Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

[hellojude]

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know... Another has said a flat no
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

i'm struggling to see how that means you don't want to be their friend if you have a very young baby and you don't feel you can leave them for that long what are you supposed to do? if i was getting married and said 'no children, no exceptions' and knew that some of the invitees had young babies, then i would accept the possibility that some of them may not be able to make it. going as far as 'blackmail' is just bloody ridiculous

I think maybe you ought not to go. You clearly don't feel happy to leave your DD so don't.

I feel really lucky that I've only ever been to weddings where children have been invited.

When I got married it was immediate family's children only - which meant BiL's son and 6 week old daughter and no others. In one case my cousin came on her own and husband stayed home with their boys (4 and 7 ish) and the other cousin declined altogether - but that may have been more related to the distance they'd need to travel. I've never been particularly close to these cousins and don't know the children at all so didn't want them there.

I took DD to another (closer) cousin's wedding when she was barely 2 weeks old - but even then I'd spoken to my cousin and told her that if she didn't want me to come with a babe-in-arms I'd totally understand.

It's the bride and grooms' day, they've set the rules - abide by them or politely decline. You can give your reasons and if they've said no kids, they'll have to accept you won't be there.

I can't believe there are so many people who dislike children on a parenting website! And where are all the huns coming from?

Im not able to take my DS to a child free wedding next month. Frankly I totally see their point, who wants a baby screaming all over the vows. But I dont see why they cant be invited to the reception.

I don't see that not wanting children at a wedding equates to not liking children. I had kids at my weddings, but can understand that for some people a wedding is a solemn ceremony and they want to be able to hear the vows with no bored wailing soundtrack, and have maybe chosen a sit down meal afterwards and don't want bored kids running around and shrieking.
For many people a wedding is a church service followed by a long sit down meal. Neither of these are particularly child friendly activities.
Yes you can make a wedding more child friendly, but if you choose not to it doesn't mean you hate children, just that you don't want to prioritise them or cater for them on this particular day.

I have just spat my coffee at "everyone loves babies" being used as a justification for bringing a child when you have specifically been told no kids!

their wedding, their big day, their choice. If you don't like it, don't go... (I do appreciate there'e a difference between a little baby and all the other kids they might have to invite... but they've made their position clear, so you have to respect that. Your world evolves around your baby (and rightly so..) but their's doesn't.

FWIW I wouldn't have taken my babies to a big event before they'd had all their jabs anyway.

We we invited to a wedding which was no children. Fine, we arranged to leave DS behind, but I had to decline graciously anyway since DD was 4 months old and EBF. The groom called me and said no problem to bring the baby under the circs, but had the rule been hard and fast, so be it.

If it's Ok to call people who don't want children at weddings uptight, stuffy Bridezillas, then people who insist on children coming are boring, dull and need to get a life outside of their kids.

And how on earth does not wanting children at weddings equate to disliking children?

As for weddings being far more fun with children in attendance, how does running around after a toddler so that they don't kill themselves, piss people off (ROFL @ everyone liking babies/children) and getting sticky fingers everywhere, need constant entertaining to avoid the whinging and over-tiredness equate to a good time?

Believe me - I have far better times at child-free knees-ups than I ever will when I'm tag-teaming my DC at a wedding.

Plenty of opportunities for them to learn social mores - you don't just need to take em to weddings.

Um, and where is the OP?!

Just don't go.

A good natured 8 year old at a wedding can be a laugh riot (who doesn't get nostalgic for doing knee slides on the dance floor) but a grizzly 8 month old, not so much. TBH if I were considering 'banning' any age group of children from my wedding, it would be pre-schoolers as you can't rely on them to behave, or their parents to take them out quietly. The older ones tend to just all group up and bugger off to play silly games with the helium balloons.

If the venue isn't suitable for that, I would be saying no kids except my own though, and even then I would have someone there whose sole purpose was to babysit my DC and take them out/distract them/keep them on a leash.

Weddings aren't just family events anymore. People move all over for work, they are more estranged from their family than we were as a society 50 years ago, many people view their friends as the family they choose for themselves. It isn't the same thing at all now as it used to be. It may be sad that weddings aren't seen as a family affair, but it is a reflection of how society has changed and people's expectations have changed along with it. I'm quite sure that 50 years ago there was many a bride who inwardly seethed about the boisterous toddler gabbling away during her saying her vows, but she had no choice but to invite them because it was the done thing. These days it isn't the done thing anymore, the couple themselves have far more autonomy in deciding how they want to celebrate their big day and I don't see that as a bad thing at all.

This is the sacrifice you have to make when yo have children. You either find her a babysitter & go, or don't & don't go.

No one is obliged to extend an invite to your child.

ohhhh for the people who complain that children are treated like a sub species.....

they often behave like a subspecies.

But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

What 'stand' do you think you should make? Protest outside the Houses of Parliament, march along Whitehall, deliver a petition to 10 Downing Street, hold a demonstration in Trafalgar Square?

You have been invited to attend a wedding without your dd. The clue is on the invitation, and it's commonly known as a 'no-brainer'.

Either attend without the fruit of your womb/your dh's loins, or decline the invitation and stay home with your dd.

I know what I'd do if I was in your position, and I'm surprised that you feel the need to seek advice from others.

Goodness, a lot of quite nasty sounding replies here... The OP is talking about a baby, a little baby who needs to be with it's mummy, there's nothing wrong with the Op enquiring if it would be ok to bring the baby.

And, as said in OP, she has enquired and has been told "no".

Bringing along an uninvited guest, especially when you've enquired and been told the omission was not an oversight, is just not on. If domestic arrangements mean you cannot be there, then send regrets.

This is an awfully long thread with some long responses. Surely all that needs to be said is:

Its their wedding, its their choice.

YABVU

You have options
You can decline the invitation.
You and your dh can decline the invitation
You can pay for a babysitter if you are determined to attend with your husband. If the wedding is some distance away, take your babysitter along so the baby can be cared for near the venue, which cuts down the time apart from your baby, and you can also bf if you want.
Attend alone, and express milk beforehand for your dh to feed his baby

The one thing you should not do is bring along your child when the bride and groom have politely made it clear that they are not having children there.

This is not about you- it is their day, and many people have given very good explanations of why many people do this nowadays. Its not about not liking children- its a practical issue often driven by costs, or by having seen bad experiences of children spoiling weddings and other formal occasions.

At the end of the day, when any of us embark on having kids, part of the deal is that you cant simply carry on doing everything and going everywhere you did pre-children. And yes, it can be costly and difficult to organise sitters, or work out arrangements with your dh- but it's the same for all of us. Don't make the mistake of thinking that your baby is any different - it may be the centre of your world but it wont be for anyone else

Is this still going?! I replied yesterday on first page I think,has the op returned at all? Bet not!

Goodness, a lot of quite nasty sounding replies here... The OP is talking about a baby, a little baby who needs to be with it's mummy, there's nothing wrong with the Op enquiring if it would be ok to bring the baby

Yes there is! The invitation said 'No children'

Goodness, a lot of quite nasty sounding replies here... The OP is talking about a baby, a little baby who needs to be with it's mummy, there's nothing wrong with the Op enquiring if it would be ok to bring the baby

And she CAN be with her baby - but NOT at the wedding.

There is certainly something wrong with asking if the baby can be included after being told not to bring children - she's already been told no. I bet this woman is one of those people who ask if they can have special treatment at the airport, or repeatedly asks for a discount in shops, or demands to queue jump "because I have children". Gives all parents a bad name.

Do people ask to bring children if they have been invited to a 'grown up' cocktail party? Why is it that weddings are different?

No is no, not 'Oh but am I an exception?'