Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

[hellojude]

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know... Another has said a flat no
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.

1. We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2. We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3. Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

What Bimbo, MixedClassBaby, Northerngirl said!

It is not unreasonable to decline an invitation because you do not want to be separated from your baby, but incredibly unreasonable to want to guilt trip/blackmail your friends into making an exception for your baby. And to not want to go to a wedding because your DH is not going...are you serious?

AND THIS:
none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak

Bloody condescending crap. I still don't get 'get it', even though I have 4 dc.

Decline the invite, I do hope your DH goes to his friends wedding though, he sounds like a thoroughly sensible chap.

CeliaFate "Nobody would not invite an adult in case they made too much noise, or because they didn't warrant the cost of a meal."

You think not? pmsl :o

Yup *Horsewhisperer" - I too don't believe they will "get it" because I suspect these people are very politely trying to tell the OP that in proper etiquette the invite is ONLY for the people who's name is on the envelope, not anyone else they felt like bringing along! The proper response is either "Yes we'd love to come" or "No we have a prior engagement" (even if it's washing your hair or watching the Eastenders omnibus).

So polite people wouldn't self-invite their children to someone else's weddings, any more than they'd invite their gran or their next door neighbour or bring their dog. No, no and no!

I really dislike this trend of excluding babies and children from weddings and sometimes wonder how anyone expects children to grow into socialised adults if they are not allowed to be released into the adult world from time to time. I'm also very underwhelmed by the sort of circus of a wedding that some people put on when the colour of the chair covers seems more meaningful than the event.

However, if a wedding does exclude children and you aren't prepared to go separately from your partner then I'm afraid you've little choice but to decline the invitation if you don't want (or can't) arrange childcare. Not everyone takes the view that babies "bring joy to a wedding" in many people's view. So whatever you do, don't assume yours is the exception.

Babies bring joy to a wedding??! Are you serious??

Without your baby being present it will doubtless be a very sad, grey affair with no fun or laughter to be had.

Just politely decline if you really feel you can't attend. Simple. Don't ask the bride to make an exception for your child as a refusal often offends...

Quite simple - you don't go or you make arrangements for your baby to be looked after. It's the height of rudeness to question people who are no doubt having a stressful enough time as it is.

And it has nothing to do with non-parents 'not getting it'. Our DD was 9 months old when we got married 2 years ago and we said no children or babies, other than her and our one bridesmaid. We were asked by a couple of people if we could make an exception and had to say no but it made us feel horribly awkward.

Yes, not everyone loves them and yes, they can play up during ceremonies and speeches, but mostly it was down to cost. Of course babes in arms cost nothing but saying they were OK and other kids weren't meant having an age limit and saying some people's kids could come, others couldn't. I have a huge family and if we had everyone's kids, there would have been 22 under 12s. That's 22 adult friends and family that we couldn't have invited. Now we have a DS as well, we'd do the same again.

As Potplant said, Sometimes being a parent is a bit crap!

When we got married, we invited all the children of the friends and family we invited. At that point, that meant precisely 4 children (of whom 2 got chicken pox, so then there were 2). Total number of guests = 60, limited by cost and capacity.

If we were to have the wedding today, with the exception of the older generation (so say 18-20 of the original guests), EVERYONE has since children. The 30 other invitees, who are still our nearest and dearest, have now become 60-70 including children - so to have the same 60 people there, the people we know and love the best, would have meant a guest list of 90.

We could not have managed 1.5x the original cost. Inviting children = not inviting adults. In the whole weighing of cousins' children vs friends vs friends' children vs those older generation friends who we have known all our lives, who is it right to leave out?

I had no children at my wedding apart from my own and they went to bed early with a sitter. My wedding was 60 odd miles away from where everyone lived and most people said they would come alone anyway. A couple bought newborns but I figured the whole thing would be very stressful with toddlers and young children running around tbh.

If I were you I would go alone - good excuse for a night out!

Sorry, but the inconveniences caused are not their problem. We made the decision to have kids, so we can't whine when it causes problems in non-baby-world.

Sorry, something went wrong with the maths there.

20 older generation.
4 children
36 others - 18 couples now each with 2 or more children, so now a group of 70 - 80 including children.

Total numbers would now be 100+ instead of our original 60.

I had this with a friend's wedding - he wanted me and son to come (son being 4 months old at the time, and not having met any friends of mine yet due to distance), his blushing bride didn't want my son there because she didn't want me getting my norks out to feed him and distracting from her beautifulness.

In the end, my friend stood up to her, and I had to compromise to BF in the toilets. Nice.

The issue was that she just didn't "get" how I couldn't leave my 4 month old, do a 4 hour drive, attend a wedding and ceremony and then drive home when he was exclusively BF.

And I'm not a baby person. I like my own, but don't thrust someone else's down my neck. But with my wedding, should someone I want have kids, then they're kind of a package deal in my eyes, and it seems a bit unfair to say to them "nope, you have to get a babysitter to see me in a dress". We had kids at our wedding - including my son - and it added a bit of extra humour too. And any detraction from the focus being on me was a blessing, as I tend to fall down if people look at me.

Well what really gets my goat is when dh and I go to weddings without our sons and we then get sit on a table with someone elses f*cking children! Granted both of these occasions our dses were invited but we declined because we have a better time without them. This is a mistake I would have done pre kids but its still a bit rubbish!

So, OP, I don't 'get it' yet either and I have a 3 and a 5 year old

Just don't go.

The bride and groom have decided they would rather not have children at their wedding, even if that means some of their guests can't attend.

That doesn't make them unreasonable. It just means they have different priorities than you.

Besides, what choice have you got? You're surely not going to bring your DC despite their wishes, or ring them up and have a rant? Surely?

I've been invited to weddings when my children were newborns, but I bought them regardless without asking beforehand. No way was I leaving a BF baby with anybody else. It never caused any problems.

I'm sure it didn't, to you.

YABU

Why would YOUR baby bring great joy to THEIR day?

Goodness, some people do have a high opinion of themselves; "the blushing bride...didn't want me getting my norks out and distrcting from her beautifulness" Ha!

teacherwith2kids 30 is a lot of kids, wouldn't blame you at all for not inviting them.

Of course the OP is talking about a newborn baby for whom feeding and childcare is more problematic. And of course there is no cost to the couple for feeding a newborn. Not even a high chair required.

Don't go. Easy. Trust me, I highly doubt they'll miss you or your baby.

Hate to break it to you but it isn't your wedding, you don't get to dictate how the bride and groom should enjoy their day.if that enjoyment does not include babies you need to quit whining and suck it up.

Sincerely hope OP's point 3) was tongue in cheek.

Oh and if I'd got an invitation that said no children, I wouldn't then ring the bride/groom to say "but surely you don't mean mine?". Unless it was like, my sister or someone. Mind you, not as presumptuous as just turning up with a mewling and puking infant.

When my sister got married, no children were invited, including my twins who were eight months old at the time. As I was still breastfeeding them, we hired a room at the hotel and a babysitter for the day and I went to the room and fed them as necessary. I was matron of honour (ugh) too, and DH was an usher so it was a pretty hectic day. We took the babies along for an hour after the meal. It worked ok and I didn't expect her to change her plans for us.

if it were me i would have to not go. it's fair enough that the bride and groom have asked for no children at their wedding, so i would assume that the understand they are risking some of their friends with DCs not being able to come.

its thier wedding, thier day, why can't that be respected?

To the OP did you invite babies and children to your own wedding?

I think you should decline or go along with your Dh's suggestions.

Really ivy invite my kids or I won't be your friend black mail or what to be honest I wouldn't want a friend like that