to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

[takethatlady]

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

Another one here who loved the newborn stage! I spent the first two weeks snuggled up at home, in my pjs, sitting on the sofa feeding the baby and watching DVDs. Napped whenever I could and had baths. It was physically tough of course having broken sleep whilst recovering from giving birth, but I just allowed for that as much as I could and didn't expect much of myself. Tip: make sure DP knows its your job to feed the baby (if breastfeeding) and his job to absolutely everything else!

I haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to mention PND briefly.

No-one can tell whether they're going to get PND until it hits them. You can't look at your life before baby, observe that you were mentally stable, and conclude that you'll be OK.

I suffered from v.bad PND with both of mine. In both cases it kicked in at around 3 weeks. I had never had MH problems before, and clearly it had a very profound effect on how I felt about the newborn stage.

The big difference between DS1 and DS2 was that with DS1 neither DP nor I really appreciated what was happening and tried to struggle on. With both thought that everyone finds a newborn hard and I just had to get through it. It wasn't until I went back to work when DS1 was 6 months old that I felt even a hint of normality return, and DP reckons it took me 18 months to return to being me again. As a result, I hated the newborn stage with DS1.

With DS2, we both understood what had happened before and sought professional help as soon as we realised that the PND was back. I saw my local MH team at 5 weeks, and was immediately put on anti-depressants. By 8 weeks I felt fine, and started to love the newborn stage instead. I even extended my maternity leave from 6 months to 9.

I'm now pregnant with DS3.

Hopefully you won't get PND - most women don't, after all.

But keep your eyes open to the possibility, and if it does hit you then insist on help ASAP. Don't let anyone fob you off.

Congratulations, BTW!

People are absolute b*stards telling you how awful it is going to be. Don't listen to them. It is a wonderful, precious time and every person's experience is different. I loved the newborn stage with both my DDs. With DD1 the first 10 days were hard because I struggled with bf but with the help of a wonderful midwife I mastered it and from then on it was pure joy. DD2 was even better because I co-slept with her and bf'd her through the night and hardly lost a minute of sleep. She just helped herself when she was peckish. I sooo miss that! Their cute little sighs and guinea-pig squeaks; the startle reflex; the way they happily sleep on your tummy while you watch Saturday Kitchen The News - it only lasts for a few weeks, and it is an absolute thrill. The terror of something happening to the baby or doing something wrong is quite strong at first, but it gradually abates, and is manageable.

Well, everyone tells you how it is such hard work and you nod and think, yes I know. Bah! Fuck me its hard work, and no, I didn't know. BUT.... Its wonderful because the love is huge and they give plenty back, from day one. Just don't give yourself a hard time if you're not doing the things you think you should be doing. Be happy to do nothing but cuddle and feed if that's what feels right. Enjoy and congratulations.

takethatlady, thank you for starting this thread! in some ways i wish more people had told me how hard the first few months can be. i had total unrealistic expectations (without really realising it) and suffered major major shock. But looks like you're not in that position!! everyone is so different, unlike me, one of my other friends was a complete earth mother and embraced every little thing with joy and contentment and loved every second and that my by you! so my advice to you is, don't worry about your own experience or feel the need to analyse it or compare it to anyone else, you will be doing the best you can and thats amazing! I felt like such a weirdo that I didn't enjoy myself for the first few months, I thought something was really wrong with me. I thought you were meant to fall instanteneously in love with you baby and mummyhood, but it didn't happen like that for me. I grew to love her and love being a mummy, and I wish someone had forewarned me that that was OK!! DD now 1 and we're having the fab time :) You're gonna do great!

i think i must be one of the few that loved the new born stage even with the losing track if it was day or night including being the only person in the world to be hanging washing out at 4 in the morning.the trick is to look after yourself make sure you grab some extra sleep during the day when the baby is settled between feeds and to take the oppitunity of doing extra housework when your partner comes home from work.

It's taken three babies to reach the conclusion that the newborn stage is great.
DD1 was a pretty easy on reflection but I was too conscious of all the other stuff that I felt I should be doing to really enjoy it.
I don't remember the newborn stage with DD2 cos she arrived 16 months after the first one. And DD3 (now 3 months) is a peach and I have spent lots of time cooing at her and generally marvelling at her beauty, her smile and her attempts at baby talking.
I think the advice (which others have already given) is to have few expectations and, if you are by nature a do-er and find it difficult to just sit back, put every effort into becoming more laid-back. Your child will never be so portable and dinky and admired for just being teeny-tiny again.

I LOVED it; every single second.

Newborns aren't too bad really. IME it was a grim EMCS that messed me up. I was more concerned about what pain relief I could take than what my new baby was doing. We muddled through.

As is clear from all the other posts - babies vary enormously so it really depends what type you get! DS never slept more than 5 minutes at a time during the day, and at night he woke up to feed every hour or two. I really struggled with sleep deprivation. If I was showered and dressed by midday it was a miracle. Things would have been easier if I had moved to co-sleeping earlier, and if I'd learnt to breastfeed lying down earlier.

Overall a very positive experience though - DS is 9mo now and I'm already itching to get started with number 2!

Tips - agree on the food thing, get DP to leave you nice lunches in the fridge when he goes back to work. And crack the bf if you can, it makes for a lot less crying. Get all jobs that are due in the first 6mo done before the baby eg renewing car tax, buying birthday cards, Christmas presses etc.

Thiswontgetthepigsin - agree, aren't people horrible, putting the fear of god into you?! It serves no purpose. In my case, it was a huge relief no longer being hideously heavily pregnant. Things don't automatically get worse when the baby comes.

I have a 3 month old and am loving every minute. I work as a health visitor so thought i knew what to expect and was very wary, esp of the lack of sleep. However, despite a difficult delivery i really enjoyed the early days, I loved being snuggled up on the sofa in my pjs cuddling my DD while DH catered for my every whim. Once DH was back at work we settled into a chilled out relaxed pace in the mornings. I find it far easier than being at work full time

I LOVE the newborn stage. I didn't get particularily spoiled (dh straight back to work and no extended family help), but I loved every minute of it, even with the third one when I already had the others to look after. New babies are amazing. I would do the newborn stage over and over again.

Unfortunately I fecking hate being pregnant. Part of my joy when I have a new baby stems from relief that I am no longer pregnant. I wish I was all earth mothery and blooming but I just feel shit.

I hate the newborn phase. Yes, they are indisputably beautiful and smell wonderful (ooh that newborn smell) but it is incredibly boring those first few months, you never have enough sleep, they cry and scream, endlessly feed, have to be changed constantly etc. I found it much more rewarding when I was getting more sleep and they could interact with me more and you can have fun with them, making them giggle.

It's not awful though! I don't like the newborn phase, so certainly didn't find it fun, but it can't be that bad as we had 4 dc :)