lady007pink.. Fine if the bride and groom decide to make your babies the centre of attention, they won't resent them being there but there are too many - I was going to say parents, but it really is mothers - who decide that their children are the centre of all attention and behave accordingly. They think that anybody who doesn't believe that children should be indulged at every event are 'sad'. I think they're in the minority but they're very whiney and loud nonetheless.

'Each time, they were the centre of attention '
But the bride and groom should be the attention !!! Great reason for NOT inviting babies and children!
And i would think it very odd that a bride and groom would really want to be photographed with someone elses baby???Are you really sure it's what they wanted and were not just being polite?

It is the bride and groom's day FFS and, as such, it is their prerogative to invite/not invite who the hell they like!

What on earth is the problem? Why should they invite children to appease the guests? It is THEIR day!!

Get over yourself.

Nah, I always feel sad when there's no kids at a wedding. They do brighten the place up. My bf told me a few weeks ago that she is getting married and asked me to bridesmaid - at which I was overjoyed. She then casually mentioned her no kids rule (I have 2 under 3) and the fact it was far away. Which is fine - I will get a sitter and be there for my bf on her big day. But apart from the fact I'm going to have to do some major juggling to get someone to look after ds's for 2 nights, I'm kind of sad about it.

She has a huge family, full of kids and my 2 would have had a blast with them all. Apparently it's just going to be her 6 year old brother that's invited. I feel kind of sad for him - can't imagine he'll have much fun being the only child!

I really will enjoy getting to be a grown up and I don't mind so much now that they are a wee bit older - it's bf's day after all. I think I'll feel slighted if her family have wangled their kids in and it turns out it's just mine not going!

Newborn though - YANBU. I wouldn't leave a newborn. I would politely decline and tell them why.

She has a huge family, full of kids and my 2 would have had a blast with them all

That's probably exactly the scenario they are trying to avoid!

Family and friends are often different in the pecking order, Threelittleducks, even if you are going to be bridesmaid.

I think that well-behaved children can be a nice addition, I agree, but I doubt the bride thinks that her wedding needs brightening up. :)

Ha... valium, probably very true.

YABU.

You were told clearly that children/babies weren't invited, but you still asked?? They must think you've either got a hell of a cheek, or that you're barking.

What did you expect them to say - "Well of course everyone else must leave their DC's at home but YOUR baby is sooo much cuter than everyone else's that it can only add to our day! Bring it along!!" ??

Stop press: not everyone loves babies. Especially other people's babies.

Massive ettiquette fail here.
stfuparents.tumblr.com/post/147675379/sorry-about-the-teensy-tiny-text-if-youre-having

Oh dear lord get a grip! Weddings are long, emotional and expensive on off days (hopefully ) and it is the couples right try to make it as perfect for themselves as possible.
I know you have a young baby (so do i), and i hate to break it to you but other peoples babies are ANNOYING!! They are loud and demanding and frequently steal peoples thunder (not good if you are bride). They just dont suit certain situations. My brothers wedding video is marred by a chorus of howling babies. Sorry but either you or DH or both have to miss out. Its what being a parent entails. YABU.