Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

[hellojude]

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know... Another has said a flat no
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
   
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
   
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding
   
   I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??
   
   Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?
   
   TIA
   
   p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

[manticlimactic]

Will someone PLEASE invite me to a child free wedding? I'm sure they're an urban myth. No such luck round here.

I'm my friends bridesmaid soon and DD15 is coming with me. If she has a face like a slapped arse like she normally has there'll be blood on the dance. You'd think I could have one occasion where I didn't have to watch myself so I don't make a show of her (apparantly). And I don't even get drunk when she's there

[bibbitybobbityhat]

We are talking about a young baby here. Not hoards of noisy toddlers.

Childfree weddings? - yes, of course, if that's what you want.

Baby free? - not unreasonable exactly, but pretty uptight and rigid and that's never something to be admired, imvho..

[manticlimactic]

*on the dance floor that should have said.

[LillianGish]

Don't go - you're unlikely to be missing much. In my experience weddings which exclude kids are usually organised by Bridezilla.

[saidthespiderwithahorridsmile]

Agree Lillian. You're likely to mean about as much to the bride as a sparkly fascinator. Pointless waste of time and money.

[Tambern]

It's clear. Don't go if you can't bear the thought of being away from your husband and baby. If you protest then you have become that mum, the one who always has to have special treatment and whose life revolves solely around her baby.

It's their wedding day anyway, while would your child bring joy? Not everyone wants children you know. Plus as other people have said, you won't have much fun in the evening, when everyone else is dancing and having a good time, and you're sitting in your hotel room bored out of your mind, and grumpy because people are having fun, but your DC needs to sleep.

[JeremyKylesPetProject]

Aah Inthesticks "You could always think yourself lucky you have the perfect excuse to avoid a wedding " My thoughts exactly.
My friend confessed that she made her wedding child-free simply to avoid having certain family members there but was too scared to not invite them. Smart cookie. :o

Oh and politely declining? I see this popping up a lot on this thread. Its not always possible to politely decline if its close friends or family. They beg and beg... and beg. Eventually they think you are being funny with them, then they send you a list of available babysitters in your area (they live 15 miles away), then a list of hotels with a baby-listening service (yeah right), they relent and say you can bring the baby to the sit down meal, you go after much faffing about, you get a quick hello and a glimpse of the happy couple, everyone stares at you (their babies aren't as mint as yours) people tut when your 5 month old gurgles during the speeches, you are then pointedly asked by the grooms ma where you are staying and if its child friendly (y'know... time to piss off now), two weeks later you get a phonecall from the bride apologising for not having a quick chat with you.

Now I don't do weddings if I can help it.

[Northernlurker]

I am unimpressed by weddings which exclude 'close' children and excluding small babies is just downright unhelpful. I would tell your friends it is impossible to attend their wedding and you hope they have a lovely day.

[SauvignonBlanche]

I think they're being miserable twats but that's their choice - don't go.

[BimboNo5]

Can someone please explain here- why are people who dont invite kids a)stuffy b)uptight c)bridezillas d)self centred and the rest of the negative words people who dont agree with child free weddings use? Why should someones own big day include people they do not want their- kids included?

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Bimbo
lets try again: op and most people on this thread are talking about a very young baby. Not kids in general.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Bimbo have you heard of EBF?

[southeastastra]

when i get married i will ban anyone over 60 - they usually just drink sherry and moan about the music being too loud, fuck em

[thebody]

god typical british..can you imagine a greek or italian wedding with no children..

sad but true the british dont do families... how very very sad...

we had loads of kids to ours.. trusted parents to take out noisy ones thru speeches of course, but essentially if children arnt taught to behave for events like these then they never learn social norms..

just bloody rude imo.. you wait when they have kids it will be a different story.

miserable twats.. totally agree.. stuff them

[CeliaFate]

Nobody would not invite an adult in case they made too much noise, or because they didn't warrant the cost of a meal. It's bloody rude to exclude children on those grounds. Have your big day - but don't expect people with children to be there. Congratulations

[CeliaFate]

X posts wiht southeastastra and thebody - totally agree!

[valiumredhead]

CBA to read 3 pages of this but YABU just for saying -

Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !

Just say you can't go!

[BimboNo5]

Not true the body- ive since had kids and dont feel snubbed by getting a no children wedding invite. I tend to put the flags out actually.

[valiumredhead]

I'm delighted too Bimbo, woo hooo kid free day!

[helenthemadex]

i can remember going to loads of weddings when I was a child, slidding across the dance floor late into the night, eating cheese and pineapple hedgehogs while our parents -got pissed- had a good time, I guess its a relatively new thing to have child free weddings, probably linked to the massive cost

It is the choice of the bride and groom how they spend money on their big day, if your child is not invited and you dont want to leave your childn then dont go

to me a family wedding with my dc is lovely, the chance to see family I dont see often and catch up is great, but then equally a friends child free wedding sounds heaven as well, the chance to dress up have a meal in peace and no food cutting or bum wiping duty. I like the chance to be me not someones mum!!

[thebody]

no dont get this child free wedding thing..

yes of course a weekend away with dh or meal out away from the kids is truly wonderful but a wedding is a social event and if children arent invited/expected to behave at one then thats a bit sad imo.

children need to learn to understand and be involved in life events with adults, they need to learn social norms... when to play around and when to behave and be quiet.. not just 'lets go to soft play or the park'..

still each to their own...

[BimboNo5]

There are plenty of adult events for children to attend though- weddings are not the only ones. Come to think of it in my day (old bitch emoticon needed) the only weddings I attended were ones which involved soggy sausage rolls/crisps in a village hall/working mans club which more than likely involved paying a set amount for crappy food regardless of how many people go. Luckily weddings have moved on since those days.

[MixedClassBaby]

DP and I are having a no kids wedding (except from my own DD and my niece and nephew because they are family).

DP and I are paying for it ourselves and funds are very limited. We have very little family and wish our friends to be there. We can't afford to include their kids.

I resent the suggestion that I must be Bridezilla, stuffy, self-centered or anti-kids. I want everyone to have a good time and enjoy the day and hope eveyone understands our circumstances.

Only one friend has made a fuss about her children not being invited and she asked what I was doing with my daughter (5mo) on the day if hers couldn't be there. This really upset me and actually made me cry. Everyone else with children has completely understood and several have stated that they're looking forward to a child free day. Most people understand that weddings are expensive and I think it's rude to assume your children should be invited over friends of the bride and groom where spaces are limited due to cost.

People have their reasons and send their invites out in good faith. If you are not able accept then you just need to politely say no.

[northerngirl41]

The reason the kids haven't been invited is the same reason as to why you asked specially if they meant your child when they said no kids.... You clearly don't take the hint and think the rules don't apply. So if your baby starts screaming during the service you'll be blissfully ignoring the cries, or making comments about how darling they are. And woe betide anyone who disagrees with you, because they obviously hate kids.

In Italy/France they have children at weddings and restaurants and other gatherings because a parent would be mortified if their child disrupted other people enjoying the event and would take them outside immediately. That doesn't happen here and therefore we have more child free events.

[LidlPrincess]

at southeastastra

OP YANBU

Why are children and especially babies so horrendous they are not allowed at a family occaision?? Weird IMO I understand kids of friends to an extent when its extra cost and people are on tight budgets but babies, nope. Dont get it.