to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

[takethatlady]

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

I have a 6 month old and have just gotten round to sorting out the (6 million) photos we had taken of him and looking back at myself and my DH during the early days brought back how tough it was - although we both look incredibly happy we also both looked like we've been clubbed over the head on most of them! However that's the point - the first few weeks may be hard and tiring but I'd completely forgotten that and it took looking at the photos for it to even come back to me. Put it this way - I am desperate to do it all over again with another baby as soon as I possibly can so it can't be that bad in the long run!

Great that you have your DH around a lot during the first few weeks - my DH worked shifts and odd hours so was in and out all day so was able to step in if I needed a break but that's not necessarily the best thing as I ended up relying too much on having him there. Make sure that you have time with just you and the baby to get yourselves a routine sorted as it may hit you harder when he goes back to work and you've gotten used to doing things one way with him there but then have to sort something else out when he's not.

I LOVED newborn stage on all 3 ocassions with mine. In fact I am so sad I won't get to experience it again really. It is tiring (and shock to body first time around) but it is one of THEE best times in my life...I will even go one more and say I loved labour too Good luck

YANBU. Having a baby will blow your world into another dimension, and is hard work at times but I have really enjoyed the newborn stage with both mine (now 2.5yrs and 11 weeks). It is magical. A fresh new, tiny little person. Lots of cuddles, love and seeing them growing and developing every day. It's amazing.

I do not know why some people perpetuate this myth about life with a baby being awful. Even with my first whose birth was horrendous and who didn't sleep much for the first 12 weeks it was just such a wonderful time.

There will be great days and not so great days. If you have a colicky baby it will be harder of course but even then you will still have fun with your baby!

The only people I have known who have genuinely hated every minute of the newborn stage have been those suffering with PND.

Its hard and I do prefer the company of my daughter now at 22 months, but oh...I miss the moments when my tiny daughter would fall asleep on me and I'd just stare and stare.
I did enjoy DHs paternity leave so I'm kind of jealous at your great amount. Enjoy it! There is nothing wrong with looking forward to it (as long as you are realistic)

No, takethatlady, not you at all, just a few posters who seem very down on people who had bad experiences. You sound very sensible, suitably excited about meeting your dd and I know you will love it, even if it is hard, as she will be soooo beautiful.

It's all brilliant and goes too fast, enjoy x

"The only people I have known who have genuinely hated the newborn stage have been those suffering from PND"-really . So only those suffering from PND would hate exhaustion,pain,collicky babies,boredom,puking,mewling-really???????

Newsflash -not everybody enjoys newborns,doesn't mean one is suffering from depression just we all have different likes/dislikes.Personally I find newborns a means to an end ie a stage you get through in order to have a bouncing,interesting toddler/child.

Depends on the baby.

DS1 was an angel, slept, smiled, fed well, and was generally a joy. I loved every minute and couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.

Ds2 howled non stop for the first 6 months of his life or so it seemed, spend hours glued to my boob then threw it all up again. Would never relax or fall asleep in my arms but was 100 times worse if I dared pass him to someone else. It was horrible.

When he learned to sit up at 6 months ish, it was like flicking a switch, and as he got more independent it got better and better. He's the easiest, smiliest jolliest toddler now.

I've got twins on the way now and I'm praying forthem to be like DS1.....

Best of luck with it all, I'm sure you'll do a great job

At the very beginning I did feel a bit stressed and tired, never having had a baby before. I couldn't fathom how one was meant to have a shower, and I wasn't out of my nightdress or go out for about 2 weeks I think. But over time we got into a routine, and actually when they are little, they sleep alot and are very portable. When I had second, she was a doddle!

angryfeet - agree toddler and newborn at the beginning sooooooo stressful!

I found BF hard -my dd didn't latch properly and getting through that was extremely painful.

But apart from that, I loved it! I had a couple of tearful days (2 and 3 days after she was born) because I was coughing a lot which hurt my stitches but then it turned out I had a chest infection and was put on antibiotics so it all improved rapidly. I never did the 'sit in your pj's until early evening' thing.

I had a good sleeper so it all seemed to go smoothly. I even managed to give a Sunday roast to 12 people (all close friends and quite a few of those were children so it's not as impressive as it sounds!) when dd was 2 weeks. She wasn't a screamer, and as for nighttime feeding, I fed her almost constantly every evening, setting myself up on our big comfy sofa where I would eventually fall alseep with her (not much different to co-sleeping as I would lay myself down properly with blankets and cushions) and I would doze off around midnight. I would wake around 3.00 and she would be sound asleep. I would take her up to bed, she would transfer easily to her cot, and she would sleep until 8.00. My DH would get her up and bring her to me in bed for a feed and she would doze off again for another couple of hours. I would get up around 10.00am. I am a night owl not a morning person so the freedom to lie in until 10.00 every day worked for me! She was content to sit on a bouncy chair/lie under a baby gym and watch the world go by so I had plenty of time to get on with things, and then enjoyed being able to sit with her and play not feeling guilty about all the things that hadn't been done. I wish the toddler version was as easy to occupy!!

So physically, yes, it was a time of discomfort. But emotionally, it was the biggest high ever, and although i love my toddler intensely, I miss the baby she was who has now gone.

Totally depends on the baby. For me it was hell.

IME the newborn stage can be lovely if you go into it with the right expectations and support. If you're planning to breastfeed then getting all your support lined up in advance might be a good idea -you know, pop along to any local bf support group, track down the names of local breastfeeding counsellors, supporters or LLLLs.

Going with the flow is a great idea, and sounds easy, but when you haven't drunk a hot cup of tea nor been allowed to do anything you like at a time of your choosing for a few days or more then depending on your personality and how much sleep you've had it can get a bit trying.

I found it helped to try to regularly remind myself that nothing lasts forever, tomorrow will likely be different and that as the current irritations pass, not only will new ones appear, but some of the things currently treasured will also pass too.

Reading this book helped me enormously.

Good luck, and do come back and update this thread with your experience once your small person arrives .

Have a wonderful time with your newborn OP. It really is a precious time as they grow up so fast.

DD2 is 3 weeks old - dd1 is at nursery and with childminder this month (last week of cm this week).
It's been a really lovely few weeks, quite relaxed baby. BF going really well once we got over nipple thrush. Been getting out and about using sling but spending loads of time relaxing at home with baby sleeping on me or feeding. Watched Downton Abbey and lots of films. I keep thermos of herbal tea to hand at all times
DP has been on paternity leave too - lovely

It's all about to change as DP is back to work tomorrow and DD1 3.5 is on half term next week. so for now I'm enjoying the last few days of our babymoon

Best of luck op.

I loved every minute of ds1's newborn stage - I was in total awe of the little person we had created and was completely happy to give all my time and energy to him. It was with ds2 that I found it harder because it couldn't be as all encompassing. With my third I've enjoyed it more again because the other two are at school and I can devote my time to him.
How fantastic for you to have your dh there for such a long period of time. Enjoy it. It goes so quickly.

Umm, not read the whole thread but I felt what can best be described as optimistically joyful before DC1's birth. Was brought down to earth hard with the arrival of a severely refluxy baby who would only sleep when held and seemed to cry constantly. (He's lovely now btw ).

Was almost beside myself before DC2 was born, expecting the same thing. But I lucked out and got a chilled, calm baby who hardly cried. And, thanks to support from DH, I was able to wallow delightedly in a wholly different newborn experience.

Mind you, at 14 mo, she's now getting more challenging.

Anyway, sure you'll be fine in the long run whatever sort of baby you get. Going into anything optimistically can't be a bad thing.

i liked the new baby bit....they sleep most of the time anyway! with no 1 you can just lounge about and go back to bed and catch up on the sleep you lose on night feeds.

with 2 its a bit harder! but i still liked it.

wouldnt do it again mind you...but thats cos my youngest is now 13!

Yes, I found it quite easy with all 3 of my babies. None of them had colic or reflux, they all slept quite well. My OH didn't have paternity leave and didn't help anyway so I had to get on with it, which actually I found easier. Of course I had the odd bad day but overall it was quite enjoyable.

Thank you to all the ladies who have shared their experiences on this thread - good, bad, ugly or indifferent :) It's been really nice, and really therapeutic actually, to hear all your different stories about different babies, different mummies, different personalities, different set-ups, and the mixed bag of emotional and physical effects. And thank you for all the good luck messages - congratulations to all of you too on your DCs and impending DCs!

charliesangela thanks for the book tip - I'll definitely come back and update the thread when I'm a frazzled wreck with a colicky baby and I haven't had a shower in a month :)

And remember the MN mantra of, "It's only a phase" will get you through a lot. In fact my personal mantra is, "He won't be doing this when he's 18 and if he is, it won't be my problem" (usually when he is awake at 3am). :)

Milamae you misquoted me. I said that the only people I know who have hated every minute of the newborn stage were those suffering with PND. This is a subtle but important difference in what you posted and was written to make the point that while there will be hard times, it is unlikely your experience with a newborn will be 100% awful unless you have extreme circumstances, like PND.

Why you misquoted me I have no idea.

I don't think that PND is an extreme circumstance. It's really common.

I think that it is one of the most wonderful times of your life. But it is also one of the toughest. I am sure you will absolutely love meeting your lo and wish you an incredible experience. But also please do try to manage your expectations as you will be tired, hormonal and dealing with something you have never had to deal with before. No. 1 was a complete mind-fuck for me and very scary, especially the bf which was tough going in the beginning, but second time round I could appreciate it so much more. No picnic either time though but second time round I do remember trying to work out what I was struggling with so much first time round. Perhaps you will be one of those natural parents who just takes to it but the vast majority of people do find the adjustment to parenthood takes its toll ....

One in ten or one in five depending on which report you read will suffer PND. So the likelihood of suffering it rather than not is pretty low. Although I'm sure it certainly feels pretty extreme if you're the one dealing with it.