to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?!

[takethatlady]

Hi!

I'm 35+1 with DC1 (a DD) and everyone I talk to keeps telling me how 'awful' the first few weeks are - how you don't know what you're doing, how your baby barely responds to you and 'gives nothing back', how you are filled with perpetual fear that something bad will happen, how terrible bfing will be, and how you'll feel nothing but physically and emotionally drained and stressed and all your other relationships will suffer.

I know these people mean well and I'm really glad they're not lying to me and pretending it will all be a bed of roses, but having seen a few similar threads on MN I am just wondering if anybody out there had a really positive experience of the first few weeks? I'm lucky because my DH is a teacher and what with paternity leave and the summer holidays he's likely to be around full time for 8 of the first 10 weeks. We're both really really excited about spending the summer getting to know our new baby, however sleep deprived we're going to be, and I'd love to hear more from people who enjoyed this time despite its difficulties ...

Newborns smell so lovely. And they have gorgeous creased kissable chubby thighs.

Oh and I don't ever say how fab it's been in real life because no one believes me!

Writer, I am quite envious of you or anybody who has been actively enjoying the newborn stage and at times I have felt quite cheated because I really haven't. I think a lot is to do with how calm, 'easy' a baby you are blessed with.
I very much wanted children and even having a very high needs DS1 did bizarrely not put me off, but I'd be lying to say I enjoyed the constantly screaming, unputdownable, sleeping 8-out-of-24-hours in 45 minute increments and only when held much wished for baby (after 3 MCs).

I am just saying that because I actually think there is a danger of thinking 'I so want to be a mother, I will be good at it' and then be confronted by a little person who has Other Ideas. High expectations like that are a recipe for feeling you 'failed' or are doing something wrong because you cannot walk to the park with your gorgeous new shiny baby in the pram where he will sleep in the pram while you read a magazine and sip a latte... Never happened, not once, not for me anyway.

I'd second the chubby squeezable thighs, though

Sorry, the first time I thought I'd died and gone to hell. Second time was better but only because the baby slept for the first 6 wks. It will help enormously that you set out with such optimism and supportive partner. It would be interesting to know how it turned out - one way or the other.

aw my DD was a dream, used to go down about midnight after her last feed wake at 4 then 8 once her 8 o clock feed was done, pop her in her cot nip for a shower get dressed then bath DD and dress her put her in her car seat or on her playmat potter about doing housework. first 12 weeks were marvellous in fact she was great up till around age 4/5 thats when you start going right what the hell do i do with you now??! to them just hope DS is as good when he arrives

Hi Poster,

I loved the newborn phase, and in fact most of the first year. I found it very relaxing and quite simple really once I had got the hang of breastfeeding (took a couple of months), just lying around with my baby, sleeping and feeding him. It was very nice, a really lovely time. I know not every woman experiences it that way, but I do hope it goes that way for you. x

I loved it second and third time, which were also (not entirely coincidentally) the babies I co-slept with from the beginning. There were good bits with DS as well but I was so permanently exhausted I'm not sure they sank in properly. And he was a particularly difficult spirited baby, too. DD1 was a really easy baby, and while DD2 had her moments I knew roughly what I was doing by then.

Newborn stage was hell the first time when I didn't know what I was doing, but a piece of cake second time round. Stock up on frozen lasagne, lansonil and DVD box sets, prepare to spend 8 hours a day just bf-ing with your feet up (or curled up in bed together), get a bit of daylight on your skins every day, and do not let your little darling sleep for 4 hours+ at a stretch in the middle of the day, however tempting it may be. Doddle.

[the small print - your baby may vary].

i like the baby stage...the nuzzles of a milk sozzled newborn into your shoulder, the sleepiness etc. it's when 11 months down the line they're still waking every 2 hours, have an opinion that I'm starting to struggle. Though by that stage at least i can sit down....

It is hard work and exhausting and overwhelming but you just seem to go on this automatic pilot where getting up every 3 hours through the night is just what you do and you just get on with it. The key is to accept that it's overwhelming and that it gets easier day by day as you and the baby acquire all these new skills and get to know each other. And however exhausting it is those quiet loving moments with a new baby are just wonderful and more than make up for it all. I think the best thing to do is to get as much help as possible for the first 2 or 3 weeks - it's a lot easier after then.

I think the later stages far outweigh the newborn phase tbh. I have had both the baby from hell (non stop crying, hardly slept) which was exhausting, and the baby from heaven - very placid, good sleeper etc- but you still can't get away from the fact that you don't as much back as when they really start communicating, saying words, toddling around, playing with you ...

i'm currently mourning the end of my last dc's newborn phase (a couple of months ago now!) but making the most of having a giggling baby rolling around the floor holding onto his toes instead. i was v.bored during the newborn phase as i was one of the lucky ones that got a newborn who slept all day and fed very quickly and easily.

the newborn baby phase is one thing, the newly post baby body experience is quite another.

I found it really, really tough. Overwhelming, exhausting, he barely slept, he fed badly and painfully for hours, he cried and cried, I didn't know how to comfort him or myself...Not helped by the fact that we were also emigrating and had to let our flat, pack up all our stuff and put our lives in storage, do all the moving admin, leave all our friends and family when DS was only 13 weeks old. So no sitting on sofa watching DVDs for me. Found out when he was 5.5 months that the reflux/screaming/crap feeding was because he was tongue-tied.

Now we live in a foreign country and although DS is a jolly, physically active little lambkin, I don't know anyone here really and have spent 2 months on my own 7am -7pm-in a condo with the odd hlaf hour outside cause it is too humid and uncomfortable to walk DS without him crying and being drenched in sweat. I miss the UK so much it hurts, and wish I was spending my maternity leave in London, walking in parks, looking round shops, feeding ducks. I would give anything to be back in Hackney, in the rain, with my friends and able to leave my flat and take my baby and have a Life again.

I loved when my dts were born. Being premmies they were tiny 5lbs-ers and I wasn't able to breastfeed but it was such fun.

When all the work was done I would lie on the sofa with both on me and we would just rest. It was beautiful and I felt at peace for the first time in my life.

They are now 9 and I wish I'd taken more time to enjoy them as babies!

i found the new born stage easy. i was tired and it was a bit of a shock to the system. i wondered at times what everyone was talking about and then ds hit 2 and i have since struggled. it is in many ways more enjoyable but much much harder work

I have really loved all stages ( DD 15 months) including newborn, could never get over how amazing it was that one week I had no baby and then the following week there she was!

Like others have said all made easier as I had a great feeder, great sleeper, no doubt because she was pretty big.... Also got very organised before hand and made 12 weeks worth of food for the freezer!! ( slight OCD in the last weeks of preg I think!!)

You have every right to be excited about your lovely first 8 weeks....bit jealous!

The days after each of my three were born were a heavenly bubble!! And with each subsequent child, there was just more love hormones in the house!! If don't want to have anymore children but I would re live the first two weeks over and over again!! I also think it's great that you and your DP will have most of the first 10 weeks together - I've known a few families who have had both parents at home in the early weeks and they have really loved it. Protect your space during this time, live in a little family bubble, ride the rough bits and treasure the great bits.

Only read the OP, but yes, it is all of those things, but amazing and life changing as well. Every stage so far has been my favourite, but nothing compared to the sheer astonishment I felt every time I looked at her.

Apart from breastfeeding, that is far from terrible.

Firstly I must say, I dont necessarily feel that I am the norm!! Particularly not in my group of friends. A lot of my friends adore babies, theirs and others and could coo for hours, me...not a chance.

I hated pregnancy, Birth not too bad and at least it was short (ish!), I cant stand babies. They sound like little terradactles (flappy dinosaur things that I cant spell) - screaching for food!! They poo and do little else. Pointless little things. Then there is breastfeeding, why oh why was I bullied into it, by myself as thats what women are supposed to do and by that jumped up Health Visitor that insisted on coming to my house!

My DD is now 4 this yr and although trying and testing, I would never wish for her to go back to that baby stage. I did go on and have a second and again every bit sucked although the birth was even shorter and that Health Visitor never appeared in my house again and I bottle fed after 1 wk and felt good about it.

I will not be having anymore as even though I would consider more children and would be prepared to give birth to a toddle (not sure how though?) I certainly do not want anymore babies.

Having said that depending on what your new born is like, it is either going to be hard or easy. No one can prepare you for the feeling your brain and body will go through of joy and hell or sometimes both. The first 6 wks-ish are the worst and thats purely because you will have been thrown into a world of unknown. After that stage the babies do not generally settle down, get into a routine, sleep through the night. Its just you get used it and things tend to get slightler easier and you get more confident with what you are doing.

Your relationship will only suffer for a short time and with any life chaning event thats bound to happen to a certain degree, it shouldnt be long term and if it starts to be, then a lot of effort needs to be put in. I always beleive relationships take work before children and a little bit more work after they are born. Balance is the key and that takes time.

Hope all goes well and only you will know what you feel when the baby arrives, dont allow yourself to be bullied by any medical prof, go with your gut as half the time your own instincts about your child will be right xx

Tips? Spend all day in bed, sleeping and gazing at their beauty. Sorry, that's the rose tinted specs.... mine were both prem so first weeks months at home were really hard. Looking back, I wish I could have relaxed more. Now, I would give anything to go back and enjoy a day, but at the time I was shattered and just looking for something that would make sense! I thought Gina Ford was my saviour, but now I wish I'd allowed myself to be more responsive. Whole other thread!

Best tip - meals you can eat with just one hand.

hopefully this thread will show you how vastly different people's experiences can be! With help ( I had my mum for 2 weeks) its fine. Ideally someone else (DP for you hopefully) does cooking, shopping and cleaning for thosecouple of weeks while you sit in your dressing gown gazing in amazement at your baby. I didn't find my baby boring at all, and five months on find that like labour, the hard bits are a distant memory. Its magical AND hard work.Enjoy it. xx

If I hadn't had (and still got, at 9 months) insomnia, I think I would've loved almost every moment.